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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Apologies for tardiness readers, Paper Monitor has been in a wrestling match with the new bit of kit employed to publish the Monitor... and it feels its gone 10 rounds with Big Daddy. Paper Monitor has also been re-adjusting its moral/ethical compass after the frankly distressing news of Simon Smith's ousting from the Apprentice. The Guardian's Nancy Banks-Smith seems to concur judging by the puff on the front of today's paper - "How could Sir Alan sack Simon!" How indeed? Since G2 has done its traditional overnight disappearing trick from Paper Monitor's stack, the question must hang there unanswered. Unless of course it's not a question at all. There's no question mark, just a slammer (!) for added oomph and outrage. But it highlights an interesting omission in English punctuation. How do you add emphasis to a question? You could go for "?!" or "!?" but that just looks messy. There's always the option of italics - "How could Sir Alan sack Simon?" or the plaintext equivalent "How *could* Sir..." You get the idea.

(Paper Monitor has always been envious of the Spanish who prefix a written question with an upside down question mark to give readers advance warning of the necessary change in vocal pitch.)

What's needed folks is a new, flexicographical punctuation mark that combines question and exclamation. A "questamation" mark, if you like. Surely Daily Mail headline writers must experience this frustration several times a day.

There's no sense of inquiry, however, about the Mail's story today on the woman charged, then let off, for throwing an apple core out of her car window. Helpfully, though, there is a picture of an apple core yesterday for those who might be struggling to remember what one looks like.

Now, President Bush may have sought to strengthen ties with the Pope by denouncing a "dictatorship of relativism" (no, he wasn't talking about that annual festive visit from your tyrranical auntie Jean) but permit Paper Monitor to wonder aloud if an apple core really counts as litter. Plenty of people who would never contemplate lobbing a crisp packet into a hedgerow wouldn't think twice about disposing of half-eaten fruit in the same manner.

It would make an interesting Who, What, Why... for the Magazine (manpower permitting). "Is an apple core litter?" or should that be "Is an apple core litter!?" or maybe "Is an apple core litter"...

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