When women become mums, they go through a lot of obvious biological changes. But did you realise that men鈥檚 bodies change when they become dads too?
鈥淭he only thing I鈥檝e noticed physically is putting a load of weight on, I鈥檓 getting a bit of a dad bod!鈥 says Tom, dad to 6 month-old Otis.
But no, we don鈥檛 just mean putting on a few extra pounds. 鈥淢um and dad are as biologically primed to parent as each other鈥, says Dr Anna Machin, author of The Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 the big new understanding about parenthood 鈥 in the past we thought only women underwent bodily changes, mainly as a product of pregnancy and childbirth, but actually men go through similar things too鈥.
Ok, so men don鈥檛 carry babies for 9 months, give birth or produce milk. But they do go through some changes that aren鈥檛 obvious to the naked eye. 鈥淭here are two major changes that happen, generally the first time you become a dad: hormonal changes and brain changes鈥, explains Dr Anna.
Mum and dad are as biologically primed to parent as each other.
Hormonal highs and lows
The main hormonal change is a drop in testosterone, the male sex hormone. 鈥淭estosterone is great when you鈥檙e in the mating/dating game because it makes you more competitive, more motivated to look for a mate鈥, says Anna.
But when you become a dad, this drop is one way your body prepares you for your new role.
鈥淢en with lower testosterone are much more sensitive towards their children and empathetic. It makes them motivated to care for their child. If you were to play baby cries to a group of men, those with really high testosterone would probably find it really irritating whereas men with low testosterone would become anxious鈥.
This rings true for Mark, who recently became a dad for the first time. 鈥淚鈥檝e been around my baby nephew crying and I鈥檇 be like 鈥榗an someone sort this out?鈥. The minute it鈥檚 your baby, you know when a cry is something you can sort out yourself鈥.
Drops in testosterone also make dad more patient too, which is helpful with a baby or toddler. 鈥淚鈥檝e not felt frustrated in any way. I was in the car the other day and someone was taking ages to get out of a spot, but I was like, 鈥榳hatever鈥. Things like that just aren鈥檛 a big deal any more鈥, says Mark.
A drop in testosterone comes with a major pay-off for dads鈥 relationships with their children too. 鈥淗igh testosterone levels block the positive effects of oxytocin and dopamine鈥, says Anna 鈥 two of the major chemicals involved in bonding with your baby. They鈥檙e produced when you cuddle and interact and give you that warm, fuzzy feeling. 鈥淏ecause your testosterone is low when you鈥檙e a new dad, the impact of oxytocin and dopamine is much greater, so you will enjoy chatting and playing much more鈥.
Tom has been experiencing this rush regularly, 鈥渨hen he鈥檚 laughing, there鈥檚 no better feeling, really鈥.
It鈥檚 not all good news though, Anna warns. 鈥淭estosterone is protective against low mood. So a drop, when coupled with high risk factors like work-life balance, a partner going through or issues with bonding can increase the likelihood of male postnatal depression鈥.
Knowing more about your hormones and their effects could help you be more aware of your mental wellbeing, says Anna. 鈥淎s a woman, you can think: 鈥業 know this is probably my hormones speaking, I know there鈥檚 a hormonal element to feeling this crap鈥, which can sometimes help. For men, knowing how hormonal changes could also leave you vulnerable to something like PND, will hopefully nudge you to keep an eye on your own mental health鈥.
Mutual benefits for dad and baby
Children also experience the same rush of dopamine and oxytocin as dads through cuddling and playing. So from early on, dads can start building bonds through touch, hugs, skin-to-skin contact and massage. However, the biggest rushes of oxytocin come as baby grows and the relationship with dad becomes even more interactive.
鈥淚f a dad asks me 鈥榳hat鈥檚 the one thing I can do to bond with my child?鈥, I鈥檒l say 鈥榩lay with them鈥欌欌, Anna tells us. 鈥淲hat鈥檚 fascinating is there鈥檚 been this coevolution between dads and babies. They both get their biggest peak of oxytocin when they play together鈥.
Now that he and Otis are able to play together regularly, Tom鈥檚 mum has spotted something. 鈥淪he reckons he鈥檚 got a different laugh for me than he has for his mum. When I play with him, I move him around and I鈥檓 a bit more physical. And I do the same things every time, the things that I know will work to make him laugh鈥.
This sort of rough and tumble play is common with dads and something that Anna says is crucial to children鈥檚 development. 鈥淣ot only does it give your child a massive hit of oxytocin but it teaches them how to deal with risks and challenges, how to fail and pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on. And children who have engaged in this sort of play tend to be more physically and emotionally resilient and have better mental health as they get older鈥.
Anna is keen to stress that dads鈥 role as a playmate is therefore key. 鈥淚n the past, being termed 鈥榯he fun parent鈥 might have seemed like a put-down for dads, but play is actually really important for your child鈥檚 development鈥.
If a dad asks me 鈥榳hat鈥檚 the one thing I can do to bond with my child?鈥, I鈥檒l say 鈥榩lay with them鈥.
Positive brain changes
As well as changes in hormone levels, when you become a dad, your brain physically changes too.
鈥淲e see changes in those areas which we need to be able to parent well鈥, says Anna. 鈥淪o, for example, in the outer brain we see increases in areas needed for skills such as planning, focussing without distraction and problem solving. In the unconscious brain, we see activity in areas related to nurturing and risk detection, which are needed to know your baby is safe鈥.
The latter is something that Tom has definitely experienced first-hand. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e just worrying all the time. Definitely more than before. If I鈥檓 walking down the road, I鈥檒l look behind me when cars are coming to see if they鈥檙e randomly going to veer off the road towards me whenever I鈥檝e got the baby!鈥.
As well as being more risk-aware, dads often become more sensitive, particularly when it comes to children. 鈥淵ou become much more empathetic to others鈥 pain鈥, says Anna. 鈥淢any dads I speak to will say 鈥業 can鈥檛 watch news reports about children any more, I just become this heap of tears and blubber鈥欌. Tom鈥檚 been feeling this too, particularly when watching the 成人论坛鈥檚 Life and Birth series. 鈥淚t brings me to tears. It wouldn鈥檛 have affected me before, but now it really does鈥.
We see increases in areas needed for skills such as planning, focussing without distraction and problem solving.
Knowledge is power
Anna is hopeful that by being clued up on their biology, men will gain confidence in their instincts as a dad.
鈥淲hat I tend to hear a lot from men before they become parents is that mum is the gold standard of parenting. She instinctively knows what to do because she鈥檚 gone through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, whereas men have to learn. That鈥檚 not true. Women and men are just as instinctive as parents as each other, because they鈥檙e both biologically primed to do it鈥.
She has some words of advice for dads: 鈥淵our instincts are there, you just have to be confident that they鈥檙e there. Try to see yourself as the equal co-parent rather than the assistant parent who is there to learn on the job鈥.
- For plenty of play ideas, visit our Activities section.
