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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's here, the interview the world has been waiting for - well Paper Monitor at least. The Guardian's Sam Wollaston has managed to get an audience with the most enigmatic, elusive and mysterious double act Britain has produced in a very, very long time - Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer.

If you're still none the wiser about who they are, they're Sir Alan Sugar's grey-haired, steely sidekicks on The Apprentice. They're his "eyes and ears" as he says. Paper Monitor hasn't been so excited in years and couldn't get to the page quick enough this morning and was left... shattered.

It's not Wollaston's fault, he did well with two very reluctant interviewees. It is Ms Mountford who brought tears to one's eyes. She reveals that she is "appalled by the number of bright young things with degrees running around making teas... hoping for a career in the media".

That was Paper Monitor once - young, keen, enthusiastic and always boiling a kettle. That working in the media is not a career choice she approves of is most upsetting. Basically, if she had her way all us media types would be fired. One can only assume she hasn't seen this column or she would think very differently about the importance of the industry.

But maybe she has a point? A quick flick through today's papers throws up any number of stories that leave you with one question - why? The Daily Mail devotes a double page to a picture spread of what scooter riders in Vietnam carry on their bikes. People, pipes, pigs, chickens and goldfish, to name a few.

The Mirror informs us that a road verge was slightly covered with mash potato yesterday when a lorry lost its load. The Independent reveals comedian Vic Reeves is writing some short stories and the Daily Telegraph that smaller chocolate bars could "help reduce obesity". Well, would you ever?

Forget Ms Mountford, Paper Monitor is pointing a finger and saying: "You're fired."

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