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I hate waking up with a dead arm, but I've never had a man who makes his own clothes stick one of his needle in it thou. Sounds dangerous.
I think you should deffinately see a doctor, if Phillip makes his own clothes its unlikely the needle was clean. You might have HIV or some other dangerous blood disease.

P.S it doesn't sound like your editor likes you very much.

still never mind you might be dead soon.

I dont think theres anything sexy about having somebody elses arm - my ex girlfriends arm has been in my freezer for months now and frankly it does nothing for me by way of arousement. The head in my fridge however has many positive attributes...

The_All_Killing_Guy

When a relationship goes wrong its always nice to keep a momento of the love you once shared, most people keep cards or photos,
next you'll be telling me a part of her will be close to your heart forever. my only question would be which piece?
If you like (the) head my advice would be to post the arm to Mark and put the Head in the freezer. Make sure you let it thaw properly thou.

WhiteEnglishProud

For the record, the part i keep closest IS the head, closely followed by the arm, and then the left foot - which i keep hidden under the patio for keepsake.
The rest of the bits are dotted around various parts of Essex forestry.

I may well post the arm to Mark - frankly im starting to get paranoid that the neighbours have noticed that shes missing, and it would appear he may get some more use out of it before the decay kicks in. Everyones a winner.

David.

Of course he didn't read it he was too busy sticking needles in his numb arm.

The_All_Killing_Guy

Mark will tell you that Paranoia is a side effect of copious drug use, however in your circumstances i can understand the feeling. The best way to ensure that you neighbours arn't worring about you is to make them worry about something else. Maybe you shoul get Philip with his needles to move in next door the otherside of them.

Thanks for the concern but Phillip's led a far too boring a life to have any dangerous blood diseasease. Dave loves me though, he's just playing hard to get. Aren't you Dave?

Mark,

Your skirting the issue here - do you want this arm or not?! Its been in a jiffy bag on my coffee table for 2 days now ready to post on your request...

Frankly its starting to smell really bad and its running out of usage time. Please reply ASAP - theres a suspicious unmarked van outside my house with a big aerial on the roof and i found a recording device in my cornflake box this morning.

Time is of the essence...

Thanks

Mark

Glad to hear you going to be ok. I was a bit worried there.
However I think you deffinately living in denial about your relationship with Dave. Acceptance is the first stage of dealing with the issue.

The_All_Killing_Guy

Sounds like the parania is really kicking in today. Did you have another binge last nite? Either your a very sick man (i assume you could be a lesbian i suppose) or your in an advanced state of Schizophrenia or probably both.

I would guess Mark has no intrest in you Ex-girlfiends arm but I might be wrong. Besides I thought it was your second most precious possession.

Well possession is 9 tenths of the law my friend, and as precious as it is to me, i cant go back to prison - the last time left me with some awful memories. I didnt realise the offences i was there on would have caused such uproar and ridicule among my fellow inmates...

Which is why im trying to get rid of it without destroying it - if its going to bring joy to anybody else before it disintegrates than it can only be a good thing. Its what she would have wanted...

FYI, if i was a lesbian, i would have serious infection issues from severed hand usage - if you get my drift...

The_All_Seeing_Eye

if i was a lesbian, i would have serious infection issues from severed hand usage

This I understand but your appeared mental state does not mean that this is not a possibility

Do you mean the possibility of infection or the fact that underneath my dungarees there may infact be a lady part that i have been unaware of since birth?

Because thats ludicrous my friend. However, the infection question does make one wonder, as iv had a terrible itch since the hand went purple - coincidence?

Anyway, stop trying to delve into my pshyche. Is that you in the van outside? With the Dick Tracey style overcoat on? I need to know - your making me paranoid. Well, more than normal anyway. Failure to comply will only result in your downfall

Maybe it is maybe it isn't!

Maybe your mind has become so addled by syphilis that your seeing things that arn't really there?

Or maybe its all just paranoid dementia and its all in your head.

I guess the only way to know for sure is if Mark asks for the Arm and recieves it. Mind you be careful when you post it. Remember it could be me outside waiting for you to go and post it. Sooner or later your going to have to take a chance.

P.S What offence caused uproar and ridicule among your fellow inmates. I could do with a good laugh

1."Remember it could be me outside waiting for you to go and post it. Sooner or later your going to have to take a chance."

I have a courier coming at midday - once it becomes UPS's problem im on the first plane to the Phillipines (Isnt that where most offenders seek refuge these days?).
I tried to put an arm into a postbox before - the bone creaks and frankly its a bit grim. Besides, i dont wish to seep fluid onto some poor kids birthday card from Aunt Muade, or obscure the figures on somebodies tax return. Thats just not on, i'd never forgive myself.

2."What offence caused uproar and ridicule among your fellow inmates. I could do with a good laugh."

Read between the lines to answer 1 - the clue is in my destination of choice. Though im only going for relaxation purposes this time - Phillipino prisons are no joke.

Sick, say hi to jacko for me

SHAM'ON MOFO