Mum-of-two April was diagnosed with breast cancer in March 2022. She鈥檚 had surgery to remove her breast and lymph nodes and is currently having chemotherapy. Here, April shares her journey and her tips for any parents going through a similar experience.
The diagnosis
I鈥檝e always checked my breasts for lumps. One morning in the shower I came across a hard, pea-sized lump. I saw my GP who said that because I was only 34 it was unlikely to be anything to worry about. But they referred me for a biopsy and a scan. I had a gut feeling it was going to be bad news, and it was. They told me they鈥檇 found cancer inside the lump. In that moment, I knew I had to change the negative into a positive: to turn my experience into an opportunity to help anyone going through anything similar.
Telling the children
My husband and I hadn鈥檛 said anything to our children Robert, 5 and Felicity, then 3. As soon as I found out I had cancer, we decided to tell them that mummy had a lump that the doctors needed to remove. I鈥檝e got ongoing health issues including ME and fibromyalgia, a condition which causes pain all over your body, so they鈥檙e used to me being poorly. Because of that I expected them to be fine. Felicity didn鈥檛 understand and said 鈥榦kay鈥. My son broke down in tears which I wasn鈥檛 expecting. Luckily, I鈥檇 been given a kids鈥 book by my specialist nurse once I was diagnosed that explains breast cancer in a helpful child-friendly story.
The surgery
I had an operation to remove the lump followed by an MRI scan to see if the cancer had spread. This showed a lump under my arm. Initially, doctors thought this was probably due to my Covid jab but was later checked and found to be cancerous. Unfortunately, it had spread to the lymph nodes under my arm which they then needed to remove. I was fitted with drains under my arm and I decided to use this as a way to involve my children and help them feel helpful. You鈥檙e sent home with little bottles for the drain and I gave them both a job to look after one each, which they loved. I鈥檝e got a port at the moment for chemotherapy- an implanted device that is used to deliver chemotherapy or medicine and take blood samples. My daughter loves to touch it - she thinks it鈥檚 a magic button!
Being in hospital
Time in hospital has been the toughest part. The children aren鈥檛 allowed in with me, so they鈥檝e had to stay with my parents or my husband, when his work shifts allow.
With various treatments and emergency surgeries, I鈥檓 sometimes gone for days at a time without seeing the children and that鈥檚 been really hard on them, and me. When I come home my daughter can be distant towards me and takes time to warm up again. My son can become really emotional. I can see the impact it鈥檚 having on them. One evening I put them to bed and told them I鈥檇 see them in the morning, but later that night I was rushed to hospital with sepsis and was in hospital for a week. After that, their sleep patterns went out the window and they started waking up in the middle of the night.
Having chemotherapy
I鈥檓 having seven cycles of chemotherapy which is hard, especially when you鈥檙e looking after two young children. Straight after chemo I feel like I've got flu and this lasts about a week. I then have one good week and then it鈥檚 back into the next round of chemo. I try and do the school run in the morning, then clear my day so I can rest before pickup.
It鈥檚 a rollercoaster and I remind the children that I鈥檒l be feeling poorly for a week, but I鈥檒l be able to play with them as soon as I鈥檓 feeling better.
It鈥檚 tough but I feel like my children give me the reason to be so strong and to keep fighting; they still need their mummy and that does push me on. On a day when I鈥檓 not feeling well my daughter will come up and give me a cuddle and that gives me that will to keep pushing.
Answering the kids鈥 questions
We have 鈥榪uestion time鈥 at home where I try and answer anything the kids want to know. They鈥檙e not old enough to understand cancer, but they do understand that my scars need to heal and that my medicine (chemotherapy) is going to make me poorly.
Whenever there is something big coming up in my treatment I've tried to explain it in a way that鈥檚 not scary for them.
For example, my son couldn鈥檛 understand why I needed chemotherapy when the lump was gone. I explained it was like a tree - they cut the top part off so it was gone like Mummy's lump, but there were still roots in the ground, and to get rid of the roots they need to put medicine in. All of a sudden he said he understood. They don鈥檛 ask about death - I don't think they understand that much yet. If they ask me, I鈥檒l say that at the moment there is no reason why Mummy will die from this - we caught it early on and Mummy is having medicine now to make sure it doesn't come back. If something happens where I do need to talk to them, I鈥檒l just be honest and we鈥檒l navigate it together when we know what we鈥檙e dealing with.
Next steps
After chemotherapy, I鈥檒l be starting radiotherapy. I鈥檒l then need to take hormone tablets for up to 10 years, which can cause menopause-like side effects. I never wanted more than two children, but when you go through cancer and are told you鈥檙e probably not able to have children again, it鈥檚 emotional. The thought of not having that choice any more is one of the biggest processes I鈥檝e had to go through, which I didn't expect. However, I鈥檓 determined to stay positive and I really want to help anyone else going through this.
April鈥檚 tips for other parents when it comes to breast cancer
Check your breasts
I鈥檝e always checked my breasts even though I didn鈥檛 really know what I was doing. But I鈥檝e learnt there is no right or wrong way. It鈥檚 understanding what is normal for you, so you can pick up on any changes.
Let your child lead how you handle things
Every child is different: I have to dial back what I tell my daughter compared to what I tell my son. Some children might want lots of information, others might find this too overwhelming. Be led by your child on how much you tell them. And if you notice they can鈥檛 process it, think of a different way to tell them what鈥檚 going on without it being scary.
Find your way of coping
My way of dealing with everything is through exercise. It's my time to switch off and process what I'm feeling and be normal for that 30 minutes. If I'm feeling angry or sad, I'll do a workout.
Allow extra time at bedtime
This is often when most of your child鈥檚 questions will come out! We tend to add an extra five minutes at bedtime because that鈥檚 when my children will ask me about my treatment or about my scars.
Break your journey down
Thinking about your whole treatment plan is just too daunting. Instead, focus on bitesize pieces like your next appointment or your next scan.
Take the pressure off
It鈥檚 ok not to have a tidy house. The other week was the first time I let people into my house without it being perfect. No one cared that the jobs weren鈥檛 done. The kids had friends to play with and I had someone to talk to. Manage what you can and take the pressure off yourself as a mum.
Look for charities
We鈥檝e had incredible support from and another charity, the They organise activities and trips for families affected by cancer to help them feel normal.
If you or someone you know is affected by cancer, there is help available. Visit 成人论坛 Action Line for organisations that can offer help and support.
