Fun With Press Releases No. 18
Red Blooded Women - 'You Made Your Bed'
"When you think of modern day girl bands, you probably think of denim miniskirts, cheap hairspray and fake tan. Now, imagine three powerful confident young women more likely to listen to Kraftwerk than Atomic Kitten, influenced by everything from Abba and the Carpenters through to Daft Punk and Depeche Mode. Imagine three young women equally obsessed with thrilling modern pop music coming from the likes of Rihanna, Justin Timberlake and the Ting Tings, as they are with '80s electro."
So it's the Sugababes, is it? Haven't we already got one of those?
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Hey Negrita - 'You Can Kick'
"'You Can Kick' is a raw and energetic record, packed full of addictive melodies, stunning harmonies and potent lyrics that testify against life, love and the pursuit of happiness whilst quietly luring you back to the pub."
It testifies AGAINST these things, does it? I might not bother then, if it's all the same to you...
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Queen + Paul Rodgers - 'The Cosmos Rocks'
"You also wonder how Rodgers who takes control as main vocalist on all thirteen tracks here feels about his work being dedicated to the man whose fans still worship at the altar of the pre-Mercury demise Queen."
No, I don't. I don't think anyone else does either. I don't even know what this sentence means, that's how little it speaks to my internal monologue. It starts, there are many words, then a full stop. Sense does not enter the building at any point.
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Jack Johnson - 'Sleep Through The Static'
"It's heartening to know that Jack's music is a pure distillation of his own character. Modest, warm-hearted and serene, Jack Johnson has found global success on his own terms, without hype or compromise."
A series of compliments which would work SO much better if they came from someone who hadn't been paid to write them. And by who? Why, the modest, hype-free Jack Johnson!
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The Academy Is... - 'Fast Times At Barrington High'
"...sees the band on sparkling form, delivering their unique brand of pop punk-driven rock 'n' roll with refreshing artistic dexterity"
So, up until now, the band has been unique but not refreshing? They used to be a boring one-of-a-kind sort of band? That's quite an achievement.
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Sam Beeton - 'What You Look For'
"It is a heartfelt track, which ends with a touching message that you're not always going to be what someone is looking for and can be easily replaced."
Yes. Yes that IS touching, isn't it? That's the kind of reassuring, arm-around-the-shoulder message we could all do with hearing in a dark moment. Has Sam considered moving into counselling on a professional basis? It could be something he could fall back on, should the music career fail to pan out.
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Teddy Thompson - 'A Piece Of What You Need'
"'This is a happy record,' Thompson muses, 'well, maybe not happy, but upbeat. Actually, maybe not upbeat, but it does have some up-tempo songs!'"
Well, maybe not up-tempo, but definitely not mid-tempo. Apart from the odd one, or two, or three...or twelve...OK, so it's a pretty slow album...of sad songs. Well, not so much SAD as DESPERATELY UNHAPPY...etc etc
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Wild Beasts - 'Brave Bulging Bouyant Clairvoyants'
"...is a smash and grab sensation of a pop song that whiffs of cheap aftershave on teenage cheek flesh, ripe with a sheer lust for adventure."
Actually, I've heard the song, and it really does do all of these things. Well done everyone!
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Comment number 1.
At 16th Sep 2008, Kim-ley wrote:Having heard Queen with Paul Rodgers in concert, I know they are very good. Maybe they just need an official editor for that release.
And I just really want to listen to that Same Beeton song...it'll make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I'm sure.
And those sad songs...now they're depressed and don't want to get out of bed...and they just want to be left alone so they can wallow in their misery!
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