The latest postcard we've received is of two dead mice.
What the hell have we started?
We'll put it on this page soon. We're all a bit drunk now to handle the technology. Hence the newsletter appears double.
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PM, Pointless Blog Postcard Thing, Room G601, 成人论坛 News Centre, London W12 7RJ.
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Should we be worried that you're all drunk and you're on air in an hour? Or is this some secret PM tradition?
Perhaps you could prop your dead mice postcard in the corner of the studio with the corpse.
I think it's a corpse - he hasn't moved since I started watching the webcam.
What鈥檚 wrong with being drunk? Ask a glass of water.
On a serious note, I鈥檇 like to advocate the notion that not drinking alcohol is also an option. Perhaps binge drinkers of a youthful disposition are encouraged by the fact that not only is drinking socially acceptable, but that not drinking is often seen in the opposing light. There.
Hey, Dr Hackenbush
I don't drink water I've seen what fish do in it.
It was probably drink that killed the mice. Think on that when you sober up.
sb6
re 5: That's why I don't plan on soberinbg up!
Did I really just hear a story about the toilet habits of a chess player called Vaseline?
Tony (2) - I can't see anybody (or, indeed, any body) on the webcam.
Is Mr Ed in a secret nuclear bunker or broadcasting where his feet go brown?
I think we should be told.
SB6 - but probably SB10
It can't possibly be that the webcam isn't what it says on the tin, can it? Lissa wouldn't do that to us, would you?
Oh no, now there are two bodies...
You wouldn't be able to see the mice, dead or not the pic is so small.
Is there a Rolec on view?
ahh, nice - gave me a smile to hear that again rufus... plenty of spledid ones from the WC
oddly enough I actually do have a bottle of beer on my desk that I'm gently nursing into my body.
of course other bodies are available
re 6
As evidenced by your fingering, Fearless... ;)
well spotted!
Ah well, what can I say? It's the end of the week, and all outside is grey and rain-soaked. Thank heavens for the PM froggers:))
Fingering froggers eh?
New Age discrimination legislation?
You get the job if you have the requisite beads and crystals?
Stop it, Andy-fish. You know I'll bite.
Too many jokes spring to mind!
Nice one Kathy (14)
Carissimo Capo Capone (aka Signore Mair):
The mice conceal the message.
Do not forget your roots.
La famiglia ti ricorda.
You may run but you cannot hide.
D. Corleone
A tape is discovered in which Lissa has the starring role...
(Boss鈥 Office. Knock at the door)
Boss: Come in, come in my dear, Lissa isn鈥檛 it. How lovely to see you. What can I do for you?
Lissa : I鈥檓 terribly worried about Eddie, Sir.
B:Who?
L: Eddie. You know, The one I鈥檓 supposed to 鈥渓ook after鈥. Does the 5 o鈥檆lock slot on Radio 4. Cutting edge news & politics. As it happens. It鈥檚 what we do.
B:Oh yes, I remember now. Carolyn Quinn鈥檚 show. Lovely girl. Bit bossy, but then I like that in a lass. (dreamy pause)
L: Yes Sir. But when Carolyn鈥檚 busy, we have to use Eddie, & I鈥檓 just getting so stressed & worried at the moment ( voice breaks)鈥 I have to photograph 3000 postcards by tomorrow morning for the blog, & I have to do the producing some days because all the rest have gone off sick apart from Rupert, & he just hides under his chair whimpering all day. It鈥檚 absolutely terrible down there, and now Eddie鈥檚 started cooking in the studio during the programme. Horrible smelly things like onions & cumin & curries even, some nights.
B:Well he can鈥檛 do that! Whatever gave him the idea?
L:He heard about Jim & Sarah getting scones & clotted cream on 鈥淭oday鈥 & he thinks he鈥檚 so good at multi tasking he can cook as well as eat. He says because the canteen doesn鈥檛 open til 5 he gets hungry. And he keeps typing that wretched 鈥渂log鈥 of his while he鈥檚 eating 鈥 the computer鈥檚 covered in curry stains & there鈥檚 rice gone down the keyboard. I don鈥檛 know what IT Support are going to say.
