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How To Destroy...Lily Allen

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:32 UK time, Thursday, 27 September 2007

How To Destroy Lily Allen

NOTE: It has taken me AGES to come up with the right means to get past Lily's impressive verbal defences and find the one sure way to take her down. Originally I thought of cutting her bike's brake cables (from the cover of 'Alright Still'), but a) that's a vile thing to do, like really disgustingly horrible and b) who's to say she wouldn't use her dress as some kind of parachute and then come after me with her sharpened earrings?

And then I realised that she is of course an Allen, and Allens must be wound up using Allen keys, or they will run down. After that it was simply a matter of waiting for my chance, and sneaking up on her secret flap (calm down, boys, it's in her back...).

How to destroy other pop stars...

Comments

  1. At 09:28 PM on 27 Sep 2007, Nick wrote:

    Hey Fraser, have been cut off from the internet for a while, and have missed your odd sense of humour! Very creative on this one, and I think i preferred the explanation itself moreso than the picture! Haha, glad things are still going on on this site, it's good for my daily laughs!

  2. At 09:46 PM on 27 Sep 2007, tasha wrote:

    but thats not the shape of an allan key. you have it all wrong. i am disappointed

    :P

  3. At 11:02 PM on 27 Sep 2007, ~Rachel~ wrote:

    Tasha, it's not an allen key, it's an Allen key, which is a special kind of key that only works on Allens - if you tried to use it on flat-pack furniture or something, it would be no good...I presume...

    [Yeah, plus if I'd done an actual allen key, at that scale, it'd have looked like a big black 'L', which is potentially even MORE confusing. Besides that's just the shape of the key that comes out of Lily Allen. Don't blame me, blame HER! - Fraser]

  4. At 11:26 AM on 28 Sep 2007, Leanne wrote:

    I appauld your creativity, but im sure you could come up with something more dramatic (even though I shouldn't be supporting this since im a Lily Allen fan). Maybe that puppet from the Alfie video could be involved? (that thing is really scary)

    [He IS, isn't he? And not just because he's a grotty dirtbag in the video. *shudders*. Having said that, if you can come up with a more 'dramatic' scenario than Lily screaming while a key is forcably removed from her spine, I'm all ears. - Fraser]

  5. At 08:40 PM on 29 Oct 2007, Chloe wrote:

    Allen Key...!?

    How Do You Come Up With This Stuff!? It's Genius.

    My May Have To Get A Label On A Bit Of String For My House Key And Name It 'Allen Key' Now.

    =P

    x

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