The Tunnel of Love
Those of you who have been regularly following the show, will by now be well aware of Matt Morgan's aspirations to create a documentary about the secret tunnels that are within the U.K. You'll probably also be amused by the several enthusiastic attempts made by Russell to help pitch this idea to the all-powerful media chiefs. Now the "media chiefs" are a bit like the "movie moguls" in the sense that nobody knows who they are, but they do make big things happen (not to be confused with the "newspaper fat-cats" who get to print big headlines or "Top Cat" who close friends get to call T.C.).
During the last show, the guys were given the green light to go forth and create a pilot for the program and they both gave their suggestions. Now this is where the fun begins for me. I know for a fact that Matt has quite a keen interest in the historical aspect of caves and tunnels and I can easily see him studying away for hours to compile a well-researched and thoroughly informative piece of film-making. Educational, entertaining, measured.
Russell, on the other hand, will no doubt favour the more sensationalist approach: sex, scandal, showgirls, big musical numbers and a cast of thousands will somehow be worked into the script. So you may happen to see it all starting off with Matt leading a team of archeologists into an old abandoned treasure cave used by 15th century pirates. If, however, the cave then leads out into a yellow-brick road and you end up seeing a dancing troupe of scantily-dressed pixies accompanied by a chorus of singing ferrets... then you'll know where Russell's inspirational input began!
So what other documentaries do you think that the lads should apply their creative juices to? I think that they should re-unite the cast of the Bugsy Malone film and see where they are now, I wonder what Fat Sam's doing these days?
A Little Bit Of Everything
I'm the mics in the studio,
I absorb the madness,
I take in all the thoughts and ponderings,
To transmit all the gladness,
Such as...
Escaping the land of Fairies by the skin of our teeth,
Obtaining the ancient rhino horn to fight the spirit of parking schemes,
It hardly seems feasible that Brown and Brand could ever meet.
For a little piece of "face-time" to push the envelope out into the street,
I'm the switches being flipped, the music being played,
The crazy links to the "newsy-poos", the tunes that make your day,
Who's to say that Bugsy Malone won't ever lead the way,
As the anthem of the revolution or to Noel's love egg parade?
Matt's still tunnelling away on his phone playing the snake game,
Russell sold it with a rock & roll bid to control it and make it more insane!
I'm the pad on which Gee writes,
His poem left to recite,
Concluding a night of chuckling delights,
I'm the last breath on the mic...
I am everything
if my memory serves me correctly, theres a guy squatting by a maybe broken car in bugsy malone trying to start it again or looking at a tyr or something. he's a guy that grew up to star in the bill. black hair.. vague i know.. haha... he looks exactly the same then as he does now though!
Hi Mr Gee. The tunnel idea is great. I remember back in horror to the tunnel I had to go through at night under one of London’s hospitals (not at liberty to say which) connecting old university buildings to the hospital, and was used in the war by the secret service as safe means of passage. The tunnel went past the mortuary, old cases of books and early medical equipment and went off at junctions under a rickety system of lights. It was easy to get lost and if you ran it was just scarier. I don’t miss those nights, there were too many, id imagine the cadavers coming after me. The tunnel must have seen some terrible things.
Take care, love Ione x
I think that you guys should do a documentary on the lakes and rivers in England. Russell could captain a ship and sail it around the country giving cuddles to everyone! hee hee
I think that you guys should do a documentary on the lakes and rivers in England. Russell could captain a ship and sail it around the country giving cuddles to everyone! hee hee
Russell
A quick comment from the Isle of Man where you so splendidly peaoocked earleir tonight ( tight pants so that your nuts were on whow to all and sundry). What a show. You were brilliant, I have digged up your show for ages and your show and live visit and performance was ace. I am most grateful. Long live the Isle of Man (Mr G was a big hit)
The revolutionm can only be happening in a matter of time.
Keep up the good work.
TheIsle of Man loves you both (however Mr Mat M when asked where he was was in in Cardiff - such a loss)
Enjoy
Andr H
Gee
Russ has made it onto page three of the Ham and High again! I think it's a bit off that they've printed the name of his street.
All my love
Carol
XXX
perhaps you guys could do a documentry on past revolutions/uprising from across the world as research for your own inevitable rise to power. it could give you guys help by seeing how they failed/succeeded and this will allow you to better plan your own revolution.
wuv u xxx
MR BRAND.. COCKY LOCKY.. MATTUS MORGANUS.. [MR NIBBS]? AND BIG SEXY MR GEEEEEEEEEE
I LVOE YOU AND ALL THAT YOU CREATE..
