Paper Monitor
10:52 UK time, Wednesday, 22 June 2011
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Euhhhhhhh! Don't look now, but one of the papers is trying its very best to put you off your breakfast today. Possibly your lunch and dinner as well. And very probably succeeding.
Without any warning the Times unleashes a full page of horror on unsuspecting readers. It correctly headlines the story on page four as the "disgusting truth" about what's .
A new study suggests they are a breeding ground for infectious germs and superbugs. And cue the onslaught of frightening facts and figures about that thing you lay your head on every night. Also the hideous magnified picture of the miniature wildlife - and its detritus - on even the cleanest pillow case.
The most stomach churning is the statistic that after two years of use more than a third of the weight of your pillow is made up of dust mites, dust-mite excretion, dead skin, bacteria and saliva. A THIRD! It's one of those things you should know, but really wish you didn't. Grrrr, fists are being shaken at you Times journlists at breakfast tables across the nation. How is anyone ever going to sleep easy after this?
After a serious case of denial in the tabloids yesterday, the Sun tackles the story that half of Britons could have some German blood in them - in true tabloid style of course. It has come up with a quiz, which it kicks off by asking:
DO you have a craving for sausage or get upset about bad timekeeping? Then you might actually be GERMAN.
Questions include:
Ladies, when your armpits are a little hairy do you...
A. Reach for the razor.
B. Wear a long-sleeved top.
C. Take every available opportunity to remove your top and put your hands on your head.
And Paper Monitor's personal favourite:
Wearing leather trousers and slapping your thighs is OK only if...
A. You are a rock star or Russell Brand.
B. You are Max Mosley.
C. You fully appreciate what a magnificent traditional dance form it is.
And Paper Monitor's "oompah" rating? As British as talking about the weather and queuing, according to the paper.
The 
