How To Destroy...Alesha Dixon
NOTE: Alesha Dixon is a force for good, a wonderful human being and one of the nicest, most down-to-earth and light-hearted people you could ever hope to meet. As I write this, she's just climbed to the top of a mountain in order to raise money for Comic Relief, and destroying her would almost certainly guarantee you a window seat on a one way train to the fiery domain where Satan resides.
However, if it were totally necessary - like if she had unleashed one of her astonishingly loud cackles, and shattered the Earth's crust, leaving the entire planet in peril, only one mountainous guffaw away from total doom, and then decided to go and see some stand-up comedy to take her mind off all the stress - well, who better to do the dirty deed than her former Strictly tormentors? They're already well-skilled at ripping people to shreds, after all.
Failing that, perhaps a great big cork in her gob would do the trick...
Comment number 1.
At 9th Mar 2009, kalashnikobra wrote:Chartblog,
I have been a reader for long enough to remember your 'Ringtones from Hell' feature, which I have downloaded and put on my phone.
Please do more ringtones from hell, they were really inspiring =(
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Comment number 2.
At 9th Mar 2009, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:I hate to look a gift compliment in the mouth...but "inspiring" followed by an unsmiley smiley is kind of...uh...is it sarcastic? Dour? Eeyore-ish?
Anyway, sorry, manners escaped me for a second there.
Which song would you like The ChartBlog Ringtone Generator to mangle?
PS: Newbies! It's here...
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Comment number 3.
At 10th Mar 2009, Daniel wrote:I just listened to that Ringtone from hell and lmao! Thats class.
I reckon you'd do a good/bad Single Ladies ringtone!
DannyBoy__
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Comment number 4.
At 10th Mar 2009, kalashnikobra wrote:Yeah, I think Single Ladies or Issues would be mangled well!
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Comment number 5.
At 15th Mar 2009, jimmysavillescigar wrote:It just goes to show you can't be too careful!
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Comment number 6.
At 16th May 2009, spirit wrote:? wtp ?
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Comment number 7.
At 27th May 2009, spirit wrote:Last heard on 15th March...
It's been far too long.....
It's something to look forward to...
It makes for great drama......
It will boost blogging ratings...
We want the return of Jimmy Saville's cigar................
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Comment number 8.
At 8th Jun 2009, jimmysavillescigar wrote:fear not spirit warrior, i will always be with you.
Should i hear the call i shall return.
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Comment number 9.
At 8th Jun 2009, catman231 wrote:wow, jimsavcig is playing Darth Vader to Spirit's Luke Skywalker :)
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Comment number 10.
At 14th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Oh wow, I am so , so excited !!
Jimmy... just let us know what the call is....
Is it the next How to destroy ?
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Comment number 11.
At 14th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Hey Catman... all these conspiracy theories... now everyone is thinking that Jimmy could be my father !
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Comment number 12.
At 15th Jun 2009, thranjax wrote:Or rather...
Jimmy Cigar the father of Spirit is. Strong is the force in this one.
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Comment number 13.
At 15th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Come on Fraser.... where is the next How to destroy...... ?
We have all got our light sabres ready !
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Comment number 14.
At 15th Jun 2009, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Haha! No way! I know an ambush when I see one!
You boys go on outside and play now...the grownups are talking.
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Comment number 15.
At 15th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Chicken ! lol
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Comment number 16.
At 15th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Fraser... surely you must give your devoted fans what they want ?
I have done extensive chartblog analysis and compiled feedback from all your disciples , and everyone is talkin about the next How to Destroy !
The word on the street is that it looks set to be the biggest one yet.
Simon Cowell is pressing me for the rights to it, and Setanta are bidding with Sky for the film rights !
I hope you are aware of the excitement and general wow factor, that the next How to destroy will bring.
The icing on the cake is the return of Jimmy, who is waiting in the wings waiting to hear the call !
Anticipation is reaching fever pitch......
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Comment number 17.
At 15th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:When the grown-ups have finished playing twister in their sub-conscious mind.....
Then maybe we could have the next How to Destroy !
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Comment number 18.
At 15th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Waiting..........
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Comment number 19.
At 15th Jun 2009, CurtainJerker wrote:"Setanta are bidding with Sky for the film rights !"
Hmm... I think my money would be on Sky right now...
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Comment number 20.
At 17th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Well as waiting for the next How to destroy is like waiting for a new Guns n Roses album....
Can others please encourage Fraser....
In the meantime I thought it would give it a real big build up , by getting to know the very entertaining Jimmy Saville's cigar , who has attracted a large cult following on this blog.
Jimmy who are your comedy heroes ?
Favourite comedy programme ?
Favourite film ?
I love Fawlty towers, The Office , the Naked Gun films, Monty Python, Ben Stiller...... oh too many to mention !
Jimmy who are your favourites and why ?
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Comment number 21.
At 17th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Oh , and the film out on release at the moment...
"The Hangover "
Funniest film , I have seen in ages !
Great stuff...
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Comment number 22.
At 17th Jun 2009, spirit wrote:Jimmy, it would be fascinating to know, what really makes you laugh in the world of comedy....
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Comment number 23.
At 17th Jul 2009, thranjax wrote:I have just realised that Jimmys comment at 5 is in fact a response to David Mitchell's column on the Guardian website where he asked everyone to put "It just goes to show you can't be too careful" on every blog they could as it serves as a neutral reply to ANY subject.
So jimmy is a) a Guardian reader and b) a fan of David Mitchell. Which partly answers Spirits question at 22.
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Comment number 24.
At 17th Jul 2009, spirit wrote:So we wait outside a David Mitchell gig , and as the people come out , we see if there is someone smoking an outsize cigar , with a copy of the Guardian under his / her arm , and that's our man / woman !
Genius !
lol
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Comment number 25.
At 17th Jul 2009, CurtainJerker wrote:OK. I went back and refreshed my memory as to "JimCig"'s antics, to see what had galvanised Spirit into this prolonged campaign to coax him out of retirement.
The back and forth with Fraser was quite entertaining, but seriously, I don't see the attraction in trolling. Fair enough, I've been known to insult/patronise people on message boards too, but it's so much more satisfying when there's a point of principle at stake. But just going "you're rubbish!" for the sake of garnering some attention really is just lame.
Was funny though when that Softchews girl (?) was trying to reason with him, and he just wasn't having any of it.
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Comment number 26.
At 17th Jul 2009, spirit wrote:Rest assured Curtains , there is method in the madness...
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