成人论坛

13th March 2024

bbc.co.uk/accessall
Access All 鈥� episode 95
Presented by Emma Tracey聽

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hello, Alex Taylor.

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hi, there. How are you?

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 good. I came and grabbed you, didn鈥檛 I?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I know.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Because I really wanted to gossip about the story that鈥檚 been all over 聽the internet about Madonna this weekend. And you are a wheelchair user and you鈥檙e a 成人论坛 culture reporter, so you鈥檙e my perfect person for this conversation.

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, I am apparently, yes.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, what happened?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, well, so the gig in that gig she actually saw an audience member and said, 鈥淕et up and dance鈥�. And I turned out that they were actually in a wheelchair.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Ouch.

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, then she had to hastily apologise. And then yes, she went online and then everyone went mad.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, yes, because somebody was filming it, weren鈥檛 they?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Exactly.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, here鈥檚 how it played out:

[Clip]

MADONNA-聽聽聽 [Cheers and applause] Dance with me. Why are you sitting down over there? What are you doing sitting down? Oh, okay. Politically incorrect. Sorry about that. I鈥檓 glad you鈥檙e here.

[End of clip]

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Oh my goodness. That鈥檚 really cringey, isn鈥檛 it?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, not ideal.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, what have people been saying about it then?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, I mean, everyone gets angry at this point after anything nowadays. But they鈥檙e saying it鈥檚 ableist. If you鈥檙e in a chair at a gig it鈥檚 often hard to get there anyway, so having that on top is your worst nightmare.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, people say it鈥檚 ableist, so discriminatory towards disabled people.

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yes.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And that actually we go through access lines, there鈥檚 so much work to get to a gig, and then being called out for sitting down, especially if, like, you鈥檙e a new wheelchair user or something, that must be quite a鈥�people don鈥檛 want that to happen, do they? But what鈥檚 your take on it? Because I don鈥檛 think you鈥檙e as angry as some disabled people online, are you?

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 not angry [laughs]. I just think it was obviously meant in a light-hearted way to get everyone up and going and dancing at her gig. I mean, that鈥檚 her job on stage is to get everyone in the mood. I just think it was obviously unintended, and you have to look at what her aim was with that; it wasn鈥檛 to offend. And she did apologise afterwards, you know, as soon as it was obvious. And I just think you have to let her be on that one.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I think what you鈥檙e saying to me, Alex, is relax, chill out, it鈥檚 not big deal.

ALEX-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yes, essentially I am. Essentially I am saying that.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 [Laughs] all right, let鈥檚 say this together, one, two, three, on with the show!

MUSIC-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Theme music.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hello, this is Access All, the 成人论坛鈥檚 weekly podcast about disability and mental health news and stories; and boy, do we have plenty of those for you this week. I鈥檓 Emma Tracey. And on this episode I鈥檓 going to talk to Henry Fraser. He was a promising rugby player and a gym enthusiast before he became paralysed from the shoulders down in an accident whilst on holiday when he was 17. Since then he鈥檚 taught himself how to paint using his mouth and an accessible paintbrush on a stick. And he鈥檚 become very famous doing that, and it鈥檚 a great conversation, so looking forward to you hearing that later on.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We鈥檙e also going to look at last Wednesday鈥檚 budget and the 拢105 million the Chancellor Jeremy Hunt has promised to build 15 special schools in the next four years.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 While I have you here can I ask you to subscribe to us on 成人论坛 Sounds or wherever you get your podcast. Just hit that little button and I will come down onto your device every week and talk to you about disability. Lucky you. You can also get in touch with us on email accessall@bbc.co.uk.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Last Wednesday the government announced its spending intentions for the next few months. Chancellor Jeremy Hunt laid out his plans to cut national insurance and to tackle inflation. But what is in the budget for disabled people? Here to help me answer this question is Fazilet Hadi from Disability Rights UK. Fazilet, you鈥檙e very welcome.

FAZILET-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Thank you, Emma. Lovely to be with you.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, you鈥檝e been on before; we know you know your onions about this sort of thing. Now, your organisation, Disability Rights UK, before the budget you released a strongly worded statement, and that was calling for the government to improve living standards for disabled people. Do you think the Chancellor got the message?

