On the programme tonight we're toying with the idea of a story about Neil Armstrong's first words on the moon. Did he mean to say "One small step for A man" instead of what we all remember. New analysis of the recording suggests he DID say "a man".
Which got us wondering. If YOU were about to set foot on the moon - the first human to do so....what would YOU say? We may mention the best ones on the programme. But don't let that add to the pressure.
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One small step, wooaargh! Ok, take me to your leader.
鈥淲hat did I come up here for? I forget.鈥
I'd say: Mmm, where's that Eddie Mair when you need him?
"One small step for A woman"
Armstrong has expressed his preference that written quotations include the "a" in parentheses.
Theories that he consciously took the statement from J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit ("not a great leap for a man, but a leap in the dark") are denied by Armstrong.
Personally, I'd have preferred "We come in peace, for all mankind", but I guess you'd need an indigenous audience for that.
Any chance the 成人论坛 could actually do a space-related story without the obligatory indulgent chuckle and patronising tone, intended, it seems to distance the presenter from "all this geeky stuff"?
Did anybody else hear what Rob the Weatherman just said on the 1 p.m. weather forecast?
"Sunshine makes you feel warm, showers don't"
What pearls of wisdom might he have presented us from 'up there'?
I think we've dropped a big CLANGER coming here for three nights... is that a Soup Dragon grazing over there?
Hmm, dull here, maybe I'll go to that happening planet, Pluto
hey, its not made of cheese then...
"Well, here we are then. Isn't this nice?"
...
"I claim this planetoid in the name of the 成人论坛." That'd put the wind up them.
...
"Are we nearly there yet?"
...
"Is this thing on?"
It is cheese!!!
" Bugger Me!"
Contrary to received wisdom, no human has yet set foot on the moon. A spacesuit life-support system sub-unit of a larger sub-unit may have done so.
xx
ed
Did I cancel the papers?
"Is anybody here?"
Whats that blue police telephone box and Casonova doing with that big metal pepper pot and sink plunger?
Dull? No atmosphere here at all.
"Put a 拢1 in the meter love, I'll be at the fruit and veg stall"
"there is no dark side of the Moon really... matter of fact it's all dark"
"Hello? Can you hear me? I'm on the Moon...."
Okay, that was funnier when I pictured a man on a train saying it.
Hang on a minute...this looks very much like Nevada to me.
"no, YOU go outside and see if it's safe"
I thought this was the Acton bus!
"Okay, now everyone remember where we parked..."
Is the "Man In..." in?
I told you go before we left the house...
Tomorrow night I shall be taking my 6 year old daughter to see a 'physical-theatre play' called "Muttnik - the first dog in space!". It's apparently loosely based on the story of Laika, the dog the Russians chose to launch into space in the 1950s. Not that poor Laika had much choice in the matter. Needless to say she didn't get a chance to send any postcards back to our planet...Anyway, we're very excited about seeing the play and will give feedback if anyone is interested? I wonder what Laika would've said/barked if she'd been able to set a paw on the moon?
... I wonder if newly married moon people go off on their honeyearths...?
Re (26):
"Derr iz no woof!"
Ecky thump Grommit it's not made of Wesleydale after all!
aww hell - I always end up at the wrong end of the beach...
Dusty, isn't it! Did anyone bring the hoover?
"So Earth is finite!" What the heck.
'I can see my house from here.'
PLANET 鈥 FIXING MANUAL
Mankind is not designed for the 鈥済ood life鈥; like an over-watered houseplant, we go rotten. Various improvements are being offered, from micro-chips in the brain to world government, but they all suffer from a lack of proper appraisal of the current situation with respect to humankind鈥檚 limitations in terms of maturity. Further, while gods, as envisaged by humankind, both 鈥渒now and care鈥, they don鈥檛 seem to have the solution either. We are on our own.
When we went to the moon, and photographs showing 鈥渇inite earth鈥 came back with the astronauts, one might have expected a total shift of consciousness down here.
It didn鈥檛 happen. Piecemeal, on our TV screens, we see the planet and the diverse activities of its peoples 鈥 from war to pollution to starvation 鈥 but the whole picture at once, does not impinge on the mind of those who propose answers.
The awful reality is that any clever solution of a 鈥渂olt on鈥 kind, to planet Earth, amounts do 鈥渄isease management鈥 not fundamental cure.
Since joining the ranks of the planet-fixers, I have become more and more convinced that the problem lies in human cleverness, and almost certainly originates from the beginnings of agriculture; a 鈥測ang鈥 intervention in the 鈥測in鈥 of the 鈥済athering鈥 ethos.
