It's a bit depressing, I know
that this blog in recent days has become about the deaths of great broadcasters. Now Mr Freeman has passed. We knew he'd been ill for some time. A while back - in my BH days - we wanted to do a piece taking the wotsit out of all those list programmes: Top 100 this, Top 100 that. We thought we'd ask Fluff to record our top 100 numbers, from 1-100, which we would then countdown randomly - and pointlessly - during the show. He wasn't up to doing it, and frankly, he was the only one we wanted.
We're working on putting a piece together which will give us all a chance to listen to his voice again. Thanks to Piper by the way for the crazy yet though-provoking contribution on the apology post. Spooky.
Will try to post some amusing audio in a while to cheer us all up. But for most of the morning I'm working on what can only be described as a secret project. We're trying to lure Ant or Dec to the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ in revenge for losing Michael Cigar.
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Yes, sorry to lose Fluff, even though I wasn't really a huge fan. He was just part of my childhood, being of the pop-picker generation.
On a more personal note, Eddie: Can you tell us now, was it Mr. Cigar who was so v. nice to you about the Blog? Or do we have to keep guessing?
May I suggest that, as a leaving present to him, you could present him with a signed copy of your topless heading?
Q - How do you de-cant a cigar?
A - You down-grade it.
Michael Cigar?
I know who you've lost (can't fail to miss it after all - it seems nothing else has happened this weekend) but how does "Grade" become "Cigar"? Am I displaying my ignorance in respect of big smokes or what?
Q: How do you down-grade a cigar?
A: You de-cant it.
Just as an alternative, you understand.
No, Big Sis (1), it wasn't him...
Eddie, I thought the dreaded A&D came joined at the hip. They're a 2-for-1 deal. And which one is which?!?!?
Ah well ............
The other one, Mr. Mark D-G perhaps?
If you're interwebbing for cheap fizzy wine to lure them, I think you'll find they probably prefer to be nuked. As I would if they did come.
However - it means there's a vacancy.... although you'd probably have to take a drop in pay.....
but you'd get a hat, to hide the missing bit.... and he's probably left some socks. Actually with that rise in pay he's probably giving them away.
Go for it Enid!
If anyone does need cheering up ... but with a serious point ... look at this video clip.
It's our first ever attempt at a video, and the webmeister clearly had his politically aware hat on when he put it together.
Between the serious bits there are indications that Fifi is a giggler . . .
Michael Cigar..? Don't know him, BUT, if he's the fellow below, I've a good guess as to his present whereabouts...
A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in
quote; a series of small fires, quote; The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal
fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the
Insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the " fires"
NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and
was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
So, now we know...
It's disturbing so it is with all these famous broadcasters leaving us.
Eddie, are you feeling alright?
Hey, how exciting is this?
Five minutes ago, into my in box dropped YESTERDAY'S newsletter.
You're right, it isn't exciting at all. Although it would have been a bit exciting to get it yesterday.
Is it true? Michael Grade's gone back to hospital radio.
Fifi (10)
So you're anti-war then? And a giggler as well?
Salaam/Shalom/Shanthi/Dorood/Peace
ed
Fifi,
Great video
FFred (6);
Ant & Dec always stand in the same place relative to each other. As you see them on the TV: Ant is the one on the left, Dec is on the right. You'll need a crowbar or dynamite to separate them though.
No, I can't stand the talentless fools. But SO is a small-time fan of 'I'm a Talentless Fool, get me..'. So I occasionally have to put up with it being on in the house.
Joe P (currently 14);
He may as well have done! It operates at about the same level of quality programming.
Si.
Of course, that should really read
"dec-ant"
but I thought that would make it too obvious.
Am I turning into Humphrey Littleton?
Only if you want to be added to the list containing JDepp ect ect.
can I add Boris Becker, or is that too weird even for the 2%?
blimey, everyone's been a bit harsh toward ITV aren't they? I mean, ok it was started by Low Grade, but still....
oops. typo.
ah, poor old Pope being quoted by the Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
Mind you it illustrates something about the religion and why he's at the head of the Church.