YOU ACTUALLY MADE ME WET MYSELF ONCE WITH LAUGHTER.. LOVAGE TO YOU GUYS
BIG FAT LOVAGE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Here in the USA, there's already a great show on The History Channel about tunnels, like exactly the kind of show Matt described and wants to create. He should come over here and host it!
peace,
Leslie
I think that Matt should visit the Williamson tunnels, as their peculiar history may appeal to him and would allow Russell to inject some razzamatazz into the proceedings.
The Williamson Tunnels are a labyrinth of tunnels and underground caverns under the Edge Hill district of Liverpool. They were built in the 1800s as indeed ‘Tunnels of Love’.
They were in fact used to house sexily attired flamingos that were then visited by young men with unusual proclivities. The flamingo was a rare site in Liverpool in the 1800s above or below ground and the affluent decadent types who visited the tunnels did their best to keep the labyrinth’s secret. When some of the tunnels were excavated years later, however, the telltale scratch marks of bills and scaly toes and a few withered feathers caused questions to be asked.
Today it is thought that some of the flamingos housed at Chester Zoo are in fact descendents of the Williamson ‘pinks’. They quite clearly stand on one leg and look coyly from behind their wings at male visitors to their enclosure and as dusk falls they can still be seen to dance.
xx
[Disclaimer: It is possible that not all facts in this comment are entirely accurate or sensible due to a 'sugar high' in work]
Tunnels of love!
What a great idea.
I would like a new themed tunnel of love for me to enjoy with an imaginary lover.
You would get in your boat, that would be sumptuously comfortable,
with cushions and the little tide would take you off into the dawning of a new day.
You would meander through various romantic scenes and see panoramic views.
You would pass waxwork people moving and extolling the virtues of love through their poetry and language.
There would be a really dark bit with a twinkly starry sky.
You would find your self huddling together in this bit.
Then you would be taken through a part where flower petals fluttered onto your head and a breeze blew them away.
Shiny streamers would drape over you in many colours.
Each person in the boat would hand the other a small package with a scent that would tantalize and stimulate.
At last you would watch a sunset togethet wrapped in a cozy blanket.
Sometimes going into your own imaginary world is a good place to be when under the strain of life, there is no where else to turn. When the world as we know it seems to offer no hope.
We can ony glean comfort from our dreams of a better place.
Life experiences can sometimes inhibit our capacity to really connect.
We are judged by others in such an off hand, flippant way.
They judge us to their own standards.
Although they would never attempt to walk the road we walk.
People always hate shakers and movers, it makes them feel uncomfortable.
We can take a provisional part, in whether we will cooperate with others views.
Sometimes emanating from a rather dark place, be assured.
We can even be tempted to view ourselves in a very dispariaging light,
this too conveniently popping in to our heads, pretending to be a conviction we hold.
Penciling in, whether or not we will let it form who we are.
What I believe is that we can be bogged down by others insistance on forcing us into their pigeon holes.
It is imperative for the survival of hope, to rise above comdemnation.
All are good and bad but none have the answers.
However they may have tried to make a show of what they have achieved, to support their choice of what they will live by.
We must believe the unbelievable.
That means rising above, trying to fit in.
We must stop the primitave urge to compare ourselves to others in the hope that we will come off favorably.
Stepping out of the old garments of how we see ourselves.
Comitting ourselves to appreciate that we are, the way we are for a purpose, that is great.
It will employ the strengths and the out right bad we perceive within ourselves,
to accomplish our ends.
We are all magnificent humans beings.
With the power of life and death in our hands. We can live, if painfully at first in a zone of acceptance and tollerance of ourselves,
the life giving power to know, it will all work to the good.
The power of death to surcumb to the accusations we believe about ourselves. SELF assasination. Are we murdurers?
The better way is to fight with valour a battle that all our sences tell us we will lose.
The battle we must bravely fight to save our own souls.
We look to the future and put the past ways of thinking behind us.
The food offered by this world only satisfies as we are continualy offered more.
Then we dont need to realize we are really hungry to live.
To really live we have first see the boot which we have allowed to keep us down underfoot.
To painfully allow ourselves to stop being pacified by external forces.
We need to wake up.
Really open our eyes away from what the world would show us as real.
Take time out , time out .
Get distance . What is really keeping us down?
Are we really so weak to not see what is oppressing us is mainly made up of our own fear.
It has no real power over us at all, it uses us to inflict ourselves.
The proverbial wizzard of Ozz.
Up the yellow brick road we must trot, to find what is really behind the curtain.
Controllng all the levers.
We will stand up to it.
It will not master us.
The institutons of the world would have us believe that we must fit into their mandates.
We yearn for truth and sincerity.
Many find that they are square pegs in round holes. The round pegs in round holes seem to look on in a self satisfied fashion.
They are the ones to frightened to move from their comfort zones.
They won't confront who they really are.
Difined by the outside world that would like to pat them on the back and say,"well done, you are a true son of the kingdom of western civalization."
