Paper Monitor
11:02 UK time, Thursday, 5 March 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Gordon Brown must have smiled to himself last night, after giving his speech to both houses of Congress in Washington DC. There was some debate about whether he got the same number of standing ovations that Blair had got, but either way it was a lot.
So at last it was a chance for HM Press to do the decent thing and cheer their prime minister as he flew the flag abroad.
Only - and can you guess what's coming, reader? -it didn't quite work out like that.
So here are choice phrases from the demolition derby practised today.
In the Times, Philip Collins pokes fun at the phrase "Our task must be to build tomorrow today", saying: "What is this, time travel? Is he Doctor Who, all of a sudden? I hope we'll have finished building tomorrow by the end of today otherwise we'll still be building tomorrow tomorrow. I'm afraid this paragraph invites people to do what I have just done - poke fun. The future is not a building, either."
The Daily Telegraph's Andrew Pierce offers a "what he said and what he meant" assessment, including: "He said: 'Tonight, too many parents, after they put their children to bed, will speak of their worries about their jobs.' He meant: 'You might think I'm a weirdo but I'm a father too.'"
The Guardian is generally pretty respectful, though does wonder if Mr Brown was inspired by S Club 7 in saying people should reach for the stars. The paper puts its theatre critic Michael Billington on the review job, and he praises the PM's style, even saying he was a bit like Mark Antony. But he adds: "[H]e'd do well to rmeember that Mark Antony's triumph was short-lived and was followed by civil commotion, global turmoil and his own ultimate downfall on foreign soil."
But if it's real flattery you're looking for - and here's one you might NOT be able to guess - try the Daily Mail, which falls over itself with praise for the PM's support for free trade. Unfortunately, in finding a synonym for Brown, falls back on an irritating cliche. "These were brave messages for a son of the Manse". When was the last time you heard anyone refer to a manse, especially with reference to an ecclesiastical residence? The OED's primary definition is "The principal house of an estate; a mansion" which rather subverts the Mail's point.
And at the Sun, political editor George Pascoe-Watson tells us not to be deceived by the full house that Brown commanded in Congress. "There were many 'staffers' and interns taking up seats."
Ouch.
Lastly, thanks for all the Madness-bee puns - felt like it had the potential for a popular weekly challenge in which readers were invited to submit puns based on a story in the news. Did such a strand exist or is Paper Monitor being plagued by a phantom memory?
Lastly of all, a curveball that caught Paper Monitor's eye: how's from the Guardian online that promises more than it delivers?
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