³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

Are you good at telling jokes? Actually, it doesn't matter if you're not… but have a go with us anyway.

Following our recent Gagathon in Derby's Market Place with ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ East Midlands Today weatherman Des Coleman, you've been sending us your Red Nose jokes.

Here are some of them:

Your jokes

Q. What do you call a nose who can see into the future?
A. Nostril Damus
(Elliot and Alex)

What is a Pirate's favourite kind of music?
Arrrrrr 'n' B :)
(Joe Hurr)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know why don't you ask the chicken?
(Shannon Bartram)

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Well it didn't have any choice it was stuck to the chickens foot!
(Chris)

Q:why do potatoes make good detectives?
A:Because they keep their eyes peeled!
(Humaira)

A dentist moved to a new estate called Lawns Close where bungalows had names like Greenacres/Broadacres... so he called his Toothacres.
(Pat Partington)

What did the traffic light sayÌý to the car?
Don't look I'm changing.
(Chiara)

What does a mummy bee say to her children when they're naughty?
Beehive yourselves!
(Madison Donovan)

Whats a nose's favourite sweet?
A chew!
(William McMillan, 7)

Why did the banana go to the doctors?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
(Megan Unwin, 7)

Why didn't the bear go to the party?Ìý
Because she had nothing to wear.
(Jacqueline Carty)

What do you call a nose that tells a bad joke?ÌýÌý
Snot Funny
(Ria Karrara)

Whats the difference between sprouts and bogies?
Kids won't eat their sprouts!
(Ria Karrara)

What do you call 3 fizzy drinks?
A pop group!
(Charlotte)

Why is the football pitch always wet?
Because the footballers always dribble!!!
(Esther Johnson, 10)

What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssssssssssssssssssssstory!
(Hassan, 12)

Teacher to pupil: Do you like Kipling?
Pupil: Don't know miss, I've never kippled!
(Mary Forrester, Staffs)

A man walks in to a bar and says "Ouch!"
(Michael Forrester, 14)

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too little to smoke!
(Jade, Essex)

And here's some you made earlier!

Why do Scuba divers fall off the boat backwards? Because they'd still be on the boat if they fell forwards.

A man runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says everyone has one minute to get out. A tortoise at the back shouts 'that's not fair!'

I opened my action man at Christmas but the box was empty. My dad said it was an "Action Man Deserter".

I thought there was a Bee Gee in our fridge this morning. Turns out it was just the chives talking!

How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb? One, two. one, two, one, two.

A man walked into a bar, followed by a ostrich. The barman became inquisitive and asked 'why the ostrich? The man replied 'I did a good turn the other day and a fairy granted me a wish.' 'What did you wish for?' asked the barman.Ìý The man replied 'I wished for a foreign bird with long legs.'

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

The credit crunch is really taking hold! The local bakers will have to close and hundreds and thousands will be affected!

Two cows in a field. One says 'I'm Fresian'. The other one says 'I'm not very warm either.'

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?