Growing up RC has allowed me the great advantage of thinking 2 diametrically opposite things and not worrying about it.
which is useful for moments like:
"of course you look lovely in that",
"yes, of course, you're right..." and
"no, its lovely and just what i wanted..."
but the pontiff is at the top for good reason with:
""(he said) we are not political but we wish for Turkey to join the EU,"
class.
Si (17)
If we decide on dynamite, baggsiey I light the fuse. ;-)
H.
Well, Ant and Dec did start out on the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ so it is all their fault.
Sometimes Auntie gets it right (Lord Muir, Nick Clarke) or sometimes utterly utterly wrong (Jeremy Clarkson, anyone else). Not that the departure of Michael 'F' Grade will affect that one iota.
Open question to all: How would you fix the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ if you had the choice and the knighthood?
Thanks for the video Fifi.
(in a small voice) - I rather like Ant & Dec although I'm not usually partial to that kind of stuff. They come over as natural entertainers, a refreshing, erm, refreshment imho.
Talking of fluff (not the dear, departed Alan), here's part of a message I just got from the top man at my University. It's the result of a consultation on the future of the Uni...
"...the excellence agenda can only be pursued by ensuring that our structures and service provision are fit for purpose through sustainable partnerships..."
The "excellence agenda" itself, when decoded into English actually says, "We need to do our jobs well."
I don't know about you, but I'm really glad I've been told that. I hope this revelation also changes the worklives of all of you reading this.
By the way, anyone know how I go about getting a job as a management consultant? I'm sure I'd be able to successfully integrate out-of-the-box paradigms and create an excellence agenda, by a process of fully realising a sustainable partnership between customers' bank accounts and my own.
Belinda:
Your question assumes that it's broke. And if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Sometimes I'd rather Auntie didn't do things (i.e. they're not to my taste), but generally I think she's lovely. Maybe, just maybe, Mr. Cigar will work some magic on the other side (not a bad thing, in my view). I guess, all things considered, I'd rather have a choice between high class TV stations than high class and c**p.
But definitely not Antonio's Decorating Company. Don't allow them back, Eddie!
Great video Fifi.....and a fellow giggler as well (I always get the giggles at the most inappropriate times, sadly put an end to any aspirations I ever had of being a serious newsreader!!
....and sorry I have to hang my head in shame and confess.... I'm standing up in a circle of equally shifty looking folks who can barely make eye contact with each other "hello, my name is Fiona........and I like Ant and Dec", (spontaneous applause from the group as I take my seat again)
Ed (15) - where did you get that idea? I thought it was supposed to be ironic ;-)
I would say Boris Becker is definitely too weird, unless you have an affinity with laundry cupboards.
Sorry is there something wrong with Jeremy Clarkson? he makes me laugh. Top Gear and anything with Gordon Ramsay in are both in the mental folder marked 'You really shouldn't enjoy this but you know you do'.
I never understood the George Clooney thing though.
Anyone got a newsletter today?
Ant and Dec? Dec or Ant? I say, bring back Tom and Jerry ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ - (the Fred Quimby years). Brilliant.
Humph (22);
I know just where to stick the explosives!
SSCat (25);
you need to chill out more and learn to enjoy those seminars and corporate communications. It will prepare you for all those endless (and pointless) meetings during your working life.
For further examples of this kind of idiotic mumbo-jumbo I suggest the following link;
Drop down to the 'External links' section near the bottom of the page and open the fifth link, the one with the naughty word in the title.
Circulate to your friends prior to a really tedious seminar and enjoy!
Does anyone else find the concept of management consultants oxymoronic? I mean, think about it. You're basically admiting that you don't have the faintest idea about how to run your own organisation properly. And you expect some bunch of complete outsiders, with no knowledge of your business, to come in and tell you how to do it better than you.