Today everything is yang 鈥 even, though paradoxical, the 鈥渧eal-crate鈥 constraint of men to make them soft and acceptable; a pale residue of their natural selves.
I mentioned the inability of gods above. I made no mention of goddesses. One might note that the 鈥-ess鈥 ending, added to feminise, is today, un-PC and tantamount to a blasphemy! This extreme was thousands of years in the maturing.
My conclusion is that the current dominant culture (male to its rotten roots) that started with farming and ends with man-mediated-mayhem, runs counter to our in-built (male/female equivalence) nature. It is poignant to note that the culmination of this 鈥渞un-away鈥 culture is the nuclear bomb which relies on the deliberate, man-made, initiation of a run-away reaction 鈥 an abuse of Nature 鈥 鈥淭he Final Countdown鈥.
My assertion is that our culture emanates from the forceful impingement of higher-brain activity, particularly language, on genetic animal imperatives. As such it MUST, as its first duty, reinforce Nature鈥檚 norms. There are residues and glimmerings of such in odd spots around the globe, but the dominant 鈥淲estern鈥 culture runs utterly counter.
If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.
If sadness were wisdom the truth could not hide. Barrie Singleton 2.10.06
OF BEDS
As the oyster yields a pearl
man invents.
Neither realises their fecundity
is rooted in irritation:
of one - the body
of the other - the mind.
Man kills the oyster
for its pearl.
And kills his own World
for that eureka moment of invention.
Given the Busty Regulation that Shaun Ley gave last week, I thought he rather slurred an "Sh" when he said "In the City..."
Blue Earth,
you saw me standing alone
without a dream in my heart
without a love on my own....
I needn't have brought my reading glasses...
"Oh bum! I think I left the gas on."
"Um, Buzz? You know they said we'd just be in a film studio in Nevada? Bloody engineers and their sense of humour..."
"That's one small step... ewww. I think I just found out where Laika ended up."
Have you got the postcard for that "Pointless PM Blog" thingy
Finally made it ma. Top of the world!
Hello, Helllloooo!, Coooooeeeeee!
Re "Blue Earth", currently #36
That last line should probably read
without a love of my own,
I just cut and pasted from another web site and did not notice before I submitted...
or
without a love, on my own
works, but not quite what Rodgers and Hart were thinking.
SB38
"Finally, now the Mother-in-Law can't get to me"
Suddenly I feel all "Les Dawson"! Nurse, where are my pills?
I think I've put on a little weight.
I always wanted to be shot into space.... My mum said if my dad had got the timing right, I would have been.
Can I have your autograph, Mr Presley?
"One small step for a man, one giant leap for a grasshopper".
Borrowing from Dorothy in Wizard of Oz:
"Eddie, I don't think we're in Shepherds Bush......"
Memo to - Des Lynam.
This is the mother of all commutes!
Re. 36, you're right. It was Shaun's City Shares Check.
I'd heard that Neil Armstrong was at the time actually on the radio to the Command Module ordering his lunch ..."That's one doorstep with ham, one giant leek and some rind"
I wonder if Barrie is OK?
"Who left this London double decker bus here?"
MIND THE GAP!
No he said 'one small step for a moon' Very PC.. Planetary Correct
...you know that "Get away from it all" holiday that travel agent sold us, Buzz, well.....
...have you got the factor 5000 sunblock?...
...why does that cow keep appearing in the sky?
(36) and (50) - yes, I heard that too.
(51) Nick
There was the time when Welshman Milton Jones went to the moon in his radio programme:
鈥淥ne small step for man, one giant leek for mankind.鈥
Eddie,
" What do you call one politician on the moon?
A problem!
What do you call two politicians on the moon?
A problem!
What do you call one hundred politicians
on the moon?
A problem!
What do you call all the politicians on the
moon?
Problem solved!"
Right Buzz, where's the piece of paper that I wrote my quote on?
"Is this Mars?"
I knew I should have booked with a reputable travel agent, they haven't even started builing the hotel yet!
Hey Eddie,
Its just been announced that aliens are due to land on earth. Its reported they'll take all the good looking people to the moon for a week.
I'll let you know what its like when I get back.
Cheers,
X.S.
Wilma! I am home!
Hey guys; whaddayuknow - free parking!
Are you sure it's not pay & display Houston?
"What's this fire extinguisher & roll of hazard tape doing here already? Oh I see - Health & Safety had to do an audit to check if it was safe for me to be the first person here. But that means..."
One Small Step for Humanity.
Houston! The Brits got here first. They've just clamped the bloody module!
AND I'VE GOT A SPEEDING FINE!
Ah...Houston. Didn't bring any cash and the Brits want a couple of million bucks to unclamp the module. By the way - can't drive back. I've got 350,000 points on my licence.
