Conker Stompers
Conker season is upon us and the streets will soon be littered with their various shapes and sizes all awaiting their day of reckoning. Considering that the ultimate aspiration for all chestnuts is to essentially become a tree, it must be quite a step down to be picked up by a grubby schoolkid, have a piece of string placed through you and then end up splattered on a playground floor. Inadvertantly, it seems that the humble game of conkers also appears to double up as an effective form of tree contraception!
Do kids actually play conkers anymore? I'd always thought that this noble childhood game had pretty much gone the same way as Top Trumps and Penny Football. I was never much of a big conker-enthusiast in school but a lot of my friends were. I used to marvel at them as they would spend hours rummaging around different trees in the park, focused on a quest to find the ultimate conker. It apparently had to be the right size, the right weight and the right age (you can tell that we hadn't discovered girls yet!). Kids who had no interest in biology or chemistry whatsoever, would then consult various scientific books in the library in order to seek the highly coveted knowledge that would assist them in increasing their conker's lifespan.
Some would employ a variety of elaborate rituals to ensure them success. This consisted of soaking the conker in salt water, baking it in an oven, hanging it out to dry on a tombstone in a graveyard and one kid even went so far as to beheading his sister's Barbie doll on the night of a full moon as a sacrifice to the almighty Conker Gods! (oh yeah, conker competitions were quite a serious business in my day!).
I felt slightly let down when I found out that such esoteric preparation techniques are now prohibited in the World Conker Championships. I reckon that there must have been a big scandal many years ago, which resulted in the Conker Comission being forced to regulate the sport. They probably test today's participants for the use of anabolic steroids and search them in case they're smuggling in illegal conkers!
In the next show, Russell will be back from Booky Wooking in Tuscany and Matt will be off for two weeks (looking for conkers?). We'll also be checking out your radio jingles, so keep sending them in.
The Unique Verse at the end of the Restaurant
Waiter, Waiter!! I'm now ready to place my order,
I've been perusing your list of moorish delights, through which my eyes have been exploring,
According to the menu, the "Matteus Morgan" is of a good year,
And the windows in this venue are cleaned by orphan funds to remain clear,
The chef's recommendation is: Russell & Lily sprinkling a-la-carte,
And judging by the strumming, they'll be swinging to keep their conkers hard,
Such a heart meal can cause a clasp to break from belts,
And for desert we serve the finest yoghurts from boobs that greatly swell,
As well as after-dinner mints, we offer a selection of condoms and bibs,
To give your visits to the sex-acuzzi an unusually special lift,
As for a tip? well the service IS included like a "pertruding dreadlocker"
Maybe pregnant beatles should seek their weight advice from an insect McKenna body doctor!
The conkers are truly bonkers.
I trust, that from the accounts given by the army generals, Her Majesties government have heard and are certain the war in Iraq as we know in practice and theory it must be.
The Military don't try to understand or interfere with political matters, assuming that parliament are equipped.
Firstly to have the proper democratic process. Then the resources and ability to debate the outcomes. The history of an honorable institution.
Lastly the best elected members and to generally explore the ethics and direction it wants to take the war.
Politicians, are only too aware that they wont be able to suggest how the military should execute their power abroad.
Subsequently, each assumes it can leave the full responsibility of direction and decision making in the arena of the other.
What should we suppose must naturally be the consequence of our carrying on with the war in Iraq?
With a country, vast in its extent, not utterly barbarous, but civilized in a very small degree?
Does anyone suppose a war would help their civilization.
Is it not plain that she must suffer from it?
That civilization must be checked; that her barbarous manner must be made more barbarous; and the happiness of her millions of inhabitants must be prejudiced with her intercourse with Britain?
Does not everyone see that a war carried on in her provinces must cary violence and desolation to her very centre?
