³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

What happens when friendship goes wrong? How can friendships be repaired, and should we even try?

In the second part of a series called 'Friends Forever?' on ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, Daniela and Nataliya - Dan and Nat - told the story of their friendship, including getting matching tattoos and why they initially fell out.

They spoke, separately, to our reporter Jo Morris about what happened. Read on to find out if they ever reunited.

Dan and Nat met when they were both in Year 7 at school but didn’t become close friends until Year 8.

“We were at lunch,” says Nat. “Daniela got her Lunchables out and somebody was like: ‘Ew, what's that?’ I was used to hearing that because I was Russian and I always had salami in my lunch and everyone said it smelled. I remember saying: ‘Don't worry, they're like this to me all the time.’

“We walked around the school playground calling everyone sheep, because we thought we were better than everyone else, probably. I don’t think we really thought that. It was more like: Why don't we fit in here? Why are we such dorks? Everyone else really seems to be doing just fine.”

“I came here as an asylum seeker when I was five from Russia,” says Nat. “My granddad died in mysterious circumstances, and we had to leave. Dan made me feel safe. That's really important for me.

“We both had hard times but we would laugh a lot. It was easy with her. Her life wasn't simple and the women in her family hadn't had a great time. But you could tell her things and she actually cared about what you were saying.”

“My mum loves her still and considers her another daughter,” says Dan. “It wasn't exactly easy at home, but it wasn't easy for her at home either. So maybe that's also part of it, that we both just understood each other.

“I arrogantly convinced myself I could speak Russian because I understood what they were saying. I could just get the gist because I knew their body language. I didn't speak a word of Russian.”

When Dan changed schools, a rift began to form.

“She got into a really good school,” says Nat. “I was happy for her, but also like: ‘Oh, this is rubbish, isn't it?’ It didn’t seem like an option to me at the time, nothing like that did - that’s immigrant life.

“Those were the most difficult times for me at home in all the school years. She was there, but she was growing at her own pace. I was really jealous. I was jealous she had friends. I was jealous she had a life. I was jealous she had places to be. There was no way I could be in that world. It was hers.”

An argument caused by gossip when they were both 17 led to the break-up of their friendship.

“There was some 17-year-old drama,” says Nat. “I confided in a friend and probably shared one detail too many. I was trying to confide about how I was feeling but added details of things that were said because I just talk and talk and talk. Everyone was angry at Daniela for something because of that, then Daniela was angry at me for telling everyone about a private conversation that we’d had.

“I was outside school and it was really sunny. She called me and asked me if I told someone something. I didn't even ask for the details, I just said yes. I admitted guilt straight away. And then she said: ‘Don't call me again.’”

“She didn't devastate me, I was just annoyed.” says Dan. “I hope she wouldn't mind me saying that she liked to gossip. She liked to talk. That was her way of connecting with people. I remember thinking: ‘I totally know what's happened here, I know you.’ It was more me setting boundaries than anything else. I needed space.”

“I went home. I went upstairs. I closed the curtains. And I just lay there and cried,” says Nat. “That was the worst break-up I've ever had. Boys don't matter. They come and go. You can survive without a boy. You can't survive without the person that knows everything about you. Nothing hurts more than that.

“Someone was angry at her because of a thing that I'd told someone, and that's not fair. That was a real thing of shame for me - I'd caused upset for someone who didn't deserve it.”

Nat and Dan didn’t speak for years. But one afternoon, when Dan’s mum was picking up her little sister from school, she ran into Nat.

“She said she’d seemed really upset and I should message her,” says Dan. “It didn’t occur to me that she’d be upset. In my teenage head, she’d betrayed me so wasn’t interested in a friendship and didn’t care about me. I thought cutting ties wouldn’t have affected her. We were kids and kids do stupid things. She gossiped. Everyone gossips. I got hurt and it’s fine.”

“We met in the food court in M&S,” says Nat. “It was like no time had passed. Maybe it’s those years of formation together, but it was just like: ‘So, how’s life?’ That was it. We just became friends again. It was the easiest thing in the world.”

“We needed that time apart. We needed to be ourselves in our own lives and grow up. I needed to find myself. I needed to find out if I could do homework without someone fixing it for me.”

There are still things they can’t agree on. In their mid-twenties, they got matching tattoos, but Nat is angry that her '7' tattoo is a bit wonky. "She is so angry about that," says Dan.

“We’re two completely different people, in every single way. That's why I think it's so beautiful,” says Nat. “Even when we first met, I don't think anyone would have thought: ‘Oh, those two are born to be friends.’ But there's obviously a reason why we were inseparable from the off.”

Nat and Dan have remained friends, but it hasn’t been plain sailing since they reunited in their early 20s.

“Female friendships are powerful and incredible,” says Dan. “But it's not all rosy and sweet. They're flawed and can break and be stressful. They can be all the horrible and painful things that make any relationship, rather than this twee version that we're peddled as women.

“It’s not been plain sailing. Finding our way back to each other in our early 20s was just the start. Having each other around during the rocky times has actually been the making of us in a strange way.”

To listen to Daniela and Nataliya’s story in Woman’s Hour’s ‘Friends Forever?’ series, head to ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Sounds. You can listen back here.

Join the conversation on and @bbcwomanshour.