成人论坛

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience.

1. Half of 15 year olds drink alcohol every week.

2. George Alagiah's surname is actually pronounced "ullerhiya".

3. The InterCity 125 train was designed by the same man who came up with the angle-poise lamp and Kenwood Chef mixer.

4. Pavements are tested using an 80 square metre artificial pavement at a research centre called Pamela (the Pedestrian Accessibility and Movement Environment Laboratory).

5. Acorns are toxic to ponies and cattle (but not to the pigs brought into the New Forest to feast on the fruits).

6. Cyclists in the UK can be prosecuted for "furious cycling".

7. Russian premier Khrushchev's favourite dish was stinging nettle soup.

8. Areas of ice the size of Turkey have disappeared from the Arctic in a single year.

9. Overseas student numbers around the world have doubled in a decade to 2.7 million students.

10. A common American poplar has twice as many genes as a human being.

[Sources, where stories are not linked - 2: Guardian, 8 September; 5: Times, 14 September; 6: Guardian, 12 September.] Thanks to Alan Chesterman for sending the picture.

Got any news news facts for 10 things? Send them using the form on the right of the page.

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I'm totally enraged about today's story that it's been suggested the . Not because I think it's OK to get plastered and drive home, but as someone who worked behind a bar for six years I've seen a great deal more gentlemen of, shall we say, 'more advanced years' sinking three or four whiskeys in half an hour and waddling out to their jalopy and on to the next pub. But of course that's OK - they've been doing it for years.
Paul, Portishead, England

Is Al Gore's film really ? Surely we all agree that nuclear apolocalypse flick "Threads" made by the good old 成人论坛 retains this title. With its 80s hair and fashions (and featuring the Sheffield egg-box council building) it gets more and more terrifying as years go by.
John Coulthard, Bath, UK

Not wanting to sound like a pedant or even a trainspotter, but in the story about the , you appear to have published a picture of a Class 91 and mark 4 coaches (also known as the Inter City 225), complete with electric pantograph (we all know from the noise of a 125 that they are diesel powered), over the caption 'The little train that could' (excuse the quotations!). I'm sure the Magazine is completely au fait with British locomotive nomenclature, and that this is just a brief oversight. Say it is, and my faith will be restored.
Chris W, Wales, UK

Conspiracy or coincidence 鈥� the is based around a shade of blue that's unnervingly similar to the Magazine's chosen new palette.
Maurice Day, Bootle

Re the Tory logo: Am I the only one to think it looks like an ostrich?
Snoop, Barcelona, Spain

Sorry, but I like the new Tory logo *blush*
Angela H, Worthing, UK

I don't know why I'm so perturbed by the headline ' Who tells the Prime Minister off? Who gives the Prime Minister a telling-off? It's almost enough to make me wish Alastair Campbell were still doing it.
James Kingham, Chelmsford, Essex

Some of those Caption Competition entries were pretty dire.
I have a newfound respect for the Monitor after reading all 237 of them. If it weren't for the teal, I don't think I would have made it.
Evan, London UK

What shall I do on this fine Friday afternoon? Read all the caption comp entries, 6 down, 237 to go. It's going to be a great afternoon. Good work MM!! We should start a vote on the worst 6 entries now we can see them all.
Steve K, Fraserburgh, Scotland

The woman answering the door in is gorgeous. Who is she?
Joel, Nottingham

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It's time for the caption competition results.

This week, toddler Phoebe Cordy plays at the Sense and Sensuality exhibition at Bankside Gallery in London, which encourages visitors to use all five senses to experience art.

Here are the winning entries. We were getting ahead of ourselves when we promised a vote. But you can see the runners-up (losers) by clicking the word Comments.

6. "And this one brings down the fire wall"
David Slater

5. Coming Soon to 成人论坛 17: The Eleventh Doctor, played by adorable Maggie Tweeden-Overbite, battles the evil Mr Trousers and his vast recyclotron.
Tim Francis-Wright

4. Welcome to the Ridley Scott Daycare Centre
Candace

3. Tony Blair regretted his appearance on CBeebies' "World's Strongest Toddler"
Gareth Jones, Anglesey

2. Arrrggghhh: Not Tubular Bells again!!!!
Bert Fletcher

1. "Man, this new formula Calpol is just, like, totally out there..."
Sue

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

What do the papers make of the Conservative Party鈥檚 new logo, the 拢40,000 sketch of an oak tree replacing the torch of liberty introduced by Margaret Thatcher (the flames of which are uncannily reminiscent of her famous 鈥榙o)?