FAZILET-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Absolutely not. I鈥檓 saddened to say that I think the government and Disability Rights UK are living in very different universes, and I think the government clearly don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 a problem with deepening poverty. And if they do think there鈥檚 a problem there鈥檚 nothing they鈥檙e going to do about it any time soon. And instead we saw a budget that was about some national insurance cuts that will benefit high earners more than they鈥檒l benefit low earners; keeping to the current tax thresholds, which will again penalise the lowest earners; and we saw very, very little for anyone who鈥檚 really struggling to eat or heat their home.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, what did we see for disabled people in this budget?

FAZILET-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 [Laughs] that鈥檚 going to be a pretty short answer. We saw an extension to something called The Household Support Fund, which is a kind of safety net. You would have thought the benefit system was a safety net, but as we all know the level of benefits isn鈥檛 enough to meet essential expenditure. So, the government has been giving local authorities a pot of money that they can use their discretion to give out. And so we saw that fund of extra money to local authorities being extended for six months, which is so deeply depressing because it鈥檚 going to end as winter starts and people will be left with nowhere to go for things that they are desperate for. And we would have hoped for a one-year extension so that people got support through next winter. We saw some capital being given to a programme to build special schools. That programme has been going on for quite some time, and they鈥檝e put another 拢105 million in, which is probably not very much money.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 What were you hoping that the government would announce in this budget that they haven鈥檛?

FAZILET-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Okay, well we were hoping for them to at least review benefit levels so that people could eat, heat their homes, buy medication and live with a decent quality of life. In the event of them not doing that we were hoping they鈥檇 continue with cost of living payments to help people through next winter. We were hoping that they would actually find some money to support all poor people, but disabled people in poverty in particular around energy bills, because a lot of disabled people have higher use because of needing to keep homes at a constant temperature for health reasons, or needing to charge mobility or health related equipment. None of that was there.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And the other thing we would have really hoped for is some injection into the public services that are really floundering and on their knees, like health, like social care, like educational support to disabled children. We can see local authorities going bankrupt, we can see the pressures on their budgets, and it鈥檚 going to be disabled people who are at the hard edge of that bankruptcy, and we鈥檒l be the ones losing out on services.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, the Treasury did tell us that the government is absolutely committed to improving the everyday experience of people with disabilities. Fazilet Hadi, thank you so much for joining me.

FAZILET-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Thanks, Emma.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And one issue which Fazilet did mention, but which we want to do a bit more of a deep dive on, is provision for children with SEND, special educational needs and disabilities. Listen to this clip from Jeremy Hunt鈥檚 budget:

[Clip]

JEREMY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Special education need provision can be excellent when outsourced to independent sector schools, but also expensive. So, we鈥檒l invest 拢105 million over the next four years to build 15 new special free schools [hear-hears] to create additional high-quality places and increase choice for parents.

[End of clip]

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Increase choice for parents. Well, one parent who鈥檚 been listening to all that and who鈥檚 been on the SEND journey is Hayley Harding. Hello Hayley.

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hi.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 How are you doing?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 good thank you. How are you?

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 well, thank you. You were listening to that clip, and you鈥檝e had a bit of a journey to find the right school for your son, Matthew, haven鈥檛 you?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, that鈥檚 right. His journey, like you say it is, started back in 2019 when he was refused support. He鈥檚 autistic and now we know he鈥檚 got ADHD and he鈥檚 dyspraxic as well. And he was so weak at the time, physically so weak that he couldn鈥檛 pick up a pencil, he needed physiotherapy to walk, and despite that the council turned him down for an assessment. So, that鈥檚 when our journey started at a time when it was so clear he needed help, and yet he was refused.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, you applied to your local authority for an assessment to see if he could get an educational health support plan?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yes. Or even if he needed one. We didn鈥檛 really know, to be honest. We thought he did, but we wanted the experts to come in and look at him and assess him, literally, as it鈥檚 called. And when they said no we kind of just thought, well hang on a minute, what鈥檚 the reaction, what are we supposed to do. And I remember talking to the caseworker and I said, 鈥淟ook, he goes into preschool now and he鈥檚 physically, you can see, he鈥檚 scared, and you鈥檙e telling us he has to because you鈥檝e got to see him in that setting. And yet you鈥檙e saying you now want to take him from a setting which has a much higher ratio of staff, because the kids were obviously younger, to one where it鈥檚 more intense, more overwhelming and he鈥檚 going to be frightened every day鈥�. And the response was, 鈥淲ell, just see how he gets on鈥�.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We鈥檝e been doing a lot on this subject on Access All and on 5 Live recently, and we鈥檝e seen that before where people have been told to go and try mainstream before going to a specialist school. But you knew he needed specialist school. And did you find somewhere for him?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Eventually, yes. Ten months down the line. And it was in the January that we first got turned down; it wasn鈥檛 till the following October that we actually got him a place. He鈥檚 done, or doing, very well.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But will you have to go through this again? He鈥檚 nine now, he鈥檚 going to be going to secondary school in a few years, is that going to start the process all over again?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Most likely yes, unfortunately.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Are you ready?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 No, [laughs] I don鈥檛 think anybody鈥檚 ever ready.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Okay. And this money that Jeremy Hunt has announced in the budget what difference do you think it鈥檒l make to people like you and Matthew?