A civalization that has hidden its wounds of denial under the skirts of respectability.
We have become de sensatised to seeing those wounds.
Systematically covering the face of prosperity.
We are trained to make sure we frown on those who dont fit the mandate of what is expected.
A conspirital contempt.
The innocent blood of the naive , who believed what they were told.
Unable to fight their giants.
The mightly cogs of unreal expectation are indeed a formidable force.
Always hungry to devour.
A bottomless pit, baying for a blood sacrifice offering of a world that must cover its blemished.
It is our duty to re condition ourselves according to a mandate that works.
The hope deferred will begin to heal society, when we place ourselves correctly within it.
Having self knowledge of the good and bad, self acceptance.
Not allowing the world to dictate our place. Our standing or our attitudes.
The veil of smoke will have to lift as more and more realise that all is not as it seems.
Breaking the spell of pungent complacency.
Trusting in a better day and the road travelled to reach it.
Defined by what it means to be human.
Satisfied by simply being human and that implying something awsome.
We no longer conform to the triviality, so forcefully thrown upon us to hide our eyes.
We are not a part of the short term distraction from truth.
The serious sinister, face of the scism in society would be revealed and we shall all run from it.
Say not as you see, say as you believe.
Poem:
I am intrinsicly leaning towards evil,but
There is one who can cleanse me.
I could run away and try to find my own good,
Or I could let goodness swallow me in its love.
But the thought that someone good,
Would come and dwell in our soul.
Someone with connectons
To the whole.
Allowing clarity to filter in
Like a saline drip
To the haemoraging
Replenishing the soul
From within
The facts of my life speak
Against me.
But the life needs no words
To speak away the facts.
The timeless journey
Of a soul
Held in the hands
Of love.
Is attacked by muddy waters,
So far from above.
Damned if you do
Damned if you dont.
A far cry from
A player that wont.
Where is the place
Of the peaceful dimention
It is there all the while
Held in suspention.
Its so hard to identify
And focus on the source of light,
But we must know
It will permiate
Our organic impuslses
Through its will
All fear and dread
Is compelled to take flight
Giving the clarity to try
To make
Choices that are right.
If we make mistakes
And get it wrong,
Theres no condemnation,
For over our heads
Someone
Sings a song.
We are safe to fall
Safe to deflate and give up
The control and workings
of it all.
The turning cogs of our life
Are mere details,
They slip out of place
They have corroded away.
This is one for the single mums.
Many of whom are Russell Brand fans.
Russel seems not to discriminate.
So children feel warm towards him and want to befriend him.
Whether from two parent families or one .
I am hazarding a guess that Russell wouldnt mind if people are married or not when rearing their children. Knowing that the ideal is only a blue print and there are sometimes problems. He would accept people as they are. We come in all shapes and sizes. What is considered normal is probably just as common as what is not.
Most people with half a brain wouldnt judge.
They may chose to engage some insiight and suggest to themselves, that if its a lone parent there, then they have a story.
Personal to the people envolved, but never usually a happy one.
Envolving sacrifice and heartbreak.
Not, a story that would disenfranchise them from what is regarded as commonly decent.
It turns out there is a running trend to slate the single parent families.
Giving them the same tarred, brushing as common criminals.
As if they arn,t rushed off their feet enough to notice, it is now common to regard them as responsible for social ills.
The breakdown in society is apparently falling in their lap, conveniently.
Parhaps its a case of, if you, re kicked, then you kick the dog.
Just go down to the lowest and kick.
Last week, there was a debate about the gun crime, resulting in the shooting of 11 year old Reese,in Liverpool.
Commenters were asking why society is crumbling.
One woman in all authority sparked up, in a most conclusive way, that it is the fault of,single parents.
She said that single parents were bringing in man after man into the family home and driving out the kids onto the streets.
Subsequently in her argument, she said that these kids were resorting to gun crime as a result of there being no role model, male figure in the home.
The lacking in continuity from an absent dad was causing terrible psycological problems.
I was horrified.
In my experience single mothers have been most attentive, if a little sad, but all the same diligently trying to provide maximum stability for their children.
Because there is only the Mum and kids, the bond is much stronger and attatchment increased.
Theres not as much tention at home, so they are more likely to stay at home, they can get their own way more often.
Due to the over protection from the Mum, the children are more cautious and less likely to be freely roming.
In the days of yourn, Men would stay together as a family through thick and thin.
Now if it gets too hot they get out of the kitchen.
Or in some cases, they dont fancy their partner, when she becomes in the family way, so they find another girlfriend with no strings attatched. Sad but true.
Every time in all cases, the woman is the target of critisim.
She is left holding the baby, out of choice, and is deemed by all and sunder,irresponsible.
Women are able to make executive decisions to go it alone if the prospective or present fathers are violent, drinkers or drug addicted.
