³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

So the owner of the "will be asked to describe its contents". I'll guess they will say: "As well as the ashes, the bag also contained a photograph of a man, woman and child, cigarettes, a bottle of perfume and make-up." At a push they may even name the street it was lost in, and when...
Tattooed mummy, Sussex

Re : The presenter says: "We asked them not to do it and they did it anyway." The song in question has the lyrics "I won't do what you tell me". Quite a spectacular example of missing the point.
Shona, Edinburgh

Re : One of my favorite things about my London visit from the US was the prevalence of Cadbury's vending machines in the Tube stations. It was a kind of paradise...
Jennifer Colleen Absher

I'm very sorry, but the chocolate vending machines were removed from the Tube platforms a couple of years back. I miss them so much.
Keira Vallejo @³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ News Magazine

I am an American and agree that our chocolate is very bad indeed. That said, I still think the Germans have you Brits beat.
PS: And I (for one) am very sorry about Mickey D's.
Elizabeth MacDonald Cotner @³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ News Magazine

Leif wants to know if sending this joke (Wednesday letters) to Scottish relatives would cause offence. I sent it to my Scottish father-in-law last Sunday.
His response was - and I quote - "Ha ha ha - very funny, Ben."
I trust this answers your question.
Ben Merritt, Sheffield, England

Send it, it made me chuckle. We tell much worse ones about ourselves anyway.
Amelia, Aberdeen

Leif, even if it's not suitable it's still a great joke.
PS: I'm stealing it.
Dec, Belfast

It would be far better to stick to those tried and tested favourites: bagpipe jokes. The definition of a gentleman? Someone who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Or what's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? No-one cries when you slice a bagpipe.
Adam, London, UK

Listening to a TV news broadcast on Wednesday, I distinctly heard: "Tiger's problems are continuing to mount."
Dickie, NY, US

The funniest Monitor letter ever (Wednesday letters)? The one from Kerry Rose. I'm sure we're all dying for this year's update on how Weston and Elvis are doing.
Jill B, Detroit, US

• Bookmark with:
• |
• |
• - What's this?