That in a country just emerging from barbarism,
if a war on insurgency, opposition and any peoples trying to defend their ethnicity is established,
if all who fight are converted into the enemy and become commodities that can justify the occupation, if used as leverage, it follows they must be subject to carnage.
This too at a period of civilization, when there is no Internationally protecting Legislature to defend their country, in the same manner as the rights of a country are maintained by the Legislature of every civilize Western Country.
We see then, in the nature of things, how easily the Iraq situation is to be accounted for.
Her leaders were never compelled to war, that we can hear of, by public principles, by international glory, still less by the love of their people.
In Europe and America it is the extention of commerce, the maintenance of national honour,or some great public object, that is ever the motive to war with the Arab world; built in Iraq and the Middle East, it is the personal averice, dictatorship, of the leaders; these two vices....we stimulate in all these Middle Eastern leaders and we depend on these vises for the very maintenance of the conflict.
The voting public in Great Britain and America, made clear brave stands.
They have expressed continual, massive anti war sentiment.
This warrants the protection of ministers, officials and Royalty, to bring a cohesive end to the conflict, withdraw the troops, closely monitoring the ensueing difficulties.
Employing a diplomatic effort to refashion the infrastructure of post war Iraq.
Restoring its place in the Middle East.
There needs to be avoidance at all cost of taking backward steps into Iraq, perpetuating the exsasebated problems there.
Those in favour of the war in Iraq would try to jeapordise its end, those who would want the war in order to serve personal, political and monitry gain.
WE all need to close ranks and continue to marshal the opposition, in the hope of focing the hand of the USA.
The British Goverment should press for an International option to end the war in Iraq.
If the British Government object to and obstruct the end of the war, through repression, the violence will increase in scale.
As Iraq is released from the grip of Britain and America it may still increase its resistance, but it still must follow that we leave.
However, we must go on and persevere in petitions, public outcry, marches, to show the voice of England, and to strengthen ministers thereby.
THis war holds a taboo in its British political status. There is a mandate at work, forcing MPs to steer clear of its dabate, there is a false expectation appearing real, that if it were discussed, it would unsettle the delicate social balance in the country.
In a country that prides itself on the values of freedom and democrosy, it is important that we do not practice another value system, that holds an unjust agenda,we should not use our liberty and wealth, to put our foot upon the neck of the nations, less established and so vulnerable in economic power.
We fully recognise, they are a valuable comodity, so we subgigate them, as opportunists, fully knowing they are not in a position to stop us.
It is our own concience that must come to the fore, and exersise self control, asserting for the best interests, retrospectively.
Accessing and securing, trading and consuming Iraqi oil has brought a tremendous sense of well being to the West, harvesting enormous benefits to us, through its use.
The immediate mood of the war now is one of wait and see, it may play itself out.
Noone really knows what will happen, when, the occupation ends.
Ubiquitously, the West have turned a blind eye to the war, as the unquenchable thirst for oil is so paramunt.
It provides the backbone to the economy in so many intrinsic ways. The root of this consumption is unjust and wrong, so it nsaturally will have to stop.
The West has become so debaced in its earthly kingdom, its lifestyle reflecting no conformity to ideas that can be trusted.
The West will have to grow up from a tantruming toddler, who cannot control its behaviour, to a well weaned quietened child, who can display maturity through taking a step back, to allow for the concept and realization that it is not he most important thing in the centre of its own universe.
Realizing that instead of everything being at its disposal and an extention of itself, for its own use,
that in fact, it is just a part of a very big picture.
When it takes too much.......
Others suffer and have less.
When it screams and kicks its feet, life must still go on, and all around are just left with a sense of disgust.
It doesn't endear itself, or seem to have harnessed any virtues.
Profiteering from the rest of the worlds resourses and destroying it in its wake.
The West must learn, that to have a place in a positively evolving world, it must learn to be proactive,in a helpful way.
It needs to develop some nurturing skills and caring traits.
It needs to humble itself, in return for the privilaged seat it holds.
