成人论坛

Infidelity is the obvious and most common form of cheating and cause of relationship breakdown, but beyond this different people's opinions on what constitutes cheating can vastly vary.

There's the text messages littered with innuendo, the playful flirting, and over-familiar touching.

Are these actions all part of innocent human behaviour or should the partner be very worried?

Listen: What Counts As Cheating?

成人论坛 Leicester's Tony Wadsworth discussed all matters of infidelity with Ian McPherson, Brian Brown, Jane Tindle and Sal Khalifa.

"It's more of a problem if your partner is insecure. If they see anything like that as a problem then it will be a problem."

Tony asked Brian Brown, a psychologist from De Montfort University about this matter of insecurity, he said:

"I know couples who diligently go through each other's credit card statements and numbers on mobile phones... All sorts of things can generate insecurity."

He makes the point that in today's technological society communications are easy so there are more ways of increasing a partner's insecurity.

Brian says past surveys suggest that infidelity is "a popular participation sport" with a large number of people admitting to cheating on a partner.

He says part of the reason people are driven to cheat may be linked to our society's focus on monogamy which paradoxically makes the idea of an affair exciting, "guilt is powerfully erotic".

Cheating?

No Secrecy

Jane Tindle听 has been married for 20 years this year. She admits that she is a very tactile person who believes in hugging and kissing, but you can judge, she hopes, that such things are not meant as a come-on.

Cheating, for her is "not telling your partner something you are doing." Secrecy increases mistrust.

She says that she is in a very secure relationship and so does not feel the need to start going through text messages and so on.

"We both have friends of the opposite sex but we have met them, we know them and we don't feel threatened by those friendships."

To Jane exchanging numbers is fine but as long as it's for the right reason. It's all about the intentions behind it.

Personal Experience

Sal Khalifa is part of Leicester's gay community and works for a sexual health charity that often comes into contact with married men who are having homosexual affairs.

He says circumstances often make it very difficult for the men to come out as gay resulting in them leading a double life away from their wife and children.

Sal's own relationships have always been based on trust, however he has been in relationships in which his partner has been unfaithful and coped with it.

A large part of this he believes is down to growing up with parents who both had affairs, behaviour that almost grew to be acceptable to him.

He believes that what constitutes as cheating and how you react to another's infidelity is very much a personal thing:

"I think it depends on you as a person - your experiences, how you develop over the years, your past relationships, and what you take forward to the next one."