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Paper Monitor

11:17 UK time, Monday, 17 March 2008

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Ok, hands up those who, when they saw the headline about , pictured a hapless upper class explorer with a penchant for comfy hotels lost in the wastes of Antarctica?

Now let's start the week with a game of How Do We Know it's Monday?

Altogether now: "Because there's Holly Willoughby's cleavage!"

Given that it's the last in the series of Dancing on Ice, the Mirror kindly gives us a run down of La Willoughby's shockingly non-outrageous wardrobe of previous weeks, with a marks-out-of-10 "Dare rating" for each outfit. Let's just relive that 10/10 backless number again – such wantonness in that woman, showing her shoulder blades.

Moving on... that story about the party in Devon which got out of hand when hundreds of gatecrashers descended on it. What would make a defining picture for it?
- The one of the mother picking up empty vodka bottles from the floor, surrounded by upturned furniture?
- The one where scores of teenagers are massed outside the house as police try to calm things down?

Put your Telegraph hat on and think again. It was an 18th birthday party and since the bash was held in the £3m home of schoolgirl Sarah Ruscoe, one might assume Miss Ruscoe is - how best to say this? - "presentable" to a Telegraph audience. Or is there another reason why there's a giant picture of her on today's front page?

No such squeaky sensibilities over at the Mail, which presents Miss Ruscoe, whip in hand, in her "dominatrix outfit". Ouch.

Finally, an early heads up on what could be this summer's wildlife panic story in the mould of Where have all the wasps gone/Why are there so many flying ants etc.

"The great tick invasion" says the Daily Mail. "A deadly disease spread by blood sucking ticks is spreading rapidly across Europe."

Yikes. Paper Monitor's read enough. Does anyone have a bucket of sand close by for head burying exercises?

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