鈥淚s it a smudge? A child鈥檚 scribble?... While the concept of the oak tree has proved popular, the portrayal chosen has aroused disappointment,鈥� says the Times, after canvassing opinion among party faithful.

Another writes on the ConservativeHome discussion site: 鈥淚t looks like it鈥檚 been drawn, then scrubbed out. Like the Tories can鈥檛 make up their minds.鈥�

The Daily Mirror also reprints comments from the site, such as 鈥淢y daughter said, 鈥楧id David Cameron give his baby a crayon?鈥欌��

And that bible of Middle England, the Daily Mail, cannot disguise its glee at the opprobrium heaped upon it, such as 鈥淓ton mess鈥濃�� 鈥渓ooks like someone wrote something rude and it was scribbled out鈥�.

Those of a delicate disposition may wish to look away as the paper canvasses opinions of Tory grandees 鈥� among them Lord Bell of Belgravia: 鈥淚 am loath to say it鈥檚 crap because I cannot believe this is it鈥� 鈥� and style guru Peter York: 鈥淚t is the most inexplicable, fuzzy-wuzzy bit of logoism possible.鈥�

But the Daily Telegraph plays it with a straight bat, describing the logo as 鈥渁n impressionistic doodle鈥�. The only hint of criticism comes from Lord Tebbit, who when it was first mooted likened it to 鈥渁 bunch of broccoli".

Incidentally, Paper Monitor picked up a copy of London Lite on the way home yesterday. Christina in curlers, spot-the-difference games... Suddenly Metro looks rather classy.

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Yesterday's Daily Mini-Quiz asked which genre of music fan was found to be the most mild mannered? The answer: fans of musicals, who showed lower levels of drug taking and criminal activity than opera lovers or the easy listening crowd. Well done to the 41% who got it right. Today's DMQ is on the .

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Your story in the politics section reads . May I suggest that, to avoid readers' disappointment, stories like this are in future titled according to this structure: "Johnson (not Boris) calls for Labour 'unity'".
Paul Taylor, Manchester, UK

With regards to the infamous Sudan Goat story, I am reminded of a stock phrase from my childhood "Leave it alone, and it will go away". The less we talk about it, and link to it, the quicker people will stop reading it. Oh dear.
Dan Wilkinson, Chesterfield UK

...and then the Sudanese man said: "That was no goat, that was my wife!"
Nick Jones, Dorking, UK

- a candidate for 10 Things We (Men) already knew?
Evan, London, UK

You can always when it has a man in a costume.
James Hayward, Eindhoven, The Netherlands

Paper Monitor asks what to do with unwanted giveaway wallcharts. I was at a meeting on Tuesday evening, where the projector screen was formed from a number of these wall charts...
Matthew Pettitt, Manchester, UK

You could always cover an elephant with .
Edward Higgins, Plumstead.

Just wondered how long it would be before a newspaper produced a wall chart of the greatest ever DVD give-aways?
One Eyed Owl, Dorset

I'm hoping for a jolly colourful wallchart about 2 inches by 8 feet to put over the right hand side of my screen (covering the blank space).
Peter, Milton Keynes

The instructions on my pack of frozen prawns insist that I defrost them overnight, and also that I eat them on the day of defrosting. Help, my head hurts!
Maria, Glasgow

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Alternative uses for your free wall-chart, pt1...

Paper Monitor understands not all wall-chart aficionados are playing by the rules, spying opportunities in these thick, glossy giveaways that have no relation whatsoever to their intended educational purpose. Wrapping paper for example 鈥� for which today's Guardian offering, depicting the wild flowers of Britain, would be ideal. Another suggested use is as a temporary floor mat to sit on in a crowded commuter train where all the seats have been taken.

PM would like to hear of any further unintended uses. Just tell us using the post form at the top right-hand-side of this page.

With all this wall-chart waywardness, where else can today's children go to find out about the world? The Daily Mail reports on the return after 24 years of the children's annual Look and Learn, "once Britain's most successful children's illustrated educational magazine".

