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Shaun of the Dread

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Robbo Robson | 12:19 UK time, Monday, 16 November 2009

. He never really convinced, and there was always summat a bit whining about his pre and post-match conferences that suggested being a member of his squad might mean you ended the week chewing legs of tables as Burley whirred on at you.

Nevertheless, there is no doubt that even with andup front, this Scotland team couldn't conjure a win from anywhere right now. And the reason is simple. They're more than a bit hopeless.

If James McFadden is your major creative force then you're in deep doo-dah. Johnstone, Dalglish, Souness, Gemmill - they all seem a lifetime ago. If you're Scottish, thank the Lord the Home Internationals aren't still on.

Not that they couldn't have given a decent game to the England XI Capello put out on It was billed as a chance for someone to push their way into contention for South Africa but it came across at times as an almighty rush to the white leather sofas by the men in white.

Foster did OK - which is to say that he did nowt stupid - but at third choice in the pecking order of apparently squabbling United keepers, he's always going to be a worry.
Shaun Wright-Phillips tangles with Fernandes Michel Bastos
Shaun Wright-Phillips tangles with Fernandes Michel Bastos
In the absence of Luke Young there were no recognisable right-backs in the squad and Wes Brown did his best to confirm that impression. I mean if we're going to have a right-back who can't defend then at least let's have one who's good going forward.

Brown was so easily bypassed by the speedy Nilmar that you wondered if Wes had something on his mind. Had he left the gas on? Did he bring a bag? And why's that bloke running around like he's just scored from an utterly free position inside our box?

Upson and Lescott made solid (ish) dependable Terry clones of themselves, and Bridge was reliable enough too. We weren't much good in the middle of the park but we really came unstuck whenever the ball arrived at young Wright-Phillips.

His first touch is as deft as a spotty schoolboy on his first date. I want to like the lad 'cos he's always committed. My mate Tony Thompson talks about players who are 'in the zone' and reckons SWP is one of them. He's just not sure it's the right zone. Every time he plays, Lennon and Walcott get better.

Jenas is another frustration. He seems equipped with all the skills - good passer, can burst past defenders, decent shot on him - and yet everything he does betrays a lack of conviction. At one point I thought I was watching the only central midfielder I've ever seen that was playing with his back to goal.

There was one bloomin' awful free-kick he tonked from a central position 35 yards out towards the corner flag and the poor pasty Milner, visibly wilting in the heat, chugged off to try and spare the Spurs man's blushes. Capello was furious.

In fact Capello and Dunga were both pretty irate. It was hard to look at them and not think that they were both auditioning for a part in backroom staff. I've never seen two such obvious wise-guys.

Gareth Barry was average (is it me or does he move at half the speed of everyone else?) - and skipper for the night Rooney had one of them evenings where he spent most of his time gesturing hopelessly as another punt sailed over his head.

Darren Bent, on the other hand, hardly gestured at all. In fact he was all for that 'nice idea' thumbs-up strikers give to a midfielder who's just sent a ball hurtling into the stands. I mean what's the point of a having a nice idea if you can't deliver it? I'd love world peace but I don't get out much. Never mind Robbo, thumbs up any road!

It would be easy to say that's Bent's last hurrah for 2010, but frankly, the bloke never got a sniff of anything. I've read pundits saying the service to him could've been better. What service? If he'd have been in a restaurant he'd have starved to death. When he plonked himself on the bench he had the air of a labrador who'd gone out for a long walkies but never found a stick.
Darren Bent after being substituted in Qatar Darren Bent was a spectator for much of the game
Milner will make it to South Africa. He looks the part. He works his backside off. And he doesn't panic when he gets a bit of space, whereas SWP is positively agoraphobic.

Capello's Plan A is looking good though: James/Green; Johnson, Terry, Rio, A. Cole; Lennon, Lampard, Barry, Gerrard; Heskey, Rooney. That's pretty much it. You'll have Joe Cole, Beckham, Milner, Defoe, Crouch, Walcott, Bridge, and hopefully Hargreaves and Jagielka to return... it's still not looking too bad.

Plus Brazil were very good. A bit too good. And meaner than padlocks on your pockets. Maicon, who sounds like someone might take on, was quick to clog Milner when necessary. And Rooney was taken out with merciless efficiency by one of the big hulking centre-backs as he burst through on goal.

I mean, come on, where was the full-back's barefoot keepy-uppies? Where was the hip-swinging sashays by the centre-half? Lucio comes out from the back looking like the Governor of California.

That's not Brazil. I tell you, the rest of the qualifiers for 2010 are in trouble.
In the meantime there was one aspect of the match I didn't enjoy. A couple of numpties in our boozer spent the whole game squawking at every player on the pitch - and suggesting that Capello hasn't got a clue.

Them pillocks we could do without. I mean if Fabio hasn't got a clue just exactly what does George Burley not have?

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