Paper Monitor
12:44 UK time, Wednesday, 4 March 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor just loves the celebrity comment that comes out of left field.
Last week a Magazine colleague quoted glam newsreader Emily Maitlis on the . Today it's the Times, which recruits Suggs to write about beekeeping. Yes, that Suggs. Him off Madness.
For his house had two hives on the roof, until the bees suddenly up and disappeared. "My wife was heartbroken," he notes.
Nor are Mr and Mrs Suggs the only hobby keepers to endure this calamity. A new report says the country's 20,000 amateurs must be trained to spot the diseases which can wipe out the workers vital to the UK's lucrative apple and pear crops. That's right, honeybees.
"The only stress was the time we had to retrieve them from next door's washing line, where they were found sitting in a row," Suggs writes.
Which does rather prompt the question, how does one "retrieve" bees? It also prompts Paper Monitor to wonder if there are any Madness honey/bee/insect puns - submissions please using the COMMENTS button below.
Meanwhile, the Daily Telegraph is in clover. It has yet another excuse to run a front page pic of Gail Trimble after her team was stripped of its University Challenge title. OK, this is actually down to her team mate breaking the rules, but he only warrants a photo a tenth the size of hers.
After all, she is everything the Telegraph could want in a woman. Oxbridge educated. Reading Latin. Demure. Just the type a captain of industry might want as his Girl Friday. And any minute she might shake out that bun and whip off those glasses...
Why Miss Trimble, you're... you're... beautiful!
The 
Comment number 1.
At 4th Mar 2009, georgehh wrote:Retrieving bees is not easy. you need to mount a sting operation, comb the area, and deploy a honeypot. anything else is madness.
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Comment number 2.
At 4th Mar 2009, DustinThyme wrote:Don't you just have to be careful - sorry I'll get my coat and hive off.
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Comment number 3.
At 4th Mar 2009, EnglishFolkfan wrote:"the Daily Telegraph is in clover"
were the DT drones hoping to have Ms Trimble as their new Queen Bee?
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Comment number 4.
At 4th Mar 2009, Richard wrote:One step beeyond.
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Comment number 5.
At 4th Mar 2009, bouji69 wrote:It must bee love.
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Comment number 6.
At 4th Mar 2009, papermonitor wrote:Paper Monitor would like to break into these puns to admit something terrible. It was Tuesday's Daily Telegraph which had Gail Trimble on the front, not today's. Oh the chagrin. TODAY'S picture of Gail Trimble is on page 23.
Now on with the punning.
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Comment number 7.
At 4th Mar 2009, Rhetorical Answer wrote:Obviously Punorama isn't back, but if it were I'd make some comment along the lines of "Bees not so sweet for Sugg-ar"
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Comment number 8.
At 4th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:Madness/bee puns, you say...
Stings of a Dove?
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Comment number 9.
At 4th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:Prince Buzz-ter?
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Comment number 10.
At 4th Mar 2009, Dodie James wrote:I like hiving in my car..
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Comment number 11.
At 4th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:The harder they comb.
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Comment number 12.
At 4th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:Uncle Swarm
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Comment number 13.
At 4th Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:To bees or not to bees, that is the question
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Comment number 14.
At 4th Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Where there's smoke, there's ire
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Comment number 15.
At 4th Mar 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:Suggs from Madness? Shouldn't they have contacted Brian May from Queen?
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Comment number 16.
At 4th Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Am I my burrow's keeper?
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Comment number 17.
At 4th Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:A hive five among the workers
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Comment number 18.
At 4th Mar 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:Or perhaps they could have contacted Margaret Thatcher, a peeress
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Comment number 19.
At 4th Mar 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:Paper Monitor certainly has something in its bonnet
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Comment number 20.
At 4th Mar 2009, Candace9839 wrote:What should I play on my iPod whilst removing bees?
Anything by Sting of course
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Comment number 21.
At 4th Mar 2009, littleDickie wrote:"To bees or not to..where forever is New Jersey, is that a jumper or a gansey, eh?"
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Comment number 22.
At 4th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:To misquote Shakespeare:
Where's the bees, Suggs? There, Suggs? High!
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Comment number 23.
At 4th Mar 2009, Rob Falconer wrote:How about merging the two main stories - Gail's Honey?
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Comment number 24.
At 4th Mar 2009, Kipson wrote:What about the workers?
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Comment number 25.
At 4th Mar 2009, Kipson wrote:Never mind the workers, God save the Queen!
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Comment number 26.
At 4th Mar 2009, Kipson wrote:OK, I'll stop droning on.
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Comment number 27.
At 5th Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:Why not just round them up with the Flying Squad?
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Comment number 28.
At 5th Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:He should have told them to bee hive themselves!
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Comment number 29.
At 5th Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:Madness are releasing a cover version of "The Flight of the Bumblebees".
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Comment number 30.
At 5th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:Well, let's hope it cells.
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Comment number 31.
At 5th Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:Send for A.P. Airy.
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Comment number 32.
At 5th Mar 2009, rogueslr wrote:You can take to apiculture, but you can't make it 'clink'.
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Comment number 33.
At 5th Mar 2009, DylanRex wrote:Doesn't Suggs off Madness promote Bird's Eye Peas? Now bees aswell? What next? BP?
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Comment number 34.
At 5th Mar 2009, Helenepitpony wrote:Madness means a breakout in hives
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Comment number 35.
At 6th Mar 2009, princeMarkMad1 wrote:Bless the birds and the BEES! It must be Suggs!
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