‘Ditch the New Year’s resolutions’: How to take the pressure off in January
The start of a New Year can be a whirlwind, particularly if you’re desperate to get back into a routine after the festive period and you’re thinking about making some changes in the form of New Year’s resolutions.
But research suggests that the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by February. So, should we be putting ourselves under pressure to commit to a list of goals for 2024? Or could we look at setting less unobtainable goals to take the pressure off?
Dr Emma Hepburn, who you might know as The Psychology Mum on Instagram, is the creator of the Emotional First Aid Kit and A Toolkit For Your Emotions. And Cathy Madavan is a psychological decluttering expert and author of Why Less Means More: Making space for what matters most. They both joined Jessica Creighton on ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour to share their tips.
Keep reading for their advice on how you can take the pressure off as we enter the New Year.
Ditch the New Year’s resolutions
“We often set ourselves big goals for the New Year that we are unlikely to achieve”, says Emma Hepburn. “Resolutions should not be about creating additional stressors in our life - let’s face it, there’s enough of them in the world for all of us right now anyway! They should be things which make you feel good, reduce your stress and therefore improve your life and wellbeing.
Resolutions should not be about creating additional stressors in our life - there’s enough of them right now anyway!
“Remember goals don’t just need to be adding things in, reducing things can be helpful goals too. So, for example, learning to say no or reducing the amount you take on at work frees you up to live a life more in line with your values.”
“We’re sold this mantra that more is always more”, says Cathy Madavan. “More followers, more fitness, more success, more this, more that. It’s just a bit much isn’t it, really.
“The question I keep asking myself and others is: ‘What is it that we want more of? And what is it that we want less of? Because you can’t have more of everything without a heck of a lot more stress. So, it’s not about lowering your expectations, it’s about adjusting them to something that is realistic for you.”
Focus on the small things instead of big goals
“The small, daily things we do have more of an impact on how we feel than achieving big goals”, says Emma. “And we are also more likely to achieve small goals to develop daily habits. Think about small things you can either add (or take away!) from your day.
“If you do want to go down the New Year’s resolutions road (and you really don’t have to), don’t overwhelm your brain with too much. Start with just one or two things that you can do on a daily basis.
“I’d suggest goals such as: ‘I want to read two pages of a book a day’ or ‘I want to go for a five-minute walk a day’. These are easier to achieve and more likely to stick and motivate you to grow these into established habits.
“It can be helpful if you can add these easily into your daily routine, which means you are more likely to stick to them. For example, if you want to read more, stick a book in your bag so you can read on the train. If you want to go for a walk, do it straight after school drop off, when you are already out. And remember you can set goals at any time of the year… Is the dark, dreary month of January the right time for you to do it?”
Avoid ‘new year, new me’
“Ditch the ridiculous ‘new year, new me’ vibe”, says Cathy. “Think about: Where do I want to move forwards next year? Where did I consistently reach my limits and end up feeling fried and burnt-out last year? And how can I create a bit more margin in my life? What would progress in that area look like? I might not be an astronaut next year, but I might be able to do an evening class in an area I’m interested in.”
Make sure you are not using resolutions as a stick to beat yourself up or shame yourself.
“Make sure you are not using resolutions as a stick to beat yourself up or shame yourself”, says Emma. “You don’t need a new you, but you do need to look after the you you are with compassion and kindness.
“Don’t list all the things about yourself you are unhappy with - that’s going to make anybody feel bad. Set positive aims that you actually want to do and that make you feel good. If you want to exercise, try to predominately focus on the achievement it brings you when you do it, or the positive way it makes you feel afterwards, rather than end goals like losing weight.
“If you do want to set yourself goals, think about what is really important to you and your values. What small things can you do to meet these values? This doesn’t mean radically changing who you are as a person, instead it means tuning into what is important to you as a person and living your life around this.”
Don't try to be perfect
“Perfection is a myth, so if you set yourself goals, expect setbacks”, says Emma. “That’s life, not a failure. Reevaluate rather than beat yourself up when these happen. Try to focus on achievements rather than chastising yourself when you feel you don’t achieve.
“If you want to change goals or even set them aside, allow yourself to. Flexibility with goals is far better for you than adhering to goals that become unobtainable or are making you feel bad.”
“I talk about less perfect and more progress”, says Cathy. “You have to decide that there are some things that just don’t matter and there are some things that do. Really zone in on those things. The extraordinary moments have become our new benchmark for normal, but actually, it’s the ordinary moments that are probably the most important. Make the most of them.”
Plan in some fun and things you enjoy
“For a lot of people, January can be a really bleak month”, says Cathy. “Are there some things that we could do now that will replenish us in some way in January? Try to think ahead and make choices now that will it a little bit less intense.”
Goals don’t just need to be adding things in, reducing things can be helpful too.
“Building tiny pockets of joy or feel-good emotions into our day is beneficial for our wellbeing and we can build our happiness through these tiny daily actions”, says Emma. “It doesn’t need to cost anything or take much time. It might be just getting outside in the light, or it might be connecting with a friend.
“What do we really enjoy? And what can we plan in to look forward to? Tiny things are possible and feel achievable even when exhausted yet can still provide structure and impact positively on wellbeing in a range of ways. Think of three tiny things you can do daily that make you feel good… and if three is too much then one is a great start.”
Step back from social media
“Social media gives us an audience of millions of people to compare ourselves with”, says Emma. “Notice if you are making these comparisons and remember you are comparing your full picture to other people’s highlights. That’s an unfair comparison.”
“We can create a list of ‘shoulds’ from viewing other people’s lives… For example, ‘I should be writing New Year’s resolutions’, etc. This sets us unrealistic standards which are designed to fail. We need to notice these expectations we are setting ourselves - the shoulds - and work out: Are these actually things that fit with our values and what we really want to do or are they just creating unnecessary stress and standards that are impossible to meet?’
“If you find social media is making you feel bad, switch off, set limits and put your phone away. If you use it habitually, it really needs to be physically away from you to reduce usage, so leave it downstairs when you go to bed, or, if possible, have periods when it is switched off and not accessible.”
To hear more about how we can re-evaluate our New Year’s resolutions, you can listen to the full discussion on ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Sounds.
Join the conversation on and @bbcwomanshour.