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, let鈥檚 be honest, very little. 15 schools is just the tip of the iceberg. It鈥檚 nowhere near enough what鈥檚 needed. Last year there were 14,000 appeals to the SEND tribunal; I think about a third of those were placement. And we know that so many parents go to tribunal for the right placement. And obviously our Secretary of State recently has let鈥檚 just say commented on the fact that we are supposedly using them to go for high-cost placements. And I think that鈥檚 what Jeremy Hunt was alluding to there. It鈥檚 just not true. We鈥檙e just trying to find a place. We鈥檙e not trying to find an expensive place; we just want our kids to go to school and be happy and learn, that鈥檚 it.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hayley Harding, thank you so much for telling us you and Matthew鈥檚 story. And I hope Matthew鈥檚 school continues to be enjoyable for him.

HAYLEY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Thank you.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Stephen Kingdom is with me now. Hi, Stephen.

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 Hiya.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Stephen is from the Disabled Children鈥檚 Partnership, which is a coalition of over 100 organisations campaigning for better health and social care for disabled children. Stephen, what is this 拢105 million announced by the Chancellor, what is that money supposed to be used for?

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 It鈥檚 supposed to be used to build 15 new special schools around the country. We don鈥檛 yet know where or exactly what the special schools will provide for.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But will 拢105 million build 15 schools or would it take more than that? And if it takes more than that where would the money come from?

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 It depends on the size of the schools and the particular circumstances of their sites and so on, and what they鈥檙e providing for. I think it鈥檚 probably a reasonable estimate. But then on the other hand there were reports over the weekend that the last tranche of 33 new special schools are being delayed, so that is a worry about whether there鈥檚 enough money and whether this provision will come online as quickly as the government has promised.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 What鈥檚 needed isn鈥檛 just about more physical capacity. It will take time for these places to come on board. But the crisis in special educational needs is happening now. What we need is the resource in mainstream schools to better support children who are being educated there; we do need more special school provision; we need more specialists; we need more speech and language therapists; more occupational therapists; more educational psychologists. So, it鈥檚 not just about the physical buildings, but it鈥檚 about the people who will work in them and who will support children, and it鈥檚 about supporting children in whichever setting they鈥檙e in.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And the money that was announced is that just for the buildings or is it including equipment, teachers, support staff etc?

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 As far as we know it鈥檚 just about the physical capacity, so just for the buildings.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I also want to ask you another question that you might know the answer to. This is for specialist free schools, what does that actually mean? What are specialist free schools?

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, free schools are forms of academies, they鈥檙e new academy schools that are proposed by academy trusts. And I think this is a worry in the sense that it means that local authorities can鈥檛 plan really clearly where the places need to go because they鈥檙e reliant on finding a promoter who will put forward that free special school in that area. Which means they鈥檙e slightly at the mercy of where those promoters are and where those places will come rather than the proper鈥�

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 What do you mean the promoter?

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, academy trusts, other providers. That means that it鈥檚 really difficult for the local authorities to ensure the places are going where they鈥檙e most needed and have that sort of proper commissioning and proper planning of where places are.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I kind of want to know what sort of money you think needs to go in to match the actual need.

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 Well, David Davis and another 70 Conservative MPs wrote to the Chancellor before the budget and said they thought they needed an additional 拢4.6 billion in special educational needs funding. And that鈥檚 probably not a bad figure. And that鈥檚 just in the education side. We鈥檝e assessed a shortfall of 拢2.1 billion across health and social care support for disabled children and their families. So, we are talking very big figures which is why, while any additional investment is welcome, this feels very much like a drop in the ocean.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Stephen Kingdom, thank you for your expertise.

