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Help me out - siblings

Find out more about being a sibling or an only child.

What is a sibling?

A sibling is your brother or sister. They can be older or younger, half siblings or step-siblings. They might live with you, they might not. Some siblings are alike and some couldn’t be more different.

Living in the same (or a different) house and spending lots of (or little) time together can cause tensions and bickering. But how do you stop sibling tension?

Media caption,

Dr Aaron's tips for getting on with your siblings

Tips for getting on better with your siblings:

1. Recognise and embrace difference!

Sometimes different personalities can clash – of course you’re different people and have different opinions, but that doesn’t mean you have to clash. Instead try and respect each other’s opinions – take the time to listen and respond. Just because their opinion is different from yours it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s OK to agree to disagree on something, let it go and then walk away.

2. Don’t compare yourself

Struggling with jealousy is common between siblings but remember that each sibling will have different strengths. Sometimes it might feel like they get more attention or praise. It’s hard but that’s normal. Try not to compare yourself to others. If you spend too much time thinking about your siblings’ talents you can easily forget your own unique qualities. Think about the things that you are good at; writing a list might help.

3. See copying as a positive thing

Irritated because they’re a big copycat? It may feel frustrating but it’s also a huge compliment - they admire you! Spend time helping them find their own image – remember they already like your ideas so this might be easier than you think.

4. Put yourself in their shoes

Annoyed because they pick fights or don’t behave the way you’d like them to? It could be that there’s a problem at school or they’re worried about something and having a tough time. Put yourself in their shoes, talk to them or try to give them space if you know they are feeling grumpy or tired. By taking yourself out of the situation you will avoid things getting worse. If you’re worried about them it might be useful to ask for a parent’s or trusted adult’s help.

5. Stay calm

It’s important to stay calm; arguing will never make the situation better. Once the fighting is over take the time to listen and talk calmly so you can understand what’s happened, and don’t tease your sibling or hold a grudge. Showing kindness and understanding will make the situation better and help you patch things up. You might even become good friends. Have a simple conversation, it might be that your sibling is craving your attention or feeling lonely. You could offer to involve them in your plans or help them solve their problem.

If, despite your best efforts, you just can’t get on with your sibling and you feel the fighting is getting too much, talk to someone about the situation.

Only children

Being a sibling can be tough but not having a sibling can make you feel that you are missing out. Being an only child isn’t any better or worse than having siblings, it’s just different. There may be times when you think it would be great to have a sibling, but don’t forget those times when you have the opportunity to develop your own interests and skills without comparing them to a brother or sister. And the times you’re free to do what you like as there are fewer people to fit in with.

When it’s just you and your parents, there’s no-one else around to distract or interrupt you. So if times get tough, take advantage of the fact that you’re probably closer to them and they’ll have more time to listen and help.

For information about organisations which can offer more advice on a range of issues, check out the advice helplines page.Ìý

You can also get tips in the Lifebabble guide to family and find out how the Lifebabblers and celebs get on with their siblings.

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