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He said "Megatron's the best one"

"If I was one, it's him."

"Optimus Prime's all nice, but it's Megatron who really wins."

I've watched in awe, these books and films a million-viewed Transformers hits

and I smile until today and think:

Megatron ain't shit.

Last year, my hip bones moved another half an inch back together.

And yes Megatron lives forever, fine but Megatron's not real.

If you want to see a real life Transformer, come and have a feel.

And no, it's not the same I didn't turn into a car.

I turned into a factory, a life support and cooker.

The best vitamins I had moved from my blood into hers now

The direction of my nutrients redirected into hers. How?

I don't know.

Everyone sees the bump grow and everyone sees this baby

but they do not see your insides redesign themselves completely.

Rib cages cranking up, womb fills up with fluid,

a dark line on your skin appears and no one even drew it.

Labour came and went, something that I won't forget.

Baby, now in my arms, my system shifted once again, digestion redirected

to two breasts that grew one night, bigger than a large ripe pair of cantaloupes.

'Get me a pump', I yelled genuinely worried that they might explode.

My boobs, they warmed to heat the milk

my nipples make a hole

and everytime the baby sucks the suction makes my womb shrink back.

My hips move back, my ribs and diaphragm move back and now my body's back to just being its own again.

Complete transformation without one single robot fight.

But no one made an action film of this.

In fact, all my body's given is the pressure to transform again to a form I took long before my body raised and fed a life.

As if my skin should not remind me of this process we all have

as the real life time Transformers.

I'm saying 'Megatron ain't shit' compared to female bodies.

To prepare, to grow and feed a kid.

And the only thing our body's given for this Optimus of Primes is a pot of sodding stretch mark cream to try to hide the signs.