STEPHEN-聽聽聽聽聽聽 Thank you.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We could not do Access All without you, the listener. A lot of the things we cover are from messages you鈥檝e sent us or stories you鈥檝e shared with us. But we particularly want you to get in touch over the next few weeks because we want to celebrate our 100th episode. It鈥檚 happening in the middle of April and we want you to get involved. I鈥檓 asking you to send us a message or an email, however it works for you, and tell us the best advice you鈥檝e ever received from another disabled person. Tanyalee Davis said a radar key 鈥� good answer. And we鈥檙e going to be asking everybody that over the next few weeks and we鈥檇 love to hear your answers as well. So, if you want to get involved please email accessall@bbc.co.uk, or you can get onto the WhatsApp and give us a voice message or a text message. Just pop the word Access in before you send it. The number for that is 0330 123 9480. And you can find us on Instagram and X as well. So, the question we鈥檙e asking is: what鈥檚 the best advice you鈥檝e ever been given by another disabled person?

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 My next guest had aspirations of becoming a professional rugby player when an accident while on holiday in Portugal when he was 17 meant that he became paralysed from the shoulders down. Whilst navigating his life as a disabled person and the loss of his rugby career he found a new love, which was painting with his mouth. He has since gained a heap of celebrity followers for his pictures, he鈥檚 written two books, and there has been an actual musical made about his actual life, called The Little Big Things. I鈥檓 absolutely delighted to welcome to Access All Henry Fraser. Hi Henry, how are you doing?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 great, thank you. How are you?