But only towards the end of story does it reveal that in fact the re-launch will simply be a re-hash of old articles that appeared in L&L the first time round. "There will be no new material post 1982," says the Mail. Leading PM to envisage today's young things left bewildered by a screed of articles about the Cold War, Prince Charles' happy marriage to Diana, Princess of Wales, and, instead of the launch of the new BMW Mini, covered in, among others, today's Daily Express, news of an exciting new dawn in motoring 鈥� the unveiling of the Austin Mini Metro.

What next: an interview with that queen of 70s prime time poetry Pam Ayres? Ahh (see Daily Express pp 40&41)...

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Noting that the popular light entertainment duo Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly had taken out an insurance policy in the event of either one dying, Wednesday's Daily Mini-Quiz politely inquired which other double act had done a similar thing. The answer: Abbott and Costello 鈥� but the most popular choice was Morecambe and Wise, netting 50%. Today's new DMQ is on the .

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I can't help but notice that the infamous story is still the most popular e-mailed story (Monitor Letters, last Thursday)? Seeing as how this story was originally published in February, I'm assuming that there is a concerted effort by persons unknown to ensure its position? If this is not the case, I apologise, but if it is, can not some system be put in place to prevent this from happening? It is getting a bit boring now...
Tim, Middleton

Re ... There is most definitely a market for "safety helmets" with a long grey wig for all us bald-as-a- coot motorcycling pensioners. I already use one and it is great fun when I stop at the services for a petrol top-up and a bite to eat... It is very amusing when I lift my hair off.
Dave Harding,, Abingdon, England, U/K.

Replying to Steven's critique of Phillip Pullman (Monitor Letters, last Thursday). The offstage sex scene was actually an on-page kiss. And anyway the really important was the fruit. It's all a metaphor/ commentary for the Bible and organised religion but, you know, for kids... and with talking polar bears.
Neil, Japan

Re Robert Page's query (Monitor Letters, Tuesday) - the reason for the potentially huge inheritance tax bill faced by the Misses Burden is that the property they own is allegedly currently valued at 拢875,000 - and presumably not shown in the picture accompanying the article. Assuming the death of the surviving sister (who would at that point own the whole property) was before next April when the threshold increases to 拢300,000, after deducting the current nil rate band of 拢285,000 the property alone would be liable to inheritance tax of 拢236,000, let alone any other assets they may own which were also taxable.
Rebecca Bond, Sunny Eastbourne

Is the most misleading headline of the week?
Tom, Guernsey

Could please let me know if he solved his Daddy-long-legs problem, and if so, how. I've got a houseful of them now.
Simon Robinson, Birmingham, UK

Combining two recent threads, the best way to order two drinks each containing gin and tonic is to vocalise two 'gin and tonic's. Accompanied by the mid air action of drawing inverted commas of course.
Andy, Redditch

"I ordered no curtains" (Magazine's Quote of the Day, Tuesday). Surely Cherie would have been better not ordering curtains, than specifically ordering no curtains.
James, UK

Working late. I never realised that the cleaners dust all the computer screens
Kate, Manchester, UK

AND YET MORE FEEDBACK ON OUR NEW TRENDY WINE BAR LOOK

Apologies for being late to party, but, due to the new format my computer refused to display the new MM. 2 days without my daily fix, it has been awful! I have, however, told it off very firmly, and finally arrived. I would like to say that the new decor is very plain. But I like it.
rachel, cambridge

Can we have a Bring Back the Left Navbar vote/campaign? Pretty Please with Kudos on top?
Bas, London

Sorry, but yet another comment about the new website. I can't get to the Magazine Monitor anymore on my PDA!

Niki Odolphie, Frome, Somerset(Monitor note to Odolphie: We're working on it, though www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor doesn't look too bad on our nifty PDA)

Why doesn't the 成人论坛 News logo link back to the main news page, in the interests of sanity? Did you pay $35000 for this web design, or $35?
James, Rhuddlan, Denbighshire(Good point, thank you. The link is being made as we speak.)