I recall a TV programme a while back where Alan Sugar was prevailed upon to try management consultants at Amstrad (?). It ended up with the MBA-educated no-hopers being shown the door at great speed. Seems like a good idea to me. The NHS spent £179 million on this kind of pond-life last year. that would have helped reduce the deficit quite substantially!
Si. ;-)
Admin Annie - Today's Newsletter
Hello,
Michael Cigar has left the Corporation and to be honest, I can barely see my computer screen for the tears. We'll do our best to reflect the nation's shock and grief.
Also in the programme: what's become known as our spying update. The Chief Executive of the Health Protection Agency, Pat Troop has been on our programme, live, on three successive nights, including Saturday. We don't think this has happened before. Will she make it a fourth?
We are all on the edges of our seats, sobbing. Though the sobbing is related only to the loss of Mr Cigar.
We'll report on what the Pope's been up to, and may well debate the proposal to make it easier to get an abortion. I just realised I put those two stories in the same sentence. Not intentional. I think it's the shock and the grief and the fact my keyboard is waterlogged.
Yours in sorrow,
Lew Muir
Fifi (10)? Smashing video.
Eddie,
Will a Dimbleby to take over from a Grade?
Dear SSCat
You need a 'qualification' in HR. And then you have to practice writing wallybollocks till you can churn out communiques of no less than two sides of closely presented A4 (and thats for URGENT memos) without crying at your own inability to speak English. Then you have to have an infinite capacity for dreaming up incomprehensible mission statements
sorry I have to stop now, all the veins on my neck are rigid
Simon (31) & Humpf (22),
you can stick them with Neptune's/Poseidon's hand-tool...you know, the three-pointed forky thing.
Shanthi
ed
Aunt Dahlia
Apologies for my dog's eccentric ramblings - he has been disciplined!
A challenge for you - an incomprehensible mission statement for PM (50-100 words)
Simon (31):
Working at a University, I never thought I'd hear corporate gibberish coming from our senior officers, but I was wrong. (unaware of the situational reality).
More worryingly, I'm expecting to hear at the end of the week whether I get a promotion or not (regraded to reflect the actuality of the current workload) and I'm afraid (not fit for purpose due to stress-related distraction) that any money (fiduciary reward) that might have been allocated to a pay-rise has been swallowed up by paying management consultants (expletives deleted).
Aunt Dahlia (35):
I once went on an internal tutoring course which had some HR people there. They seemed reasonably human, despite not being appalled at the initial greeting session ("everyone go into the corridor and hug someone and tell them something about yourself").
Sadly I have a Higher Grade A in English, so I suspect I shall never be a consultant unless I have a frontal lobotomy. (Or is it pre-frontal? If "pre" is "in front of" what is in front of the front?)
In Smiths the other day I saw a pink Christmas Tree an a box marked "Pre-lit Christmas Tree".
Pre-lit? There didn't seem to be any light coming from the box.
Of course I could always pre-order one ...
RJD - That sounds just like an extended strapline ..........
Robbie, thank you for the newsletter. I've just got back from Norwegian and found two copies in my in-box, so that's better then yesterday. I'm beginning to think they do it deliberately just to keep us all wound up.
Big Sis, do you think we (you) should have a list of people interested in the Book Club, because otherwise people might get missed out and not get to make a choice. And I suppose that some people might be interested in just one of them and not both.
And just in case you don't come back here to check I will post this on the next thread as well, when it will let me.
Fiona - 27 - phew! thought I was out there on my own!
Dear Eddie - if Ant and Dec replace Michael Cigar may we have Tone and Dave doing PMs first radio bush tucker trial --- PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
yours - vicki short
Aunt Dahlia, I was about to tell you that Boris Becker is definietly too weird, but then someone mentioned Gordon Ramsay and I felt nauseous. You have ben out-weirded in a big way.
Ant & Dec are lovely. True, they present some dreadful programmes. True, they are not the brightest of boys. True, they laugh at things that really aren't funny. But their laughter is infectious - they're sweet.
They're not going on the list though.
PM: Best of ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ without the licence fee.
Put that in your cigar and smoke it, Michael Grade.