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Alexandra Burke - 'The Silence'

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Fraser McAlpine | 10:08 UK time, Sunday, 12 December 2010

Alexandra Burke

It's OK, Alexandra, you can come out now. No point in skulking around the lower reaches of the charts for weeks on end, with your download sales and your softly-softly-catchee-monkey stealth attack on the Top 10, when you're effectively melting faces with that heat-blast of a throat.

We know you're there, we can hear you from Timbuktu to Tiverton, you're rattling the paint off the walls in any case, so you might as well come out and say hello to everyone.

What's that? You're a little too upset to be friendly right now? You're all caught up in emoting, and wailing, and attempting to dissolve your bad boyfriend using the erosive power of bellowing alone? Well, alrighty then, you go for it...

Ber-LIME-y, you ARE fed up, aren't you chicken? That man you're shouting at has left you in a serious funk, hasn't he? And you're clearly in a place where it's become necesarry to scream your aggravation to the uncaring clouds above, in order to take the lid off of quite a lot of pent-up frustration. And you've brought some friends along too, to form a choir. I'm guessing they will largely be women who have similar problems with their menfolk, if their rolling, boiling harmonies are anything to go by.

Luckily there are men in your life you can rely on. That RedOne, for example. Look how supportive he has turned out to be. He's only gone and made you a sympathetic, synthetic, symphonic sonic comfort zone in which you can express these troubled feelings in total safety and without fear of mockery. He's furnished it with soft, peaceful colours, very tastefully done. Nothing too bright and intrusive, apart from one clod-hopping drum beat. That's a true friend, right there.

I wonder, though. If your man did suddenly turn around and say "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were this upset. I DO love you after all", well would that make everything alright? What kind of relationship do you have if you have to throw a tantrum quite this big in order to get some affection? A rubbish one, that's what.

OK? Feel better now? *hugs*

Right, off you pop then.

Three starsDownload: Out now


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(Fraser McAlpine)

"Her voice certainly has matured, sounding stronger and richer than when she was a contestant on the show."

"I expected a lot more from the video though. At least the song is good.."

Kat says: "aggrosantos"

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