I see from your Madonna letter, that the 成人论坛 site is now displaying at an angle, but I don't see it like that. Should I adjust my monitor?
ian,

As an idea, could we have a weekly competition in which readers submit a new design for MM, and we have a public vote on it (which would include the none-of-the-above option)?
Lester Mak, London

I have to say I nearly cried when I saw the new monitor. It reminded me of the time I went back home after I'd moved out, and mum had redecorated what used to be my bedroom. I didn't like that and I don't like the new monitor sob :o(
Liz, Dublin, Ireland

Ah, poor MM. Are all the nasty people saying bad things about you? Oh dear. Do you want a cuddle?
Gareth, Tokyo, Japan

All this moaning about it being 'all over on the left' and 'half my screen is empty'. Why don't you try unmaximising (I think that's a word...) your browser and dragging the right edge of the window over so I just reaches the porridge coloured bar, then you can stick the window anywhere you like on the screen with no white space. Incidentally, for those you have 19" huge resolution screens and moan about the width of web pages, just remember that there are still loads of people out there with older PCs that have no more than SVGA screen settings, and for them the 成人论坛 site will fit perfectly. End of rant, ooooh, I do so get annoyed sometimes... P.S. MM, you've never looked better!
Martin, High Wycombe, UK

Dear Grumpy of Gibraltar... click one to Magazine same as before... click 2 on cute little icon beneath fab Teal banner for MM... VOILA ! To return? Back to that gorgeous colour banner for Mag link on top right... or Back Button?? maybe?? 3 clicks to dip in and out! Please retain instructions for future use. Yours Complete of Cricklewood. PS What's Firefox.. is it hot? would I like it?
K8, London

It might look like a trendy wine bar, but you can't select (for copy and paste) a line of text any more.
bob, cheshire.(Monitor note: Yes, good point, and we're looking at it, though this only seems to happen in Internet Explorer. Firefox is cut-and-pastable.)

Thanks for the links allowing us to view all the entries for Punorama. Some were hysterical.
Abby, London

Sorry
for all
the empty
space on
the right
of this
note.
Seems to
be catching.
Lc8neal, Aberdeen

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The rules are simple. We choose a news story, and you write a punning headline for it.

This week, which has been driving round Brighton giving lifts to folk. Now Burberry, with the help of m'learned friends, has complained about breach of copyright, and the vehicle is being redesigned. Your extra task this week was to invent a headline without using the word chavrolet.

Judge's verdict

Lots to play with this week. But as ever, while tortuously complicated headlines might have the superficial novelty of a matching beige checked pram cover and poodle coat, the real class is displayed by those with an eye for simplicity.

Go naffer stripes, suggests Rob Falconer. Sue Le Taxi, says Lee Pike. Tuk Boxed says Nigel Macarthur.

Simon Rooke has a good thing going, with A tuk of the clones, Hackneyed carriage and Taxi rank (and, thanks to our new functionality allowing you to "check" all the other entries by clicking the link below, you'll see they weren't the only entries from the Rookemeister).

It was good to read Burberry apes from Helene Parry, Blight on breach of copyright from O.G Nash, and Down and out in Burberry ills from Candace, if only because it shows that old friends of this parish have not been scared off by the advent of Monitor 2.0.

But there's one winner at the head of the queue who will get home in comfort rather than having to rely on the magic scooter: Nick Jones with Tacky cab.

(Click here to see all the losing entries, because that's what they are.)

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

If a picture paints a thousand words, do 450-plus 鈥� 200 if you discount the repeated use of the phrases 鈥渁 gram鈥�, 鈥渁 rock鈥�, 鈥渟peedballing鈥� and 鈥渄rug-related deaths鈥� - sketch out the message that WE鈥橰E ALL DOOMED?

Yes, it鈥檚 another splash-stats front page on the Independent (Gloucester, it tells us, has the cheapest cannabis, cocaine and crack in the UK. Handy real estate advice, that.)

Meanwhile, it鈥檚 day three in the Sun鈥檚 鈥済lobal warning鈥� week. And it appears to have finished. The closest thing to an environmental story is: 鈥淎USSIES MASSACRE STINGRAYS TO AVENGE CROC HUNTER STEVE鈥�.

And, like all environmental stories, the same gruesome tale features in the Indy too. Albeit under a very different headline. And the Indy doesn鈥檛 call the alleged perpetrators 鈥測obs鈥�, as the Sun does in its story.

Perhaps picking up the baton dropped by the Sun, the Dailies Express and Telegraph read the last rites for the rambling roses and annual borders of the English country garden, under threat as temperatures rise. Both pieces are lavishly illustrated with classy desert-style gardens in the South-East. Tres chic. But where oh where, to pick on the DT鈥檚 current 鈥渓ost childhood鈥� obsession, will the kiddies play?

