³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

1. Chelsea will win the Premier League title.
Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba getting on famously

TRUE. They don't look like losing and they can thank Hiddink (not Ancelotti) for getting the Stroppy Sisters Didi and Nicki dovetailing upfront when this time last year they were giving each other the dirtiest looks since Pat Butcher and Peggy Mitchell last got trolleyed together.

2. Manchester United will miss Ronaldo.

TRUE. So far they've had Valencia in his stead and... well you know when you're dumped by a cracking looking lass and your best mate Colin (plump and good at ) takes you down the boozer to cheer you up and all you can do is look at this well-meaning lummox that lass's face just comes into greater focus and all you can hear in your head yelling 'Here's what you could've won!'? That's Valencia at United.

Nani was never a decent replacement. The is special, but given what else the lad contributes you'd be just as well finding an actual cartwheel to play right wing. Rooney's started like a bull at a gate - when they show him tumbling in slo-mo the lad looks ever more like a that Sinbad might have to battle against. Top player, mind, but without the Tumbling Ego's ability to shred feeble teams, United will struggle - a bit.

3. Arsenal aren't strong/old/good enough.

FALSE. They looked top notch at OT. United had the usual quota of pens not given to the opposition. Short of running over Arshavin in a I'm not sure what else Darren Fletcher could've done to guarantee the Gunners a penalty. United did nowt but Wenger's team did the equivalent of a middle-order batting collapse in the second half. Almunia must have the same rush of blood to the head when he goes to his barber's and the Fred Flintstone defending of Yabu-Diaby-Doo was just ridiculous.

Arsenal could go great guns this season if they stop handing out gifts in hamper-sized chunks to their nearest rivals.
Arsene Wenger struggles to find a seat in the South Stand

I thought Wenger did mightily well to keep his cool after being sent to the stand, mind. Other managers be warned: no kicking of plastic bottles, no flicking of laggy bands, no spud guns, no paper aeroplanes or you go and sit in the corner with a bin on your head. Whaddya mean where? Over there with them Scots lads who are flicking the Vs, that's where.

4. Liverpool have their best chance in a long time of lifting the Premier League.

FALSE. They don't. They can't rely on friendly sending-offs and late pushes to nick wins this season. If Wenger was restrained then Sean Davis was positively angelic in not grabbing the hollow talent vacuum that is Lucas Leiva by his throat and shaking him like a rag-doll after his . And if I was Steven Gerrard I'd be wondering where Benitez finds the gall to to get the team winning again. If it wasn't for Gerrard, Benitez would've been out of a job long ago. It's like an Archbishop blaming Jesus for the state of Christianity.

Still the point is - and it has been this for at least two seasons - no Stevie and no Nando makes 'Pool a dull boy. And Rafa's not bought a damn thing that's going to make any difference. done ok but a decent full-back won't win you the title.

5. Man City need time to bed in.

FALSE, dammit! Well I thought they'd struggle to get it together but there's a Mourinho- like miserliness to them already. 'to take on a fresh challenge' (I expect that's what he said - anyone who gets to be on a six-figure a week wage always does. I expect the biggest challenge is to keep putting the phone down on financial advisers and selecting your investment portfolio wisely in these ).
Joleon Lescott contemplates the challenge at City

Adebayor says he feels 'loved' - bless! - as long as he doesn't tell everyone that he's off to Barca that might remain the case. The team look solid enough and Hughes could surprise a few of us and still be in the job by January.

6. Spurs will make the top four.

TRUE-ish. My prediction and I'm sticking to it if they can get in another centre-half. as he looks like the best very fast headless chicken we have available at right-wing although Shaun Wright-Phillips is an identical footballer. Harry's got more variety upfront than a Victorian Music Hall - although Modric's injury is going to be a tough one to overcome. Still I can just about see it happening.

7. The Big One. Will Boro bounce back?

NOT SAYING! Gary Johnson described us at the . Aw shucks. You're bound to then. I think we will go up but not if all teams have to do is a hopeful hump down over our centre-backs and you're in on goal. The Megsonian approach to forward planning. Does us every time.

Still it's been a bright enough start to the Premier League, I reckon. Here's the Blue Bell team of the first few weeks (with creditable mentions for , and of course but I had to bench them or you'd all be thinking I've been having some sort of London love-in).

Jensen (Burnley), Johnson (Liverpool), A.Cole (Chelsea), Vermaelen (Arsenal), Upson (West Ham), Lennon (Tottenham), Modric (Tottenham), Barry (Manchester City), Arshavin (Arsenal), Rooney (Manchester United), Adebayor (Man City).