B: So your main problem is?
L:The smell鈥檚 turning the guests green Sir. Some of the politicians won鈥檛 go into the studio because of it, so we鈥檝e had to borrow a phone line from The World at One and interview them from the office next door. They鈥檙e charging us 20p a minute & the programme budget just won鈥檛 stand that for long.
B Are you telling me none of the guests go into the studio now?
L: Only John Prescott Sir. He & Eddie shared a huge curry last night 鈥 you could hardly make out the interview there was so much eating going on. And empty beer bottles afterwards all over the studio鈥
(Thoughtful silence)
(tape is interrupted here lest a too-long blog gets moderated 鈥 but side B should follow later)
Please let me know when you receive the post card from Miami Florida. Thanks.
very good Annacee. you know the thing I couldn't understand about that whole Today program scone and jam and cream thing was - who on earth can eat cream scones at 8 in the morning? I mean, I give way to no-one in my hunt for the perfect scone but even I couldn't tackle one that early in the day.
plus I've been out this evening and now I've come back and three pointless postcards have appeared where at least one member of staff's photo was. When did that happen? I don't know, you turn your back for 5 minutes and when you come back the world is on its way to hell in a handbasket....
I'm off now to watch an episode of ER, but I remble at the thought of what will have happened by the time I get back for my pre-bedtime check of the frog.
(tape side B begins with thoughtful silence from Boss)
Boss: I鈥檝e got the complete solution. Just needed some helicopter thinking on this one. We鈥檒l move the PM show to the canteen, Eddie can cook & do interviews from there. I鈥檒l rent out the old PM studios to the someone from TV 鈥 they always need more room & we can make a big profit. That will more than pay for the phone line rental from World at One, to the canteen. In fact, if we put it out to competitive tender, you might get a phone cheaper from 鈥淭oday鈥. They finish work at 9 anyway so they don鈥檛 need it. Then, ( and this is my real stroke of genius,) any leftover food that Eddie鈥檚 cooked, we鈥檒l freeze dry, package up & sell through 成人论坛 Worldwide. We鈥檒l label it 鈥淯ncle (成人论坛 Worldwide Catering )Eddie鈥檚 Instant Meals 鈥 Ideal for microwaving while you listen to Uncle Eddie on the radio鈥 Brilliant! The DG鈥檚 going to love me for this!
Lissa: Yes Sir. Not too sure about the canteen staff though. Do you mind if I get back to my postcards now Sir? Only they鈥檙e blocking the fire escape .
B: No, no , run along my dear.
(tape ends to Boss humming happily to himself 鈥淲e鈥檙e in the money鈥)
Anne (21) - how do you remble? Sounds fun!
:O)
[complaint corner]
1. Glamasee - where is my Ironing CD? I know you must have had to make thousands, but I was one of the first to order it. Well, request it via email, that is. Maybe you didn't think I was serious!
2. why is no-one interested in Eleanor Thomas's sad goldfish story?
[end complaint corner]
Excellent stories Annaseed!
Is it pronounced "scone" or "sconn", anyone?
The Chatbot's persistent, innee?
SB26
Maybe it's "scoon", andy :p
Aperitif - yes I noticed he was back. Just a bit boring, isn't he. What is the underlying purpose to being a chatbot? (I'm new to all this)
Andy - sorry, didn't you get a paypal invoice from the "staff" here? I can get him to send another if not. We have plentyof CD's here - your order the first of - well - one. I did actually think you'd changed your mind. Someone from Newsnight did that once - I was distraught. Really thought that was our big break. His email had the dinkiest colour copy of their logo across the bottom too. Sooooo posh. But , sigh... it was not to be. The road to fame & fortune is a steep one, I'm afraid.
I reckon it's pronounced SSSgon - (as in, "what's the fastest cake? sssssgon). But what would I know. I've only got a NEW ZEALAND accent for heavens sake. Hope you all feel mean now.
it's sconn of course.