Ooooo! Ooooo! And in further news from the Indy, fans of The Hoff (if you don鈥檛 know, you obviously ain鈥檛 one) wanting to get up close and personal with their idol 鈥� so tall, so tanned, so wise 鈥� need only be at the North End branch of Croydon鈥檚 Woolworths.

Paper Monitor will be first in the queue.

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Tuesday's mini-question asked how much did Nike's logo cost to design, given that it has just concluded a dispute over using Hackney council's. A very respectable 62% of you were right when you said $35 - that was paid to student Carol Davidson in 1971. Another 14% said $35,000 and 23% said 355,500. Today's question is on the now.

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I read the story about the . The report claimed the surviving sister, whichever that was, could be faced with a bill of "several hundred thousand pounds" but the picture in the report showed a row of terraced houses, although the report stated they lived on a farm estate. It did not make clear why the bill would be of such a size.
Robert Page, Peterborough

Philip Pullman is among those who have , including such horrors as 'dressing them like "mini adults"'. Can this be the same Philip Pullman whose celebrated trilogy of novels ends with a mystically significant (albeit offstage) sex scene involving a twelve-year-old?
Steven, Cambridge

Despite it being a balmy 17C in Moscow and the locals out in short-sleeves, reconfirming cultural stereotypes in her choice of outfit:
John Coulthard, Bath, UK

Does the Trees of Britain (Paper Monitor, Tuesday) wallchart still include the elm?
Kate, Oxford, UK

So cycle helmets protect the head in an accident, and a long blond wig ensures motorists give the cyclist more room (). The obvious conclusion is that there is a market for cycle helmets with an attached long blond wig.
Gavin Dibb, East Stour, England

Re: . Had the world in fact ended, they wouldn't have been around to be disappointed. A win-win situation if ever there was one.
Elle, Englefield Green, Surrey

I disagree with Jacob of London about 成人论坛 news's use of inverted commas (Monitor Letters, Monday). "'Funeral' held for Steve Irwin" would imply that he didn't have a funeral as such; "'Funeral held' for Steve Irwin" can only mean "It has been reported that Steve Irwin's funeral has been held", which was the story the 成人论坛 published.
Chris, London, UK

This probably doesn't apply in Steve Irwin's case, but usually the 成人论坛 likes to use inverted commas so they can draw you in with sensational headlines that appear to be factual, but then say they were only quoting someone elses claim.
Steve, Jersey

I 'think' an inverted commas watch should definitely be started. Although we only have initial reports that I think this and we can't confirm it at the present time.
Sam, London

It's all good and well knowing How to say Montenegro , but I really think the inaugural Pronunciation of the Week should have been 'orthoepist'. Sorry for the inverted commas.
Evan, London, UK

Dear Monitor - you'll always be my first love, but I don't suppose Sarah from London left a phone number did she?
Gus, London

AND SOME MORE THOUGHTS ON THE NEW LOOK MONITOR AND MAGAZINE:

Awww, come on now MM. Having "blog" in your title has got you blocked at my school. Now what am I going to read! Nice look though. Just please change the address!
Jess

For some reason, and I couldn't say why, the new format is much harder to read/process for a reader with dyslexia. Dont like it at all.
E, liverpool

Re: Your blue bits. I used to have a Biba eyeshadow this shade, it was called airforce blue. So you could call it bibaretro(blue). Was the font chosen by a commitee or is someone prepared to stand up and be pilloried?
Vicky, East London

I think the new look is hideous - just-another-blog-spot-type blog Hideous. What happened to professional journalism and page layout, etc?
Henri, SIDCUP

The Monitor looks much better when I have the my favourites bar down the left hand side. It makes the main section in the middle and the right hand column on the right hand side. Makes a much more enjoyable viewing experience!
Tasha

I've just come back from a week in Sardina. As if coming back to work wasn't traumatic enough...what have you done to yourself?!!! Oh MM I'll never leave you again if this is what happens you poor mite.
Alice , Hitchin

Sorry, the new look does not do it for me !
Chris, Newbury, UK

I notice that along with a new look, you have also been moved into the 'blogs' category. Isn't this a little unfair, after all unlike most blogs the Monitor is actually worth reading.
Kieran, Derby

Nope, sorry. Given it 2 days now and can't stand the new look. It's awful in Firefox, and a fiddly amount of clicking is required to get back to the news home page. I'm scrolling about like a lunatic trying to find things so much I've got RSI. I'm handing back my membership as of today.
Ian Bonham, Gibraltar

