Paper Monitor
10:57 UK time, Friday, 17 November 2006
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It鈥檚 been a while since Paper Monitor turned its attentions to headlines so comprehensive there鈥檚 no need to read any further.
So instead here鈥檚 a new genre - headlines so audacious in their plotting and cliff-hanger construction that you can鈥檛 help but read further.
The Daily Telegraph, on which Paper Monitor seems to be developing something of a schoolboy/girl crush, is of course a prime exponent of the art:
鈥淕UILTY AS HELL: THE STARS鈥 FRIEND WHO KNEED EX-LOVER IN A PUBLIC PLACE鈥
Sounds painful.
As if this wasn鈥檛 enough to grab the reader by the eyeballs, this tale is further accessorised with not one but two photos of a blonde filly very much to the Telegraph鈥檚 taste. But in both photos she smashes the mould comprehensively, by clutching a toddler (hers) clad in an anti-G8 T-shirt, and drenched in fake blood at an anti-hunting protest.
And the article itself intriguingly starts: 鈥淓ver since the former 鈥業t鈥 girl Birgit Cunningham threw a chocolate 茅clair at the politician Nick Brown she has been known for direct action.鈥
Now Paper Monitor has hitherto been unfamiliar with her work, but waddagal! It transpires that the friend to Liz Hurley and Jemima Khan kneed her billionaire ex in the groin DURING their child maintenance case. Just don鈥檛 tell Fathers4Justice, mmm-kay?
(Incidentally, a special mention for gratuitous blonde filly usage goes to Metro, which illustrates its story of a teacher cleared of pupil sex with a massive pic of her glamour model sister.)
The 