Who decided we should have beans for breakfast?
Hey diddle diddle.
Crikey! Where's a bloke to get a drink around here?
Damn me! Glasgow looks pretty flat from up here!
One small...yeeeeeouch! OK - what smartass forgot the steps?
Oh dear, no prize for us then :(
Eddie stopped the guy giving the website for the audio clip of 'One small step for (a) man...'
Where's the webiste?!
This is going to drive me crazy if I can't find it...
yeh.. but what was the web page you spoke about
and to be honest...
Who cares.. well appart from those who belive that it was all a fake anyways!
Speaking as somone who certainly aint from the same planet as you guys... bleep blip bleep
8-)
oh and please take me to your leader.. I could do with a laugh....
This little piggie went to market,
This little piggie stayed home.
This little piggie had roast beef,
This little piggie had none.
And this little piggie said: 'Wheee... several piggies on the moon!'
We were promised a web site where we could view the evidence on what Neil Amstrong said, but all we got was a pointer to bbc.co.uk/pm from Eddie.
Not good!
Brian
Neil: "That's one small step for a .. Hey, wait a minute! There's no stars, the flags are fluttering and the shadows are a bit dodgy!"
Director: "Cut!"
END
Armstrong: "Buzz, got the matches for the rocket?"
Aldrin: "No Neil, I thought you had them"
Actually is you listen carefully he says "One diant neap for Makrrrrkkkk". And there's an explanation;
Aldrin: "What's a biant leap?
So, did I win?
(This is a question, and not a moon landing quote.)
I agree I wanted the web address not to be sent to the PM page. Give us the link before more people get irritated with your programme
Re the seventies - I believe Barry Sheene used to advertise Brut.
'one small step for (a) man - a giant step backwards for the moon'
2, 24 and 25 all made me make audible laughter noises.
I heard Sean/Shaun referring to shares in the shitty too.
The guy is getting very lax - or does he just like us all to talk about him?
In view of the news report, I think I'd have said "To be or not to be..."
Thats one small step for a man, and... yep thats another.. and another .. yes I think I,m getting the hang of this
re M T Hussain pls push for a stay 1 month allowable under Pakistan Law due to Ramamdan.
re 87
Glad to hear you laugh again after stressing about work. How did it go? Did you meet the deadline?
So, is it true you can write any old rubbish in here and other people read it?
Errr, Eddie there are loads of crates out here, with arabic writing on them and pictures of Saddam Hussein.
Never mind the web-link to a rotten old quote.
What I want is to be able to download a sample of Eddie's after shave.
87 - I heard it too as we were driving home, & said I just knew it would end up on the blog. But I did think someone would have given us the clip here so we could keep listening again& again & again. They're quick enough to put Charlotte Green on, I notice.
..this'll wind up the pedants on Earth:
To boldly go, where no man has gone before
Hey! This reminds me of someplace....Oh yeah...Iraq.
What strikes me is how the American worldview has shrunk since 1969. Today, the word "mankind" has almost disappeared from public speech, to be replaced by the word "America."
Well, that's a lie!
Think about it, Eddie!
"One small step for man (no indefinite article); one giant leap for Mankind" doesn't make sense.
"Man" without the article means the same as Mankind. The whole is self-contradictory when the "a" is left out.
Put in the "a" and we get the brilliant metaphor that Armstrong intended!
成人论坛 Censorship?
If you listen again, the programme is cut off just as Shaun says
"In the Sh...."
Eddie/Lissa, do you have the originals?
...even worse in the censorship, if you look at the schedule,
/radio4/schedule/2006/10/02/day/
you'll find that a whole swathe of the schedule, around the world at one, is strangly missing. I had to go in via Tuesday's (which says that wato tomorrow will be with Nick Clarke, so perfect enunciation and no more of these "slips"), only to find the listen again had been ruthlessly cut just as Shaun gets to the first vowel of his slurred "City"
"Grommit! The crackers!"
re 92, thank you Fearless, you're a kind sort. Well, yes deadline met, but, without going through all of the details, now I have a related piece to write and so am going to be pretty busy again for the next couple of days. I'm hoping to be done by Thursday, then I can attend a seminar on Friday and just listen to other people talk. Just longing for Saturday: planing a bit of a lie in, a haircut and afternoon cocktails followed by wherever the fancy takes us. It's the anticipation that's keeping me going.
re 93, yes.
re 97, This pedant is not upset: There's actually nothing wrong with "to boldly go", other than that it sounds a bit clumsy. The idea that one mustn't "split" an infinitive is silly - "to go" isn't the infinitive: that is "go". To split it one would need to say "to gboldlyo". Or so I was taught anyway.