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檓 good. You have a musical about your life. How did that happen?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It鈥檚 kind of a weird link to the guy who wanted to write the musical: he read my book, told his housemate about me, and his housemate at the time she was dating one of the guys my brother, Will, played rugby with at Saracens. And he was like, I work in musical theatre so I really want to write a music and somehow get in contact with Henry. So, I got this email from him saying, I read your book, loved it, I want to make it into a musical. And I was kind of just like okay, that鈥檚 quite weird. I never thought, of all the possible routes that the book may have taken, I wouldn鈥檛 have put a musical near the top.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, the musical does tell your life story, but it does take plenty of artistic licence, as it should and as all musicals do. But is it okay if we go back and learn a bit about your learn story? And can we start with Henry before Portugal?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I mean, on paper it was awesome. I would say I would define my pre-accident life by my physicality, by my sport, by gym, by all these things. Because mentally I wasn鈥檛 confident or strong at all. So, yeah, it鈥檚 kind of basically a whole reverse of who I am now.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And what happened on the holiday? I mean, you鈥檝e told this story 50 million times probably, but if you don鈥檛 mind [laughs] I鈥檒l ask again. What did happen on that holiday to mean that you were paralysed from the shoulders down?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, so we were just mucking about on the beach. I missed the first day, two and a half days because when I got to the airport to leave to go to Portugal I found out my passport had expired.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Gosh.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, if you believe in signs or omens or whatever that was probably a pretty big one [laughs]. So, I came home, managed to get up to Liverpool the next day and get a brand new passport. Yes, I was just enjoying my time on holiday with my mates on the beach, as we had done every day we had been there so far. South of Portugal in the Algarve, middle of summer, boiling hot so I decided to cool off in the sea. I ran in to a spot where I thought it was good depth but then it actually wasn鈥檛 basically. I went headfirst into a sand bank. I opened my eyes expecting to get up, get out of the sea and go and join my mates on the beach and start planning our night out, but I opened my eyes and I was still just there in the water, totally unable to move, to do anything. I think initially my mates probably thought, you know, I was joking, I don鈥檛 need to be in the water or just playing games or something. But luckily one of them saw me. I kind of saw his feet walk up next to me so I managed to turn my head slightly. He asked if I was all right. I managed to kind of mouth half out of the water and say no. And two of my mates just dragged me to the beach and that was it. I thought I was going to die in that moment.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I cannot even imagine, like, it鈥檚 beyond my realm of imagination how scared you would be in that moment. And tell me a bit about what happened in the few months after that. You were in Portugal for a bit and then you managed to get back to England.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, so I was taken away in an ambulance and then to a field, and then I was airlifted to Lisbon. So, then I was away from all friends, all family, I had no one around me, I was alone. Rushed immediately to x-rays. They did the x-ray and then there was a whole, like, emergency after the x-ray. I had no idea what was going on. Then the doctor put this numbing cream on the side of my head, and then before that could even take effect he was basically screwing this kind of metal halo almost into the side of my head, it was literally going into my skull this thing. Because it turned out that I鈥檇 dislocated my fourth vertebrae, so when that slid out of place it dragged all the nerves and everything from the spinal cord with it basically. I dislocated so much initially I thought I鈥檇 just severed my spinal cord. It turns out it鈥檚 just severely crushed, but obviously its damage is irreparable. So, with that metal halo basically I was lying flat and they would hang weights off the end of it to try and stretch my neck out, try and get the vertebrae to do its own thing and slide back into place. And then after three days that just wasn鈥檛 working and my vitals, oxygen levels just dropped off. Rushed to surgery, that didn鈥檛 work. I woke ventilated, tubes down my mouth, couldn鈥檛 breathe, had all these bags. I basically had pneumonia, MRSA, septicaemia. I was in absolute state.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And how was your mindset throughout the recovery? Because you mentioned that you struggled a bit before the accident. Were you just quite a different person? Mentally how were you during the recovery?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The first few weeks especially a bit hazy at times, a bit blurry. But I鈥檇 say mentally I didn鈥檛 really kind of check in properly until I was put into the wheelchair for the first time and I saw myself in that reflection. I think until that point I鈥檇 just been in a bed the whole time, and in the back of my head I guess there鈥檚 always this constant I guess seed of denial: I鈥檓 going to get up and walk out of this hospital and be like this never existed.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And then you saw yourself in a window?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah. I mean, it was great to be out of hospital. I鈥檇 been lying in bed for 13 weeks so I loved being up and about seeing the hospital, seeing all the places friends and family had spoken about, I could actually see it and not just try and picture in my mind, it was there. And it was late summer so it was warm, it was bright, it just felt really, really good. And then I remember about to come back in two giant glass doors at the entrance to the hospital, and in that moment the first time I鈥檇 seen my own reflection since the morning of the accident, and it just, yeah, I lost everything in that moment. It wasn鈥檛 me I was looking at; just this thin boy, just looked so weak and frail and fragile. I had the tracheotomy in my throat because I couldn鈥檛 breathe independently, I had this big headrest and armrest because I couldn鈥檛 even support my own head at that point. The moment I got back to my room I just asked my mum to pull the curtain around my bed and I just broke, absolutely broke and I was just crying and crying. It was the first time I asked the question why me, why has this happened to me. And I just remember lying in bed that night and I just let everything go in that moment. I just released it all. And I remember just staring at the ceiling and just thinking to myself, okay, at no point am I being sad or angry about this, I may as well just get on with it.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It wasn鈥檛 like I didn鈥檛 accept everything I that moment at all. It was just a big step for me to go, right, okay, I need to start looking at things differently, I need to start challenging myself.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And do you think that your sporting mindset from your rugby, and also the physicality that you had, do you think a lot of that helped? Or was it other things that were the special drivers for you?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The thing I enjoyed most was being in the gym before my accident, because I was just naturally physical strong anyway and I could push myself to levels that very few people I knew were able to do. So, I was like, okay that was always my focus before, so I guess that鈥檚 going to be what I鈥檓 going to use to help me get on track and start thinking about these exercises as my gym workouts. You know, they鈥檙e totally different things, but I need to find that almost just familiar feel of something to keep me on track. Yeah, and then I basically had to move all my physical strength into my mind, and I had to make it a mental strength, I had to change it and completely reverse, you know, who I was almost.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, your identity. And that鈥檚 so interesting in the musical where they have non-disabled Henry and they have disabled Henry, to get past that bit where there鈥檚 a non-disabled person playing a disabled role, it鈥檚 really interesting the different identities. Do you bring a lot of that stuff through to your painting? Because you鈥檙e such a successful mouth painter 鈥� and I鈥檒l ask you a bit more about how you do that 鈥� but what鈥檚 made you so successful as a painter, do you think?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I think it鈥檚 I鈥檝e not tried to settle on something I want to; I like to have those little challenges for myself and trying something. and understanding that, you know, if something goes wrong, if I fail at something it鈥檚 not the end of the world. I used to be so scared of failure before my accident that I wouldn鈥檛 go into things so scared that I鈥檇 want to do really well and try really hard to do it, I鈥檇 be so scared that I would go, I鈥檓 not going to do this because I can鈥檛 deal with it not going well. Whereas now it鈥檚 like, okay, that doesn鈥檛 matter, what do I have to lose if I just try this.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, how do you paint? I鈥檓 actually blind so I鈥檝e not seen all the videos, so tell me how you go about painting a picture.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, I basically have a mouth stick. It鈥檚 almost got like a V shape on one end and these two rubber sleeves I just grip on. And then on the other end there are little screw clamps that I just slide the brush into, tighten that up and get that ready to go. When I鈥檓 at home I just sit with a couple of cushions on my lap as armrests, I put a cloth across that to wipe my brush with, I have the easel with a tray underneath with the water and paints on it, and when I鈥檓 in that position I鈥檝e got control of everything. It鈥檚 just me, easel, audiobook, in my own little world. Obviously my physical limitations define the size of the board or canvas that I use, just because I can鈥檛 reach certain areas. So, sometimes I do have to paint upside down, I do have to paint sideways 鈥� not me, the painting.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 [Laughs] yeah.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But, you know, these are all little things that along the way I鈥檝e just learnt different ways to do things I guess. As you know, we鈥檙e always having to adapt, we鈥檙e always having to learn and find new ways to navigate life and what we do.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, exactly. How would you describe your style of painting?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檇 say it鈥檚 almost quite graphic in terms of the design. It鈥檚 always a lot of single figures, colourful figures on a single coloured background, so it鈥檚 very kind of stark, there鈥檚 always some contrast. So, it鈥檚 not too busy, but I like to think it鈥檚 kind of bright. It鈥檚 always involving colour, always involving something new, most times involving nature. You know, nature is a beautiful, wonderful thing and it鈥檚 always nice to try and recreate those moments, I guess.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 And you鈥檝e got an exhibition coming up later this year, haven鈥檛 you?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Yeah, it鈥檚 my fourth one, it鈥檚 coming up in September. So, I need to get working on that because the last six months I鈥檝e been enjoying the musical too much and all the fun that that鈥檚 brought, that I do actually now need to get painting.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Where do you paint? Where鈥檚 your studio? Where are you?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, it鈥檚 in my house my studio. When I was living with my parents I had my easel set up at the dining room table. But when I built my own place I made sure there was a studio space in there.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Because you鈥檝e designed and created your own house.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The house just came up for sale, I saw it immediately and just thought here鈥檚 a perfect, like the plot size, everything about it is spot on. So, I bought the house, ripped it out and built a brand new one, started all over again. It鈥檚 a beautiful house to be in. It鈥檚 all designed around open space, the sunlight, lots of glass.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Have you got lots of technology so that you can make things happen without help and stuff like that?