It is a heart rendering choice for the welfare and happiness of the baby, or children.
The woman will put her childrens futures before her own. Making herself social garbage. Disused and back on the shelf, but with little hope of envolvment because of the risks to the kids.
Many people firmly following the course of tradition, are very threatened.
That women are seemingly surviving without men. It is completely understandable to feel that way, but nontheless a miss apprehension.
A brave face is worn, but a woman fighting to keep her chin up is undreneath. She only gets on with it because she has to.
Every girl dreams of the wedding, steady family and happy future. Sadly it is frequently merely, just that for her, a dream.
In the case of the hoodies, gun wielding criminals, it would be interesting to ask what family environment they come from.
I tend to see, young children bullies or aggressing deviants as the victims of the same. They become and behave in a way that they have seen. Monkey see, monkey do.
They ARE modelling themselves on a male.
Only the present male at home is a destructive force in the family.
Humans regress to the point of wanting no social interaction at all in adulthood.
The pressure of work and life pushes them to hating themselves. As a result they cannot be nurturing to their own family.
The failures of the education system. With no qualifications or social graces passed down from other generations. They find themselves in retched pridicaments, where the only escape is out.
When looking for causes to social breakdown, its foolish to play the blame game.
An idea would be to start the taking, responsibility game.
Our snobbery could be a place we could start.
We could use our supposed superior inteligence to mentor others less fortunate.
Schools teach an awful lot ,but nothing about brotherly kindnesss.
I know it sounds trite, but the old christian values held up in schools would be well revisited. As secular educational establishments schools breed one upmanship.
There is no sence of comunity in urbn areas, so all hell is let loose. Urban gorillas are made.
There is very little to do for young people with no money or intrest in the things that give social advantage to the higher classes.
In this day an age when life has moved on so much. There needs to be a reflection of progress within schools. There is no trust, or respect.
It hasnt changed that much. In the respect of one size fits all.
To lump large quantities of kids together for 6 hours a day is nasty.
In very few cases is this replicated in the real world. 30 people stuck together, expected to function as a whole.
In the early years the only things aquired are survival skills.
How to look as if you are interested.
We completely separate our recreational lives from children.
Sorry this rant is tarnished with bitterness.
We will find the way forward, together,we will give young people something good to believe in. We wil find what that something is and pass it on. Its not too, late. Never is as long as we live and breathe together on this planet, we can share secrets of happiness.
We owe it.
The most jaded and bitter are the government and media. So we,ll start with them. Infuse some goodness in. Celebrate things when they are good, not when they are manufactured.
Government will realize that there for the grace of God stand they!
This is an angry sad mews about a relation to whom I wish to have no attatchment.
Not the authentic item.
I once knew the real thing.
So I can recognise a fake when I see one.
My real father sends me lovely solid, love, but I lost him when I was 16.
I did'nt cry for him for years.
I was busy enjoying life, it was great..
Bear with me as I battle to understand the enigmas and bones as they reveal themselves from the cupboard.
At hand is a battle, I must fight to prevent a shadow from looming over me. From a past that was never realized by an adopted child.
Father
What?
You give me money
Not!
To take my honey
Play!
A tune for me to dance
Stink!
I'll be rid of you at last
Scared
To know you can be in my
Head.
Forge
Yourself a
Daughter
She was lost in
Water
Forever
You can no longer taunt her
Love
You have no idea
Corrupt
As she trusts you mock and
Jeer
Send her back to never
Hear
Your sleezy sounds of
Fear
Man, you won't be Father
Dear
Sold
your soul forever
Near
The dulcet tones that lean and
Leer
Stay away, she will never shed another
Tear
Nor wil Father be a name you , she will
Call
For in your web she will never
Fall
For your affections, she will never
Trawl
You make her skin
Crawl
To lose attendance, give up
All
If I had need of a
Hat
It would need to be hot or
Rain
If I need a
Rat
My identity would be
Slain
For her thoughts have lost their
Train
Forever you will never pin her down
Again
Paternal rights you have
Not
You want from me
What?
Our bond is born from
Ink
In her heart you cannot
Stay
Her dreams of hope and love are
Impaired
Sunk to the bottom of the sea like
Lead
For your rights, you fought her
Now its time to
Stop.
To Russel brand, Mr. Gee, and that other looser.
im a fan :)
and a couple of "podcassssssettes" ago, you said you wanted a new style or something like that.
how about the glasses look.
also, to amuse me. could you do an impression of doctor who for me :)
oh and then become the next doctor who becuase that would tickle my funny bone.
but not too much.
cas i llisten to this at night time.
helps me get to sleep.
"NO OFFENCE"
and i dont want to wake the whole house up.
thank you.
loveyouloveyoubyebyebyebyeloveyoubyebyebye.
x