New look? The layout might be an improvement once we get used to it. But the look and design? Far too bog standard blog, and one days worth of content covers almost nine pages. Don't like it at all :-(
Lianne, Glasgow

Re:new look Monitor : OK now I'm used to it it's OK - but you had me worried for a bit - I couldn't find the letters! My favourite bit! (even though you never publish my letters)
Naomi, UK

I still don't like it :(
Imogen, London

Dear dear MM, you know how the saying goes - pride comes before a fall! I trust that now the software is working us reader won't be catching you looking in any more shop windows! :)
Emma Dallas, Hull, UK

Forgot to mention - like the new look, but why do web page designers persist in a portrait page when everyone has landscape screens? I'm using IE, on a 21" screen and have a 6" wide blank portion to the right of the MM page
Christine Bowles, Milton Keynes, England

Do you mean the colour at the top, or the colour at the side - the top colour looks petrol coloured and the side colour looks porridge coloured. Of course the debate over colour could run and run - different monitors have different colour resolutions.
Christine Bowles, Milton Keynes

R.I.P. old MM. Teal death do us part.
Lee Pike, Cardiff, UK

This will all take some getting used to, but it's the quality of the features that are important, not the overall look. At least, that's what I tell myself everytime I look in the mirror.
Robin, Edinburgh

Could the new Monitor not have looked more like Microsoft Outlook or a similar populist office product to disguise its presence during office hours.
Will, Switzerland

Monitor, you are looking yummy these days. Are you single?
Helen, Stevenage, UK

All my favourite things are Teal... my fabulous 'I can't stop wearing it' new Top, my racy, adorable, sexy car and now MM - aahhh...my life is complete ...
K8, London

Well it may be a whizzy new monitor with loads of bells and whistles, but you still don't print my letters.
James, Luton

I don't like the new moniter - it makes my eyes hurt.
Me, Peterborough

Hmmm a new look MM. I must be of a certain age now. I can't figure out the change, can't see the need for the change and didn't particularly want the change. I feel socially excluded now. Does anyone want to take my kids away?
Pip, kettering

Argh! What have you done to MM. It is like going to your desk and finding that someone has tidied it up. Visually neater but lacking in atmosphere. Everything is in its proper place but nothing is where you want it!
Jan Podsiadly, Croydon

For MM readers not sure what to do with the free 50% of screen space below the "成人论坛 Blog Network" section, why not stick your cut-out pastries from a few weeks back? These could be exchanged for an advent calendar display at Christmas if MM was agreeable to making downloadable doors that we could stick over a series of festive images.

Neil Moir, Aberdeen

The new layout is okay, but can you get rid of the not-quite-double-spacing? I've never understood why blogs insist on using it.
Ben Paddon, Luton, England

I like the new look, but can anyone tell me where the toilets are?
Robin, Edinburgh

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Chartism, Eng Hist, n 鈥� political and social reform movement with progressive left-leaning associations; Wall-chartism, n, 21st Century derivation, 鈥� fad for handing out free wall charts, chiefly practised by left-leaning newspapers, in a seeming bid to win over competitive parents.

Yes, the Guardian and the Independent are slugging it out again in the wall-chart wars. Today's offering from the former depicts the "Trees of Britain", although given the summer drought, children would doubtless struggle to recognise these splendidly verdant examples when compared to the droopy yellowing species that populate many a park and garden Down South. And, come to think of it, how many arboreal beauties will have been sacrificed to make all these wall charts?

The Indy, meanwhile, offers a Guide to Our Solar System wall chart. Full marks to the paper for including the recent re-classification of Pluto, and the rider that states "Sizes of planets and distances from the Sun are not to scale" might seem a tad obvious, but given the Indy's zeal for global warming stories of late, its readers will appreciate the notice.

All this is wholesome, educative stuff compared to the free DVDs that are being dished out by the tabloids at the moment. And Paper Monitor can't help but wonder how tomorrow's Daily Mail 鈥� which has given away truck-loads of kids' DVDs in recent months - plans to follow up today's Daily Telegraph lead about how modern childhood is blighted by junk culture, a symptom of which is watching too much TV.

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It's almost a morality tale for our times. Yesterday the Monitor moves into its fancy new format, all excited and trying to catch a glimpse of itself in shop windows to see if it looks attractive. Today, the software breaks and puts things back for three hours. Snapdragons.

