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You Gotta Roll With It
You know, sometimes I actually feel a litlle bit sorry for Noel Gallagher. I mean here's a guy who's penned some classic anthems in his time, toured around the world, been many places and ruffled many faces. Yet amidst all this, he still comes down on to our little show and partake in his regular chats with Russell. These, like most exchanges, generally descend into the trading of insults but it's all in the name of fun. This time however, he brought his missus Sarah to see the show in action and watch the madness unfold.
Now there's an unwritten code amongst men that when one of your friends is with his girl, you usually lighten up on the jokes (just a touch). Unfortunately, Russell decided to write this unwritten rule on the back of his black toilet paper using a black biro in the dark. Hence the Noel-baiting banter flew as thick and as fast as ever... ah yeah... business as usual.
Happy Birthday and thanks to Gareth for maintaining the rhyme with a "g".
The Colour of Money
Starting instead with a signal that's red,
Changing from amber to green,
Let's examine the scene:
The T-shirt is free,
The dishwasher's salty,
Taking a "slash" in the back,
Wandering what a Top Hat will reveal,
The Horne has lost all his zeal,
Drawing upon a currency,
That fuels the fire of desire for Noel's bookclub appeal,
This Kalidescope sees Sarah bringing toilet-Elvis back from the dead,
As he changes from red to amber to green,
Green to amber to red.
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The Battle of the R2 Lagoon
Deep within a secluded lagoon of pre-recorded time, there awaited an intrepid vessel preparing to be launched into the continuum. 1st mate Matt had diligently applied his "mane and tail" shampoo and was ever ready for any foreseeable event. Captain Brand had meanwhile opted for the full body defence option to protect him on this mission. He sported the much coveted "Boyce Behaviour Armour" (circa 1984), which was considered to be most formidable.
The ship set sail through the magical "Rainbow of Georges" (where the legendary Boris Dancers dwell) and made its way up the "Westwood River". But before it could reach "Hatton island" a mighty crash occurred and a huge fog descended. Amidst the mahyem could be heard the oh-so-familiar cackle of the pirate Captain Ross and his first mate Pudsey (boooooo). "Where's Bwand?" he shouted.
A gruelling battle ensued as the mighty titans clashed. There were black toilet rolls and Ferrari keys flying all over the shop. Pudsey was the victim of an extreme cuddle and left weeping in the corner (to be later consoled by Matt) and the poet Gee was thrown overboard to drown in an unforgiving sea of metaphors and similies.
Finally, the mist cleared and all that was left was a solitary Rainbow George who prayed for all our souls. Amen.
This week: I celebrated my birthday by going to see my favourite MC Ice Cube do his first UK show in a decade..... Awesome!
The Grand Pianist
Like the echoes of a piano's final notes of symphony,
Attracting those who're in the throes of a black bog roll epiphany,
So cry Matt a river,
He'll get aroused just like Trigger,
Will Sweep awake from his sleep,
When a Rainbow George speech is delivered,
Our Souls face an alien attack,
Tinkling the ivories with Boyce,
As Ross sees sharp to be flat,
And love is in the air as Westwood reacts,
If a kiss is just a kiss,
Just ask Ricky and Frank!
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Nice to be nice... if anything
Captain's log: star date 2008.
It's been another traumatic day for the good citizens of Brand Enterprises as we are all adjusting to this newly imposed regime of niceness. Since his return, Russell has been extraordinarily nice to each and every member of the crew. No tantrums, no bickering, no sackings, no screaming.
There's been some gruelling team-building exercises: line dancing, mandatory smiling and heel clicking seminars have been provided for and now we all have to sing Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" at the end of each day.
Jokes aside, it was good to celebrate Babs's (Russell's mum) birthday, see Noel showing love to Jay-Z and have Miss Sierra Leone come in to raise awareness for the Great Ormond St Hospital charity.
Anyway I must dash. I've got a "tree hugging" tutorial to attend to!
Shining Bright
As light prevails amongst the shadows,
Shadows will still evade the light,
Sound is crafted through the silence,
Forming laughs for your delights,
Morgan's son,Purple pill popping until the morning comes,
A finger of "fun" is just enough,
Until the Team-building drawings done,
Exploring plums,Noel and Lionel are cavorting chums,
Remembering Henry as "The Fonz"
With his flaunted thumbs,
A tale of two Stephens,
One acting, one seeking,
The roots of the truth behind actual events of freedom,
Still dreaming,Mamusu gives us something to believe in,
So let me just say "Happy Birthday" to Babs,
To see her lil' face beaming!
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Video thrilled the radio star
It all seemed a bit crowded in the studio on Saturday. Russell was back on these shores and has apparently picked up a 24hr camera crew to follow his every move. By the time that I had arrived at the radio studio, it seemed as if I'd walked onto a film set.
There were people scurrying around positioning cameras, running cables and looking for extra plug sockets. Nik (the manager) was pacing up and down texting frantically on his phone, meanwhile Russell was trying to adjust the available lighting so that it was all pointing towards him.
Everyone was moving around so quickly, I felt like I was stuck in slow motion mode and couldn't fast-forward to catch up. Finally Matt meandered, looked at all of the ensuing chaos and just rolled his eyes. Directions were being shouted, fluffers were on standby... and (for me, at least) the age of the viddycast began.
Sing-a-song of ninepence
Lost in the mist,Following the gist,
Back in the UK to hear the wails of a liquorice stick,
An extra-terrestrial,Has James Cordon headlining this festival,
As Matt Berry tingles our jingles, like a Judge-box receptacle,
Directions to Noel, humbugs remain unswallowed,Cecil B. de Brand presents: "Lawnmower Boy... The Star of Tomorrow!"
New paths are followed, so we'll be soul digging heartily,
Quoted with sorrow and journalistically shafted by sharpie!
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