I have a much sadder - yes really - goldfish story than Eleanor's.
if you don't kow how to remble Chris - well you don't know what you're missing! but it's the sort of thing that needs face to face tuition, can't be done via frog sadly.
you know I feel this should have occurred to me before but who on earth produces postcards with pictures of dead rodents? and what sort of sick person buys them? I think we should be told.
Actually I think if I were a member of the PM production team I think I'd be a bit worried
'Lissa and Rupert - they sleep with the mice'
Glamasee : PayPal doings done, I must have turfed out the original email with the spam I suppose.
I eagerly await ... :)
anne : I don't want to hear any more sad goldfish stories. One's enough for a while.
Annasee (27) a couple of weeks ago someone posted a link to an article about robots who speak (I think) 40+ languages and are designed to pop up in chatrooms etc. and... do you know, for the life of me I can't remember what the point was. These had been amusingly named "Chatbots". (Sorry, that should've said 'These had been "amusingly" named "Chatbots".')
Anyway, since then it has been noted (by Eagle-eyed Fearless*, I seem to recall) that we appear to have our very own Chatbot (not to be confused with a 'talkative arse') who crops up just to say something unlikely and refer us to his website. He has a lovely name though.
I'm sure someone else can refer you to the original story - or provide a more coherent explanation, but that's the essence of it, I think. Keep your eyes peeled! (eww).
*not so eagle-eyed he can find my hidden cameras, mind you.
maybe I have found them and I'm just not saying!
I'm glad to see I'm not the oly one who shudders at the phrase "Keep your eyes peeled". As a youngster I never liked that at the end of Police 5...
But Fearless, if you've found them why haven't you removed them?
Well, this way I can get good feedback about my sartorial choices. I need all the help I can get!
re 34: Today's relaxation outfit looks entirely suitable to me.
At least you haven't laughed about the haircut!
btw, AndyCragg, Valery, Doc and Fearless, I know where you all go when you've had enough of the nonsense here, or want to retreat to EMBRACE each other. I wouldn't mind, I only found the 'back of the wardrobe', because I thought Peter Rippon looked rather handsome and I wanted to examine him more closely. Couldn't bring myself to join in though - one silly, distracting pastime is more than enough...
Aperitif - what the hell are you on about?
in 37 I mean.
:卢.
(I've completely missed this "cameras" stuff - but if you are lookng at this blog through a scanner darkly, then... I wasn't even there...)
Appy - thanks for 31 - I thought it must be something to do with sending traffic to a web site, but didn't know the derivation. Well I've never looked at his website so it hasn't worked. Not much to entice one with conversation -wise - so why would you bother?
Andy - thanks, your cd will be in the post Monday. Hope you've been saving all your ironing (if not I could send you ours to test drive. There's plenty of it)
Re the mice. Honestly, everyone is barking up the wrong tree (splendid mixed metaphor) there's nothing sinister about them -it's ART for heaven's sake. And they're an exclusive import- you try asking your local village post office for their selection of dead mice post cards & see how far you get. Ditto WH Smiths or Paperchase. Sometimes the New World has so much to teach the old world about trends in contemporary art...
Whisht (38) - I fear only those in the cult (I know where it meets but have not joined) will understand my 37 - but try getting to know Peter Rippon a little better and you'll soon see what I mean.
The reference to cameras is quite simple. I have strategically placed cameras in Fearless' house and in many other locations that I am not prepared to divulge. This is becasue I work for the RSPCD (think duvets) and am on covert operations. Or maybe not - but how would one know?
Annasee (39), I've been to the 'Wirld of Wirriblert' in Nelson (pronounced 'World of Wearable Art' elsewhere). The use of the terms "New World" and "Comtemporary Art" in the same sentence therefore has a special "thrill" for me...
Aperitif - thanks, that makes me feel so much better.
scared. very, very scared.........
:卢*
Valery,
I have just read your 22 on 'Perv'.
Thought you would like to know.
Wow!
Someone (is it Chris Legard?) is in the studio!
Either that or the webcam is lying to me. Good grief. At this time on a Sunday morning?? Did you get up thinking it was Monday sir?