Never mind, everything's working now, and there's just time to say that in Monday's Daily Mini-Quiz, 48% of you thought that the pupils at Brighton College would be having compulsory lessons in critical thinking. But you were wrong. The correct answer was Mandarin.

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For some weeks the expert of the 成人论坛 Pronunciation Unit have been advising readers of The Editors blog on how to say some of the trickier words and names in the news.

We're glad to welcome them to the Monitor, their new home. Here Lena Olausson explains how to say Montenegro, where there were elections over the weekend.

"The usual pronunciation in English is mon-ti-NEEG-roh. This is the pronunciation listed first in our English pronouncing dictionaries, and the one recommended by the Embassy of Serbia and Montenegro when we consulted them earlier this year. An alternative, mon-ti-NEG-roh, is also quite common, but not the native pronunciation, as some think. The Montenegrin name is Crna Gora, pronounced TSUR-naa GORR-uh."

(For a guide to our phonetic pronunciations, click here. For more on the Pronunciation Unit, click here.)

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Am I the only person 'annoyed' by the tendency of the 成人论坛 news 'website' to put 'everything' in 'inverted commas', whether warranted or not? The latest egregious 'example' is the headline . It sort of implies that he didn't actually have a funeral, when I think you'll find that's exactly what occurred.
Jacob, London

It was interesting to read that the model railway market in Germany is six times larger than in the UK (re 10 Things). I bet they always run on time, as well.
Mike , Newcastle upon Tyne

Re Anna Smajdor's opinion in viewing the (and no, I wouldn't watch it myself). My Scottish granny always refers to "nature raw in tooth and claw" rather than "Nature red in tooth and claw". Sounds much more appropriate.
Margaret, Christchurch, NZ

Re Gus from London's pluralisation of Metropolis to Metropoli, I'd like to mention that the word means "mother city" (from the Hellenic tendency to form new colonies overseas, then reminisce about their old home town). If you're going to correct people on the use of metropolis, you should really use the proper plural - metropoleis. Metropoli would be a Latin plural...
Sarah, London

On the Steve Irwin video article, the poll clearly suggest that more people would watch the video than would not, yet all but one of the comments posted are against the release of the video.
Henry Hayes, London, England

Surely the definition of a metropolis is "City where Superman lives," in which case I don't think any cities in the UK qualify. Unless of course Ken Livingstone has powers that we don't yet know about.
Andrew, Nottingham, UK

Does anyone recall the stories about the and other such confectionary 'to save lives'? Well, the reason for the departures turns out to have made space for some new delights - the Duo. That's right, TWO Mars bars in one packet, weighing even more than a King size used to.
Basil Long, Newark Notts

PLUS, THOUGHTS ABOUT THE NEW-STYLE MONITOR

Oh dear MM, this is rather nice. Yes, yes. Very nice.
Jennifer

Loving the makeover, MM - you look 10 years younger.
Blackwood

Liking the new outfit MM!
Andy

Argh! First the local supermarket rearranges everything "for my convenience" and then you go do the same.
Clare

Have to hand it to you MM, the new look is great. One trusts that you have rewarded yourself with the appropriate number of requisite pastry-based treats for a job well done.
DS

I've been away for a month building hospices in Lesotho, can someone tell me what happened to the Monitor?!
Kate

I'm afraid the new look of The Monitor is about as visually appealing as a summons sent by Telex.
Kieran Boyle

I would call the Magazine's new colour "Teal" because that's what it is. Why not have a vote on it?
Pix6

It's Monday and frankly I'm slightly disturbed by the new Monitor. It used to be all homely like porridge, now it looks all sleek and clinical like a multi-vitamin tablet. (Look how it's forced me into stretched analogies) At least the Express is still consistent with its Diana cover story.
James

It's all well and good for the new look, however it's now very annoying that everything is squashed to the left side of my screen (I'm using Firefox). The right-hand side form is straight down the middle. Aaa the wonders of Frames and content management systems!
NickW

Please can we have our Monitor back?
R J Tysoe

I checked your new corporate colour against my Martha Stewart color swatches. It's "psittacosic teal".
Chris

Yay! A URL I can make a homepage without having to change it weekly.
Ed Loach

Not bad, found my favourites easily and like the easier access to the blogs. However the Letters section is a bit odd with 'Your Letters' boldly printed above each letter. Is the '•' at the start of some letters a comment on the content or sadly just an HTML coding error?
Jeremy Stevenson

I don't like it.
Dan

I take it back. I do like it.
Phil

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Welcome to the new-look Magazine Monitor which, after a stable and orderly transition, is now open for business.