Otherwise, in the natural order of things, it will become a very destructive, self hating, antisocial teenager.
That is itself incapable of experiencing any real sense of accomplishment.
It is in contempt and is the contempt of all who see.
Iraq will probably not be able to obtain redress.
Even though it has been so notoriously wronged.
There is no outcry, reserved for the deaths of so many Iraqi civilians, slaughtered for a system that has for so long been utterly indefensible.
How can this war justify itself, when it seems able to maintain itself only by more violence.
What benefits can possibly be gained from such legalized and government sanctioned horror.
The invading countries now want to dress the wounds, they so fatally inflicted, changing to the
guise of the "benefactor", in the persuit of gaining public credebility.
I have just about finished reading a book, called, "A short history of slavery."
It was so interesting to see the effort made by the abolishionists.
They were tireless!
They rallied around the country, making speeches to crowded audiences.
They captured the hearts of the Britishh public.
Even though there was very little evidence of slavery in Britain, the stories eminating back from America and the Careabbean caused uproar and indignation.
It was clear that, there was a principle of concience at stake.
Those fighting on behalf of abolishion, went to such great lengths, making sure that pamphlets proliferated, every nook and cranny of public and privat life in Britain.
With a resounding cry, the dehumanisation of Black Africans was reversed.
Causing a dillema about the morals of using them as property.
The speech given by William Wilberforce in the seventeenth century, was one at the tail end of an annual speech to parliament.
Previously for years the idea of changing the slave trade was thrown out of the houses, due to the great profit to this country and America.
Despite a preoccupying war with France, the subject of slave freedom was continually brought to the fore.
The first half of the above blog, was inspired by the speech given by William Wilberforce.
The words used are exactly the same, but instead of "slavery or the slave trade", the words have been replaced to, "the conflict in Iraq."
It may seem bonkers, but it fits in a profound way.
The facts, can't be changed, that the war was corrupt in its inception.
It was founded in half truths. There was oil at stake.
The comparison, is there, just as an interesting folly.
Perhaps also as a warning.
Especially in view of a report this day, in the daily telegraph.
George Bush was reported to have made a statement yesterday, that World War three will be on its way.
The war he was refering to was a prospective attack on Iran.
The country so rich in oil.
It was refreshing to see, the Iraniian university students coming out and trying to protest against their leadership the other week.
When we find ourselves provoked by leaders of countries, it is important that we take the time to see the broader picture.
Parhaps they don't always reflect the views or intentions of the people in the country over which they preside.
The people of Iran are a wonderful lot!
Genuinly, many people have Iranian friends, they value and love.
We can't let this happen.
Its also up to ther Iranian people to make their intentions clear.
The Iranians cant be blamed, if they want to try to defend their country, after all they are only too aware that they are next on the list in Bushes agenda.
All of the Middle East are able to be part of the global community on line.
We can all be one happy family, and change the world in peacable intelligent ways.
The internet is now a very powerful medium.
In the same way in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, people were all able to be part of a glorious dream, and did what they could in their day, to make their own, centuries enlightened times.
Wouldn't it be nice, if we could change the world over the internet!
We could make protests work more effectively.
Our brothers and sisters from all over the world, can entertain their ideas, directly to the countries who can help them.
We in the West are so bored, and in need of something to do. We want to get in touch with ourselves.
We dont have to forreage for food.
Our work can invariably be toil for hours infront of a PC.
But in our minds and spirits we are still instinctive beings.
We have an urge to make a difference. Through the power of goodness we can unite.
We can faithfully offer solidarity to our global neighbours, reaching to all corners of the globe.
Campaigning from the centre of our beings, making supernatural, magic, happen from our sitting rooms!
In the twentieth century, it is an autrosity that, there are so many smoke screens fooling us.
Foiling any efforts to gain clear understanding.
We have a duty to asertain what and how we feel.