I would say "Allahu Akbar" God is Great and then follow it by a prostration(although not sure how easy that would be in 0 gravity and space suit).
[psshhhkkkkttttt]
"Kirsty?"
"Kirsty - are you there?"
[sssssccchhhhhpsshkkttt]
"Kirsty..? Its Eddie, Kirsty. Eddie, for his interview. I must say I'm really flattered..."
"It's all a bit radio verite this Desert Island Disk thing you're doing..."
"Hello..?"
"Oh - don't close the hatch. No.. hello? Hello - I say, don't close the hatch..."
[pffFFfffsshhhhhhhssscccccCCHHHhhkkkkttt]
I'd say "Crackers Gromit, we've forgotten the crackers!"
re 105 Aw shucks! I just know what it's like to have to work for a deadline that means pulling out the stops, only to find that suceeding only means that you've been "volunteered" to do more on an even tighter timescale next time. Remind me to tell you about the WEEE/RoHS joy I got caught up in sometime. Don't worry, we'll keep you supplied with chocolate, crisps, & insanity while you work on the next bit:))
Boldy going? I tend to be a bit of a pedant on that, only because my dad drilled it into me for so many years....
Aperitif (#105, at the moment, anyway)
I wasn't planning on starting a debate on the matter in this blog, it was more a case of using the quote as first words on the moon that would then cause (I hoped) an even bigger debate on the grammar &c than the actual first words did...
Afternoon cocktails during Sat PM, I assume, especially if sequin's on duty.
Love No. 88 - made me chortle with mirth. Also like "To gboldlyo" - what a great word.
By the way, welcome all new bloggers from an old fogie, do continue to gild the lily....
Usman (#106).
The moon has gravity, albeit a small fraction of Earth's; if it were zero, then the module would drift away as soon as it landed, and any astronaut who jumped would go into their own earth orbit.
However, NASA/ESA/Russians/Chinese would get upset at you getting all that dust into every crevice of the space suit, apparently the suits NASA used were getting so worn out by the sharp angular dust in the few moonwalks of each mission that there was a danger of leaks. Might be better to do the prostration within the lunar module (and easier).
FF (#109),
I've just got RoHS compliant switches that, if you try and solder with lead free, not only does not work but "poisons" the surface, and will not solder with anything after that.
But work a dream using lead solder.
OK, not exactly on thread...but a current rant.
'This is Major Tom to Ground Control.'
Pedantry? not tonight thanks. Don't quote me on that of course.
SB115
Two things:
Shaun Ley mentioned his 鈥榖usty鈥 exploits in the World at One newsletter last week.
Oh, and, from the title, I was expecting this topic to include more of Eric鈥檚 thoughts on his favourite member of Steps - the former popular music combo. So which is it?
One small step for man, a Tescos trolley up here?
Dollar hu Akhbar!
xx
ed
Fearless,
re Remind me to tell you about the WEEE/RoHS joy I got caught up in sometime.
Do tell - only, you'll need to explain what WEEE/RoHS means. From John W's later post it sounds (warning: sexist comment coimng) "a bit blokey" to me - kind of thing my Dad would understand right away, if it invoves computers and soldering...
re Don't worry, we'll keep you supplied with chocolate, crisps, & insanity while you work on the next bit:)), thank you - you're a star :)
re 118
Trust me, it's too boring for words :( That's why they come up with Acronyms for them. The 2 acronyms stand for Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment, and Restriction Of Hazardous Substances. If you're involved in the electronics business, as I am, then it becomes a big deal, and the last couple of years will've been spent tearing your hair out over them...
READY !!
Are we still on the 'Small step for man' thing, or is this a private conversation on something else? Just thought I'd ask.
I don't travel to the moon and back for just any man.
Ah, no, I have lots of hair thank you.
David (121, presently), for what?
123 - Who said you were coming back?
Has anyone spotted the bit on the 成人论坛 News Magazine ( ) debunking the "Good luck, Mr Gorsky" quote? It's a shame, really!
Huh, any article which references a "leading moon-landing scientist" comes over as a tad whimsical anyway.
It is a shame - I guess it's like the Peter Mandelson guacamole thing: Comedian says it, gets a laugh, it spreads rapidly, becomes legend and is assumed to be true... because one wishes it were!
I heard it was to do with Mr G's wife granting him certain sexual favours though, rather than the more bland reference in the report.
I guess that Auntie Beeb was trying to protect the young 'uns from reading things they shouldn't... I think I know what you're alluding to Appy, and it's the version I heard as well...
Woah! Get a load of the bounce in that cow!