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 No. I had the option to but I didn鈥檛 go for it because I need obviously help with everything I do anyways, I just thought I鈥檓 building in a lot of tech stuff, for me just trying to replace it when it goes wrong or if it needs updating I think would just cause me more hassle than it would otherwise.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 So, it鈥檚 more about the space and the light. And I was reading that you鈥檙e able to see through to different rooms, so even if you鈥檙e stuck in one room it doesn鈥檛 matter as much.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 In the studio space with the door open I can see actually right through my bathroom window at the very back of the house. If I change my angle I can see through the glass cabinet out into the garden. There鈥檚 huge windows basically looking at the front courtyard. If I鈥檓 stuck in bed through whatever health reasons, or just absolute burnout, I can open my bedroom door and see right through the main part of the house really. You just don鈥檛 feel trapped in any moment, which again is very easy to be in this situation.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Henry, it鈥檚 been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for speaking to me.

HENRY-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Oh, no, pleasure. Thanks for having me on. It鈥檚 been great.

EMMA-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Oh my goodness, Henry Fraser, such an interesting and positive guy. And one thing I loved from that interview was that he says he鈥檚 got very little tech in his house, because you always expect people who can鈥檛 use their hands to have all this talky tech and stuff to open your curtains. But he says no, and I like that a lot.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 That鈥檚 your lot, guys, for this week. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks to our guests. And please get in touch with us, I love to hear from you. You can send us a WhatsApp 0330 123 9480, or you can email accessall@bbc.co.uk. And I鈥檇 love you to subscribe as well, particularly you guys on 5 Live if you鈥檙e listening during the night, and thank you so much for listening. You can go to 成人论坛 Sounds or wherever you get your podcasts from and press the subscribe button. Thanks again for listening. Goodbye.

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