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So, while I'm waiting from the inevitable phonecall from her Royal Highness, the Dutchess Fergie Ferg, to join her in the lifestyle that is g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s, let me explain why I love this song. First of all, I'm quite partial to songs that sound like four songs all squashed into one rough-sided lump, which this definitely qualifies as. One minute it sounds like a waterwheel, the next minute it sounds like you're trapped in the House of Mirrors watching your body being contorted into all sorts of different and grotesque shapes. Oh, and it has a talky bit in the middle, which is automatically brilliant.

But being serious for a moment, I really love songs that express a sentiment that everyone can relate to, and who doesn't know what it's like to be so besotted with someone that you make an absolute ninny of yourself due to your total inability to concentrate on anything else?

This is about that stage where you're trying to be totally cool, even though the person you've got the hots for has well and truly sussed you, and while you're trying to make an impressively suave exit that will leave them swooning in your absence, you inadvertently trip over the cat and do a faceplant into a custard pie, or something similar. And perhaps I've just had more experiences like that than the average person, but the feeling this song describes is so familiar and endearing that I can't resist it at all.

I don't foresee this one being a massive hit, considering it's about the 539th song off the album, but in a world where justice reigned and everyone talked sense, it would be. Given the occasional trend for songs that remind us how impossibly powerful and beautiful megastars are, and how plebs like us can only dream to be like them, it's also nice to have a song that reveals they are actually prone to the same sort of idiotic situations us civilians find ourselves in.

Bravo for your humility in releasing this, Miss Fergie. I hope it does you proud.

Download: Out now
CD Released: November 12th

(Steve Perkins)