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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

What a shame it's not Tuesday. A sentence that rarely passes anyone's lips but, as noted yesterday, Tuesdays are health days in the papers. And the Dailies Telegraph and Mail today run a health-related doozy that must have come in a day late.

Of such import is this proven tonic to the slings and arrows of daily life that the Telegraph grants it the special status of a headline-that-does-what-it-says-on-the-tin: "Rubbing it better really does work."

Yes, Mother actually did know best. Remember that day when, after a quick game of conkers as you walked home from school, you climbed a tree and skinned your knees (for grey flannel shorts offer little by the way of protection from such war wounds). Mummy offered to rub it better, but oh no, you wanted "magic water medicine" and a sticking plaster.

But it turns out that "healing by gentle touching can not only soothe bumps and bruises, it is also said to reduce stress and pain." The article goes on to note that other benefits include "improved sleep, reduced pain levels and increased energy levels".

Hark, is that the sound of Wellbeing/Health/Lifeclass sections being ripped asunder up and down Fleet St (as was)?

Meanwhile, Paper Monitor is always fond of a nicely turned phrase from a sketch writer. And the Guardian's Simon Hoggart delivers as he likens the grilling of Met Police cash for honours investigator John Yates by a Commons select committee to a sumo match between one-legged wrestlers. "You see them hop towards each other, trying to look really ferocious ("calm down, Mr Yates," said one MP at a time when he didn't even look flustered), then fall in an embarrassing heap."

It is a image our beloved leaders will have to work hard to dislodge from Paper Monitor's mind. Perhaps a rub will make it go away...

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