Help me out - relationships
Find out more about building positive relationships.
What is a relationship?
Relationships are the connections we have with other people.
They can be with family members, friends, teachers or other people we know.
Some relationships are strong bonds which we keep for life, while others change over time or only last for a short while.
Relationships can be positive and healthy, or not so positive – and they’re also something we can work at and build over time.
Why do we need relationships?
For most people, having connections with other people is a big part of their lives and positive relationships are good for our well-being and mental health.
Nobody lives their whole life in a bubble so developing good relationships with the people around us is really important.
What is a positive relationship?
A positive relationship is when –
The other person has your best interests at heart and are not just looking out for themselves
A person shows that they care about you by treating you with respect
You’re free to say no to things you don’t want to do
You feel comfortable and happy around them
They accept the things you like or do – even if they’re not into the same things
They can be honest with you without putting you down or being mean
You feel safe and free to be yourself
Of course, it works both ways, so the other person should feel all those things too.
Generally a positive relationship is one which makes you feel happy and safe.
What is a negative relationship?
A negative relationship is one which hurts or upsets you, brings you down or makes you feel uncomfortable, afraid or unsafe (or makes the other person feel that way).
Some signs that you might be in a negative relationship are –
Spending time with that person makes you feel low or bad about yourself
You feel scared or anxious about speaking up or saying no when you don’t want to do something
You feel like to you have to change or pretend to be different to make them happy
The person does things to undermine you or make you feel stupid in front of other people
The person acts differently when there are other people around
You feel isolated, or like you can’t spend time with other people
You feel relieved if they’re not there
Again, it works both ways – so if you are making another person feel any of those things, you might be in a negative relationship.
If a relationship makes you feel scared or uncomfortable, or if a person puts pressure on you to do things you don’t want to do, it is really important that you tell a trusted adult straight away, and try to distance yourself from the other person.
A negative relationship can make you feel low and upset
When things are good and bad
No relationship is 100% perfect, and sometimes people argue or fall out – but in a good relationship you can work together to overcome challenges.
Sometimes a relationship can be positive some of the time, but then negative at other times.
It can be difficult to know when to work through difficult times, and when it’s better to take a step back.
If you are finding it tricky to tell whether a relationship is good for you, share your feelings with someone you trust, like a teacher or parent, who can see things from a different perspective.
Making sure a relationship is good for you
It can be really helpful to think about your own boundaries – the things you are or aren’t comfortable with, like how much information you like to share, or whether you like to hug your mates. Your boundaries are specific and personal to you.
That way, if somebody says or does something which crosses a boundary, you can recognise that you’re not comfortable and let them know.
Overall, spending time with another person should bring you both happiness, and you should both feel free to be yourselves.
For more information about organisations which offer advice and support, check out the Advice Helplines page.