成人论坛

From Sarah Joseph, Editor of a Muslim lifestyle magazine:

听

On Tuesday, tennis icon Serena Williams spoke of being in a difficult place 鈥� a 鈥渇unk鈥�, and said she felt she was 鈥渘ot a good mom鈥�. I just sighed, 鈥渋sn鈥檛 that the truth!鈥�

听

Somehow, in some way, I have always felt deficient as a parent; convincing myself that I could have, should have, would have, done more, been better鈥�

The feeling of deficiency is made sharper by the fact my eldest daughter was ill for so long, and the other children struggled to cope with the trauma and instability of a situation where often we weren鈥檛 sure she鈥檇 survive.

听

As a parent, I found it hard not to beat myself up about the situation on a daily basis. People would try to console me, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e doing your best鈥�. But there is little consolation in that. That statement always feels like an appeasement of failure. We don鈥檛 tell winners, 鈥淵ou did your best鈥�. We say it when we don鈥檛 make the mark.

听

In truth, parenting is not the only area of my life where I鈥檓 hard on myself.

Whatever I do, I strive to do it to the very best of my ability, striving for the Islamic characteristic of 鈥淎hsaan鈥� 鈥� excellence - which the Prophet extolled us to seek for.

Yet, striving for excellence can mean one is never satisfied, which goes against the Islamic characteristic of 鈥淪akinah鈥� 鈥� to be content with your state.

Like most things, it鈥檚 a balance, I guess. And when I reflect, and strive to be kinder to myself; really, what more can we do in life, other than our best?

And some days our best wins, and some days it doesn鈥檛.

Some days our best is so smooth, we are gliding along like gracious swans; and other days we are paddling furiously just to stay afloat, despite our very best efforts.

In truth, like all of us, I听can鈥檛 do more than my best. I听can only strive to make my best better through tiny incremental improvements; but in doing so I听hope I can learn to appreciate my own efforts, and reflect on what went right.

听

As Serena put it, 鈥渋f you are having a rough day or week--it鈥檚 ok--I am, too!!! There鈥檚 always tomorrow!鈥� And indeed every new day offers new opportunities to try again. So even in striving to be better, I pray I, and indeed, all of us, can still learn to be content.

听