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Anyway, the two mysterious things are as follows:

MYSTERIOUS THING THE FIRST: What is it with hip hoppers and the '80s song 'True' by Spandau Ballet? It keeps popping up as a reference point. Either the backing track is sampled or (as in this case) the melody is nicked and new words written to reflect whatever the new song is about. But why? It's hardly a rare groove, is it?

Having said that, maybe it is in America. Their local radio programming is almost certainly less Spandau-heavy than ours is, so maybe they hear the same degree of alien excitement in 'True' that British listeners hear in something like Outkast. Hell, maybe there are confused American listeners wondering what on EARTH that bizarre melody is in the chorus...

Speaking of people being confused...

MYSTERIOUS THING THE SECOND: Who does that voice remind you of? It's a bit squeaky, a bit lizardy, a bit wannabe-smoochy, has undertones of Michael Jackson and overtones of frog...anyone got it? OK, more clues. Lloyd is very muscular, has quite the six-pack (although as yet he shows no sign of appearing in a reality TV show or marrying a glamour model with an annoying voice...). Yes! That's right! Lloyd is the vocal double of Peter Andre! And he's trying to sex you up using Spandau Ballet as a pulling tune.

Somehow once you've got that image in your head, this song collapses like over-cooked scrambled egg in the microwave. But then that's often the way with mysteries, innit? Once the hard sleuthing is over, all you have left is fond memories of the thrill of the chase.

Now, will someone PLEASE let poor Wally out? He's in a hell of a state...

Download: Out now
CD Released: May 28th

(Fraser McAlpine)