Paper Monitor
12:30 UK time, Thursday, 24 May 2012
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Forget news. Today's mission is to find the archetypal feature across the British tabloid firmament.
And Paper Monitor is old skool in its definition of tabloid. They are red top, loud, brash with their own distinctive hang ups, hobby horses and desires. Oh, and at the moment lots of bikinis. But as Paper Monitor's French cousin would say "revenons a nos moutons".
The Daily Express is tackling the big question.over a whole page. Next week, watch out for its piece on why the invention of the wheel was overrated, are trains making us too busy, and whether fire should be handed back to the gods.
Readers needing light relief should turn to the Sun, which weighs into the Eurozone crisis in its own inimitable way. "Erogenous Eurozones" profiles the female politicians A little bit of politics goes a long way when fleshed out, as it were.
There's a cluster bomb of puns - "you must have lost your marbles" if you can't appreciate the charms of Greek MP Eva Kaili, the paper says.
"With assets like Eva, 33, the Greeks seem less likely to make a drachma out of a crisis."
The Daily Mail . "Forget the flowers, the most exotic display at Chelsea is the oligarchs, the trophy wives and the bankers buzzing round them like bumblebees." The piece is headlined the Chelski Power Show, but try as Paper Monitor might, no Russian is identified by name in the piece.
The Daily Star runs two pages on Euro 2012. It's the age-old mix of football and sex. The paper is worried that England's training base won't be ready on time, although the evidence for this seems to be that the goalposts haven't been erected yet.
On the opposite page is , a group of women planning to disrupt the footie to protest about sexual exploitation.
"Our God is woman, our mission is protest, our weapons are bare breasts," goes the group's motto. The Star uses the headline "We'll bare boobs at England fans!"
Paper Monitor has become confused - who is exploiting whom? Time for a lie down.
The 
