Paper Monitor
13:40 UK time, Thursday, 26 June 2008
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
In a game of scissors-paper-stone, there is little doubt which Gordon Brown would opt for. That's right, the "big clunking fist" - say what you will about Tony Blair, he could spot a soundbite with stickability - will always be the rock.
Thank you, the mighty sketch writer Ann Treneman in the Times for that observation, and for likening Dave Cameron to a pair of scissors. That's got stickability too.
At Mr Brown's anniversary PMQs, the leader of the opposition "stabbed away" but was "not quite able to cut it". And Nick Clegg: "as Liberal Democrat leader, probably has to be paper in this game". Lightweight, recyclable... is that a good thing to be likened to when your party sheds leaders at the same rate as a Glastonbury goer spots the symptoms of ?
Meanwhile, in other news, Charlize Theron has worn a sundress while out and about. This gives the Daily Mirror's 3AM common scolds a chance to indulge in one of their favourite wheezes - attributing inspiration for an A-lister's outfit to some unlikely British source.
Once it was Cameron Diaz + teal and purple = Aston Villa. Today it's Charlize + multiple strapped sun frock = Spaghetti Junction. "Brum'll love the backing," they crow. Or hang its collective head and snap "You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"
Also weak to the point of ejection is the sub who inelegantly shoehorned this headline onto page three: "Kylie just can't ex you out of her head, Olivier.."
No new news in the Mirror of Madge 'n' Guy after their scoop earlier this week that Fiona Shackleton is on hand to assist with a possible divorce (she who was drenched by an enraged Heather Mills... wonder what Guy will do?).
But the Sun picks up the gauntlet, reporting that Edgware Road's first couple went to Rome to patch up their relationship... and stayed in separate rooms. Incidentally, if Paper Monitor was ever to hook up with either the pop queen or the king of gangster flicks entitled Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, it too would demand its own room. Two words. High. Maintenance.
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