Frankly, I didn't forgo my Sunday lie-in for this - on with the "important" typing...
I've realised my mistake re 42. You'd think the words "Webcam Live: Weekdays 1700-1800
Saturdays 17.00-17.30" underneath would've been a clue...
Aperitini, thanks for reading!
Ah, so we have a new member? Excellent, well once you've got all that work done, you can investigate further, but not till then.
Not been around much myself, we seem to have picked up a worm which has hijacked our email address and we are being deluged with "undelivered message" style emails, but emails we didn't send! They use the last part of our email address but with a different front-end. I daresay you techy-types may be able to give me a bit of advice?
Now get on with that work (now I'm having to organise you Ap, as well as Fearless!)
Pleased to see Sunday is as busy as the rest of the week for all us blog commenters. Just thought you would like to know the cat left us a sweet little dead mouse in the cellar today. Only as big as my little finger. Do you think he has been reading this blog? I don't see why not - if a 3 year old can buy a car on ebay Gordon (that's his name by the way) could certainly operate our computer.
Val - I'm no techy (see my views on Firefox elsewhere) but your email problem sounds sinister to me. I'd be going over your computer with a bucket of bleach & a scrubbing brush if it were mine. Or get some really good worm tablets from the chemist & pop them into those little slots along the side - are they called USB ports? One pill per port should fix it.
hi all,
has anyone read the webcameron blog thing??
uh oh.....
the "open Blog" shows a few signs of seeding and moderating.
the pieces to camera are... hm. I'll take my politicians interviewed methinks
I definitely hope a piec on his blog makes the PM programme...
oh - i posted it here!!
duh!
I just repeated my self on the previous posting!!
must be the weather.
anyway, I've signed up to webcaeron and started posting.... lets see if its quicker than here or (godforbid David) slower! (thats our David Mc and not the cam...)
also I've discovered this site:
oooohhhhh I'm gonna have fun asking David about his poetry....
Valery, re Ah, so we have a new member? Excellent, well once you've got all that work done, you can investigate further, but not till then.
Any idea when that will be?
About tomorrow lunchtime I seem to remember - it was Your plan, Ap?
Thanks Annasee - yes, it makes me feel extremely invaded and so on. I'll try the worming tablets, just as soon as I've worked out why this new whoop-de-doo 2007 (sic) internet security suite we have now downloaded makes the whole jingbang lot run unfathomably slower than it did before (and that was bad enough). You can press the start button, go and have a walk round the policies, catch up with the ironing and make a coffee, then come back and it's just about ready to let you do something on it - by which time you've either forgotten what it was you were going to do (happens all the time sadly) or changed your mind.
Hi Val: I recommend booting the machine up, open the scurity suite and check for updates, then disconnect from the internet. Next, run through a complete system scan with the security suite virus scanner (make sure to check the available advanced options to include any hidden or system files). That can take an hour or two to run, but it should scrub everything clean (without the need for Brillo pads!*).
Appy how's the work going? I saw from your other posts you'd got to a proof-reading stage...
*other wire-wool soap pads are available
we are being deluged with "undelivered message" style emails, but emails we didn't send! They use the last part of our email address but with a different front-end
(45)
This is a typical spam e-mail tactic, which suggests that this 鈥榳orm鈥 sent news of your e-mail domain to said spammers, which are seemingly always automatic. Unfortunately, once the data is secured, there doesn鈥檛 seem to be anything much you can do to stop the spam. I get rather a lot of it...
P.S. All should know that there is a capital 鈥業鈥 in Internet.
SB52 ?
Just for fun, shall we all keep quiet about the new "listeners postcards" feature on the blog today?
...meanwhile, we should all mention that the calendar says it's September, but the dates fall on the days for October.
Fearless and Doc - many thanks. Watch this space.
Are you sure the mice are dead?
could they be sleeping?
could they be pretending to be dead?
could they be in a coma induced by boredom?
could one be dead and the other alive?
could one be dead and the other asleep?
could the other one be dead end the other asleep?
so many questions.
I think we should be told.
PS My horse escaped
Oh Tim C, hi there? Where have you been all this time?