Secretary of State Scrooge
Given that the NIO generally hold their Christmas drinks in January the new Special Adviser might not be too late to avail of some much needed hospitality. The latest statistics for the cost of NIO Christmas receptions, released in a Westminster written answer, have already caused some controversy, given they show a 9000% rise.
The trend seems to show that Peter Hain did Christmas full on, whereas the pious Paul Murphy was a bit more Scrooge like when it came to celebrating the festive period.
Back in Christmas 2002, Paul Murphy's first in the job, the NIO spent only 拢426 on a Christmas reception and nothing at all on decorations. Presumably the Secretary of State rummaged around in the loft, just like the rest of us, and decided that last year's baubles would dust off just fine.
By Christmas 2006, Peter Hain's reception bill had risen to a whopping 拢37,578 and the decorations cost 拢2,573. He saved a bit on cards though, spending only 拢2,630 which was down on his first Christmas in the job and down on Paul Murphy's card bill.
We shall have to wait until Philip Hammond MP asks another question next year to find out how Santa Woodward's Christmas habits compare with his predecessors.
I'm 
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Mark
CHRISTMAS 鈥 A GOOD TIME TO BURY BAD NEWS
Mark, are you blogging over Christmas? I ask because, with the Assembly in recess, the Sinn Fein/DUP Fascist Coalition will use the torpidity induced by the festive season to bury news that may be controversial or just plain embarrassing. I thing there will be some good stories on the go. Here鈥檚 my serious look at what may happen in the coming days.
First, the DSD announces that the Ballee development site has been sold to the consortium of which Seymour Sweeney is a leading member. I鈥檓 not saying the sale price was knockdown but the same evening Seymour hosts a celebratory dinner party at Ballyallaght Farm Cottages to mark the completion of the deal. For whatever reason, the dinner menu includes Lobster Thermidor (Paisley Junior鈥檚 favourite?).
Two, the Committee for Standards and Privileges announces that, after careful consideration, no action is to be taken against Paisley Junior following complaints about his involvement in the sale of the publicly-owned prime development site at Ballee. Following the Committee鈥檚 ruling, Paisley Junior, speaking to a 成人论坛 political journalist from the site of the burnt-out Visitors鈥 Centre at the Causeway, makes an impassioned plea for the public not to misinterpret his motives in being associated with land developers. The interview is interrupted by Seymour Sweeney who orders the bemused journalist and her camera team to get off his land.
Three, the name of the Victims鈥 Commissioner is announced, probably on Christmas Day when all respectable journalists (save for Martina Purdy) are in their cups. I won鈥檛 disclose who has been the successful candidate but let me say he鈥檚 a former high-profile presenter on a local commercial TV Station.
Four, the New Year鈥檚 Honours List brings joy to the Robinson household when Peter becomes a Knight of the Realm. At long last, official recognition for the de facto leader of the DUP who is being rewarded for co-ordinating his Party鈥檚 abandonment of long-held principles in order to get his snout in the trough. Arise Sir Peter 鈥淕reedy Garden Seller鈥 Robinson and not forgetting Lady Robinson who glows with pride - doesn鈥檛 it just bring tears to your eyes?
Five, following the positive public reaction to the proposed appointment of a Commissioner for the Elderly, the FM/DFM announce their intention to appoint Commissioners in other fields, as follows (in no particular order):
路 a Commissioner for 25 to 65 year-olds;
路 a Commissioner for one-legged, Catholic Lesbians with dark skin;
路 a Commissioner for metrosexual TV Presenters;
路 a Commissioner for home loft insulation;
路 a Commissioner for cavity wall insulation;
路 a Commissioner for DVLNI computer discs;
路 a Commissioner for Wheel Clampers;
路 a Commissioner for Tibetan tourists;
路 a Commissioner (part-time) for honest Estate Agents;
路 a Commissioner for Commissioners.
Six, the PSNI confirm rumours that traces of cocaine have been found in the Assembly toilets used by Ministers and MLAs. The Police say they intend to question all MLAs except David McNarry who only uses the toilets for smoking on the sly. While early arrests are not expected, Sir Que Horde (per Alex Maskey) says his force intends to flush out the culprits. Foregoing her Christmas Turkey Dinner, the intrepid Martina 鈥楽coop鈥 Purdy doorsteps the First Minister in the middle of his festivities. Wearing a funny hat and looking rather flushed, Dr Paisley expresses outrage that the sanctity of the Chamber has been tarnished by Members snorting Class One, Grade A cocaine in the Assembly toilets. He has consulted with the DFM and both of them are sure that no Members from the DUP and Sinn Fein are involved. Pressed by Martina, Dr Paisley says he is not confident that the same can be said about the minor Parties. As a parting shot, he says that cocaine snorting may be acceptable to members of the Oireachtas but not to God-fearing members of the DUP and Sinn Fein. At this point, Dr Paisley closes the door on Martina who hears him muttering in exasperation to Lady Paisley: 鈥淗as that woman no home to go to?鈥
Seven, Gerry Adams is awarded an Honorary Doctorate by the University of Ulster in recognition of his contribution to the study of economics. He was nominated for the award by Bertie Ahern who wanted to show his appreciation of Gerry鈥檚 contribution to Fianna F谩il鈥檚 victory in the General Election in the Republic earlier this year.
Eight, following calls from Green MLA Brian Wilson for a Breastfeeding Bill to bring NI into line with Scotland, the Executive announces the introduction of a Breastfeeding Bill that applies only to female MLAs. From 1 April, 2008 female MLAs who are nursing mothers will be permitted to breastfeed in the Chamber while the Assembly is in session. Expressing his frustration at the limited nature of the Bill, Brian Wilson is overheard calling Executive Ministers a bunch of 拢&拢$. A large number of male MLAs is considering following the tactic employed by David McNarry by doing the 鈥淗okey Cokey鈥 if any female MLA exercises her right to breastfeed in the Chamber.
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Nine, the PSNI and An Garda Siochana announce that they are looking for twelve recently retired IRA members in connection with the Murder of Paul Quinn but, unfortunately, the suspects are believed to have left the country. Their self-imposed exile puzzles the South Armagh Brigade of PIRA who had offered the suspects free use of a secure holiday cottage in central Donegal until the dust had settled. Meanwhile, rubbishing the idea of IRA involvement, Conor Murphy tells the 成人论坛 that having again consulted with the IRA he now believes that a Loyalist terror group based in Cullyhanna carried out the Murder. He also said that he believes in Santa Claus and from his demeanour he isn鈥檛 joking.
Finally, let me wish you, Martina and all contributors to the Devenport Diaries a Happy Christmas and Prosperous New Year. I can鈥檛 wait for the MLAs to return from the recess. In entertainment terms, Christmas television is no match for the Assembly in session.
Susie
Carryduff
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