One of the benefits of this regime change are that clicking the icons on the right-hand-side will take you to archives for each feature, eg: a collection of all caption competitions. This is surely a good thing.

Another is that there are RSS feeds of the Monitor, or of individual features. Or even better, you could use , which will include the three most recent Monitor features.

But apart from those changes, it will be pretty much business as usual. Submit letters in the usual fashion, please, using the form on the right hand side of the page. Blog-style comments will be open on items which lend themselves to comments, such as Punorama, but otherwise the daily routine of quiz results, Paper Monitor and Your Letters will continue like finely tuned clockwork. Except sometimes on Thursdays.

And there will be some new features too, including, later today, Pronunciation of the Week, which joins the Monitor having had a very successful run on The Editors, our sister blog.

You might have noticed a few changes on the Magazine itself, including the introduction of new colour, the name of which we're not quite sure. Any suggestions welcome - add your comments here and now, or send us a letter for later.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

鈥淭his is Chris Tarrant, he鈥檚 a forgetful man, he forgets because he doesn鈥檛 exercise his brain. He鈥檚 even forgotten his wedding anniversary, this is why he鈥檚 playing Dr Kawashima鈥檚 Brain Training.鈥�

So reads an advert appearing in Monday鈥檚 Independent, illustrated with a pensive looking Mr Tarrant. With consummate tabloid timing, Mr Tarrant also appears on the front page of the Daily Mirror, under the headline 鈥淭arrant and the bimbos鈥�, in which his wife defends him by saying 鈥淐hris was so drunk he wouldn鈥檛 know if he kissed anyone鈥�.

What? Even with Dr Kawashima鈥檚 Brain Training?

Elsewhere, the Daily Mirror is still engaged in its family-friendly theme, with the front page dominated by Babar the Elephant, the current DVD give-away, standing shoulder to shoulder with a 9/11 anniversary picture.

And the big news on page three is that Postman Pat鈥檚 early years are going to be revealed, in a Godfather-style retrospective film. This includes the nuggets that Greendale鈥檚 favourite son supports Pencaster United and is scared of heights.

Meanwhile the Independent is upping the stakes in the give-away poster war 鈥� by launching a double-sided poster, trees on one side, human skeleton on the reverse.

At least this means there will be more to look at on a poster than on the cover of the Independent, which has gone for one of its stat-attack front covers to mark 9/11. This looks like Big Knowledge meeting Clever Design until you actually read it and see it includes such dull details as 鈥�11: Weeks the 9/11 commission鈥檚 final report was top of New York Times鈥� non-fiction best-seller list.鈥�

The Guardian, on the principle four-legs good, six-legs better, has taken flight with its own poster campaign: Garden insects. They鈥檙e all there - ladybirds, beetles, earwigs, a damselfly 鈥� the whole gang. The coverage is comprehensive, right down to the ones with names that make less high-minded people snigger 鈥� such as 鈥渃ommon cockchafer鈥� (melolontha melolontha).

But this eco-awareness is blown away by what must be one of the least predictable campaigns to have emerged from the tabloids in recent years.

This is the Sun鈥檚 Global Warning week 鈥� with Monday鈥檚 paper packed with the type of apocalyptic global warming stories that we haven鈥檛 seen since 鈥� almost every edition of the Independent. There鈥檚 even a map showing most of Britain disappearing below rising water levels.

And who has the big picture by-line above 鈥�10 Years to save planet鈥�? It鈥檚 Al Gore, the Sun鈥檚 kind of fella. At the top of every page in the news section, there鈥檚 a green factoid: 鈥淭emperatures in Alaska, western Canada and eastern Russia have risen almost 4C in past 50 years 鈥� twice the global average.鈥�

The front page also pushes the green theme with a big picture of a cheerful family on a beach and the radical, eco-warrior message: 鈥淏e Green And Forget Going Abroad. 123 parks in the UK. Collect token token, page 23.鈥�

And it鈥檚 Monday, so the Daily Express has a front-cover picture of Princess Diana.

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