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Well, naturally it WOULD be worth doing. God, if you could actually do it, you'd be able to put up one of those blazing banner headlines that reads "WORLD EXCLUSIVE!" and "THE STORY THEY TRIED TO BAN!". Y'know the kind of thing that makes you buy the newspaper/magazine in a fever, and then slowly regret having done so, once you find out it's just some recycled quotes from an interview you've already read.

Thankfully, we haven't had to go to the expense of hiring a miniature detective. Instead, we've managed to get hold of the transcript to a live interview the girls attempted to record backstage, for some kind of podcast or something*.

So, here it is...a world exclusive. The story they tried...y'know...banning and stuff. Whoo.

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*tape begins*

Geri: is it on? Is it? Is it on? Cos there's no point in me talking if it isn't on! The fans want to hear me talking and there's no need for me to talk if it isn't on, so is it on?

Mel B: Oh my God shut up Geri! If you don't shut your mouth right now I'm gonna smash your teeth so far down your throat...

Emma: [Interrupting] Now, Melanie, remember we said we wouldn't shout. Victoria's got a headache after all that screaming.

Victoria: How dare you! I wasn't screaming! I was singing!

Emma: No, no, I meant the screams from all the fans.

Geri: I love all the fans - hi fans! - I do. I love them all. Our fans are like the optimism of a new generation. Or Geri-nation, really!! Did you hear what I said Melanie? Did you? I said Geri-nation instead of generation! That's because I am clever and good with words! My teacher said so, and he was right....

Mel C: [Quietly] My teacher said I was a good singer and a good runner and good at gymnastics. I am a good singer and a good runner and I am good at gymnastics. I can do a backflip.

Emma: That's right, Melanie. You can do a backflip. You can do lots and lots of backflips. Who wants to see Melanie do a backflip? Girls?

Victoria: Melanie! What have I told you about doing backflips in your new designer tracksuit? You'll get all scuff-marks on it and we won't be able to take it back. I'll be made a laughing stock! Is that what you want? Is it?

Mel C: No, Victoria, sorry Victoria.

Mel B: Oh leave her alone, Vicky. She's not doing anyone any harm, is she? It keeps her happy...

Victoria: [Hissing] I told you never to talk to me like that in front of the other girls! It's demeaning! I won't have it!

Emma: Can we talk about something else, please? We're supposed to be recording this for our fans to hear. What was everyone's favourite bit of the concert tonight?

Geri: [Immediately] 'IT'S RAINING MEN'! That was BRILLIANT! Lots of people in the audience said so too! I asked them!

Mel B: Yeah, but 'Wannabe' is the song they all wanted to hear, and I got to do the best bits of that. So THAT is MY personal favourite.

Emma: Personally, I was very pleased with my singing in '2 Become 1', I think I really captured the emotion of the moment there. I could see tears in some people's faces. Victoria? What did you like about tonight?

Victoria: Do you even need to ask? I had my very own fashion show! I had fake paparazzi, and I was scowling at them! It was a theatrical tour de force, not unlike my sterling work in the Tesco advirtisement. I showed my poise, I showed my grace and natural bone structure, and people were in awe. In AWE I TELL YOU. I was working that catwalk like a DIVA! Oh you can keep your SINGING! I was strutting, I was posturing, I was THE QUEEN OF FASHION...AGAIN!

Mel C: I did two backflips. I think I hurt my knee...

Victoria: If you got a scuff-mark on that tracksuit I will TAN YOUR HIDE, you just see if I don't!

*tape ends*

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*You don't need me to tell you this is all made-up, right?