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Disability Bitch: We own the Oscars!
3rd March 2011
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You should by now know that Britain's Colin Firth at this week's Academy Award ceremony for his portrayal of a stammering monarch in The King's Speech. Mr Darcy Firth, if I may be so bold as to address you directly: I know I'm a bit late to the party, but congratulations on your Oscar win. And yes, I do really mean that, honest. After all, , and neither did many stammering people.
This is something of a miracle because, generally speaking, I do hate all non-disabled actors who try to play us lot. They're just slightly rubbish, in my considered experience, and disabled actors often get upset that abled folk are stealing jobs away from them, despite apparently being born to play certain roles.
Anyhow, after years of hating on the Ableds who parade down the red carpet this time every year, flaunting their perfectly-formed bodies and their dry-clean only fashions, I've decided that I LOVE THE OSCARS, and not just because I want one of those absurd ballgowns for myself.
Course, if I ever did win one of those golden statuettes, I'd need three additional personal assistants to help me squeeze my unfortunately deformed body into it. There's little doubt that I'd fall over on the red carpet whilst trying to look elegant and spill champagne down it within minutes of getting through the door but I'd happily endure that for a swanky evening at the Kodak Theatre.
Does anyone know of a high-end mobility supplier who could furnish me with some wipe-clean haute couture?
Disableds may be personae non gratae in every other part of society at the moment but, readers, we OWN the Oscars!
Sure, we don't get to play the parts ourselves - that would be too, too much - but these superstar actors, when they want an incy wincy bit of credibility, it's us, The Disabled, they turn to for help. Our lives are just too fascinating. Let's lap it up, readers. It's possibly the only bit of sunshine we'll get for a while.
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