We were given a mind to think, yes we do generally go for the soft option, that is complacent and selfish. But it would only take a very small change from each of us to change the world.
The beginning could be to take the leap and couragously set to change and reajust our perspective.
A perspective, that would include the rest of the world, and not just the immediate surroundings in our life.
We will be the twentieth centuries new explorers and frontier breakers.
God bless,
I love you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
xxxxxxxxxxx
Will he or wont he? That is th question.
成人论坛 have not been taking bloggs, a technical hitch or the malicious comments about Boris Jonson, went, TOO FAR>
Theres no need for it. He is a sigularly adourable fellow with a sweet endearing shock of white hair and HE WIDES A BOIK!!!!
AAAAAAH, here we are again.
PONDERLAND PONDERLAND PONDERLAND!
Rusky every night!
What have we done to deserve this?
LUVERLEY!
What have you been up to, nuffin?
Same as me?
Good.
No, I know you,re busy.
After next week, in theory, Ill be able to get up earlier, coz I wont have to wait up for Russ.
But sadly, knowing me, I,ll continue to stay up and watch late night rubbish. I can't help meself.
It gives me a bit of time out and "me" time.
Watched, "Being John Malcovich", the other night.
I never really got it, but I enjoyed it the other night.
Couldnt watch it all, coz I went to sleep, but what I did, was really good.
I was salivating over Ald John Cusac and amazed at the versatility of old Cameron Diaz.
Will Mat be back on Saturday?
I missed him. He is the Daddy!
No question.
Life can be such a bore sometimes.
Every day I get a bath, dressed and put me boat race on.
But each day, feel all dressed up with nowhere to go!
Today I got the hump a bit, coz when I was ready to go out, littlun just started watching top gear on the new,"home of whitty banter" channel Dave.
So I just did the ironin and talked myself down from a mood.
Every moment is too precious to waste on "a mood". I was a tiny bit grumpy though.
I love each day in the way that it is full of goodness, enough to eat, comfortable surroundings, a few quid in me pocket, roof over me head and a lovely son.
No ones buggin me.
Nuffin much eva happens.
But sometimes I feel SO lonely.
The song playin now is sayin, " we're like two fish, swimmin in a bowl" How I feel!
I'm too old to get a nice young boyfriend.
I cant anyway, coz it would be floozyish.
No one would even have me.
Coz I'm a christian, I cant really go out with someone, coz they wouldnt understand, me religious feelings.
I cant go out wiv a christian coz I,m too "out there, bin there and done that" which is not how your meant to be if your a churchy tipe.
Oh! At last they have played the track in here, I,ve bin asking for it for ages, describing it as a woman wailing, to be responded with a quizzical expression. There is one like that honestly.
"The great gig in the sky, Pink floyd."
Where was I.
I just went to the loo, looked in the mirror, to see that my chest is all red.
The emotion of sharing with someone how I feel is a physical thing!
So there we are!
Yes basically I,m lonely.
Radio 2 is quite a lifeline.
We stick it on when we get up. It sure is good company, keeps the draught from the door.
Specially Saturdays when I can be sure to fall about, laughing.
[dont talk about animals having sex]
Peace, peace, the hole to be filled, that is all we ask.
There aint nothin wrong with feelin the void.
Its part of life.
I can live with it.
If I was really busy and fulfilled, I wouldnt be able to feel the void.
Sometimes there is something satisfying and real about living in the reality of the void.
I cant be the only displaced person.
I,m going to go to a supermarket soon and pick up some milk and bits, the second installment of my exciting day.
Yes the limmo will be picking me up and taking me to the awards ceremony, then onto eclaimed restaurant Escargo.
As if.
I had a good clear out yesterday, put a loada stuff outside my house. It looked like a car boot.
Chairs, tins of paint, boots, mirrors ect.
It all went.
My son said I coulda sold it for fifty pee at a car boot.
I told him, I wasnt prepared to put my life on hold for fifty pee.