³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

Random Stat tells us 74% of Brits mime or make up the words to Auld Lang Syne.
Indeed. A straw poll of one tells me the most common words remembered are "for the sake of auld lang syne", with the first line "should old acquaintance be forgot" being the other most common line remembered. The lah lah lahing is usually jolly good fun though.
Kay, London, UK

Re "cows have best friends" in : Er, ALL herd animals have friends (and enemies), it's part of being a sociable animal and should be obvious to a social animal like ourselves.
C Davies, Llanfair Caereinion, UK

Cows have 99 problems but no friends ain't one?
CougarJacques

If is true
Then all I can say is Eew
Though the thought makes me queasy
The solution is easy
Just don't take your phone to the loo.
My most humble apologies, Happy New Year!
Annie Bieber, Shingletown, CA, US

Re As Samoa have done it before I imagine they'll manage again...
Malcolm Rees

In Katie Price impersonator admits Lincolnshire bank fraud, we are told it includes a photo of Katie Price. But how do we know it's not a photo of her impersonator?
Clare, Aylesbury, UK

Mind-reading, tablets and TV are tech picks for 2012 - is there an English translation of this article available?
Chris, United Kingdom

If charging interest is a sin, could we not say that paying interest is a penance? It would certainly suit me.
Diane, Sutton

Hardly anybody pronounces the three consonant phonemes in "sixth" as they don't really trip off the tongue, and slow us down when we speak (Monday letters). The plural "sixths" is the only modern English word to end with a four-consonant cluster, so I see no reason to be snobbish about the pronunciation.
Andy Hill

Re Becca's calf born in the barn on Christmas morning (Monday letters) - perhaps one of these names would suit? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. She could say she was adopted.
Diane, Sutton

How about "Barney"?
Martin, Upstate NY, US

Thanks for another year of great reading on peoples, places and all creatures great and small on our little planet. You guys rock.
Fatima, Boston, MA, US
Monitor note: *blushes*

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Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

The competition is now closed.

There is still no prize, except the traditional small quantity of kudos.

This week, Elvis the crocodile attacks a lawnmower at the Australian Reptile Park.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. ARoseByAnyOther
Hardly worth the complimentary mini golf is it?

5. Candace9839
Mating season would prove a bit of a challenge this year.

4. Tremorman
Robot wars was taking things very seriously.

3. MorningGlories
The downside of having a moat.

2. Balfor Coren
Yeah, the trick is to send the lawn-mower in, and THEN go and collect your golf ball.

1. Franc Bolero
Alan Titchmarsh began to regret refusing to work on Don Corleone's garden.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

As an eventful 2011 splutters to its conclusion, the papers have already begun looking towards its successor.

In the former broadsheets - those that have recently turned tabloid and Berliner - the focus for the new year is cultural.

The Times's include Kenneth MacMillan's The Prince of the Pagodas at the Royal Ballet, television auteur Stephen Poliakoff's new series Dancing on the Edge and an exhibition celebrating Picasso's influence on British art at Tate Britain.

Meanwhile, the Guardian informs us that Mario Vargas Llosa's novel The Dream of the Celt, a celebration of Lucien Freud at the National Portrait Gallery and the World Shakespeare festival.

The Sun, however, chooses to look ahead in rather a different way.

Astrologer Mystic Meg is commissioned to look into her crystal ball and forsee how readers' finances will bear up over the forthcoming 12 months.

Sagittariuses are advised that the number seven will bring them "lottery luck", while, for Leos, "Jupiter kicks off 2012 in your success sector". Pisces are urged to ask for a pay rise and earn a little extra on the side by dabbling in household crafts.

Paper Monitor's predictive powers are somewhat less confident, but this column looks forward to continuing to celebrate the daily press's many and varied riches. A very happy new year to all Magazine readers.

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Interesting and unexpected facts can emerge from daily news stories and the Magazine picks out such snippets for its weekly feature, 10 things we didn't know last week. Here's an almanac of the best of 2011.

1. Birds binge drink.
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2. Bald people grow the wrong type of hair - so fine it's invisible to the naked eye.
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3. Aristotle is thought to have been the last individual to know everything that was known at the time.
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4. Women's tears reduce sexual desire in men.

5. President Kennedy's famous line "Do not ask..." was inspired by the headmaster of his prep school.
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6. Princess Diana had two wedding dresses - one a back-up design in case her first choice was revealed before the big day.

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7. Huskies can smell thin ice.
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8. JD Salinger was a fan of Tim Henman.
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9. Good cops are better at getting confessions than bad cops.

10. The average hug lasts three seconds.

11. Cattle once regularly swam between Hebridean islands.
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12. Elton John has no mobile phone.
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13. Incan brides had to peel a potato to prove they would be a good wife.
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14. UK postal workers get through two million red rubber bands a day.

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15. Artist LS Lowry was a debt collector.
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16. The ransom paid to release Richard the Lionheart, captured in 1192 on his return from the Crusades, was the equivalent of about £2bn in today's money.
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17. People with full bladders make better decisions.

18. Chickens feel empathy.

19. About 40% of skyscrapers due to be completed in the next six years will be in China.

20. St Patrick's Day is a national holiday in Montserrat.
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21. Sharks go to the cleaners.

22. More than 90% of UK schoolchildren study Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.
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23. YouTube's first video was called "Me at the zoo".
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24. The average person uses 20,000 words, with another 40,000 in reserve.
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25. One in six people live in India.

26. The word "loo" dates from medieval times, thought to have derived from the warning shout of "gardez l'eau!" given by those tipping chamber pots out the window.
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27. Seat belts are banned on some roads.

28. Male humpback whales play "Chinese whispers" across 6,000km.

29. Dogs watch how nice people are to others to work out whom to approach to beg for food.

30. Swearing relieves pain.

31. A rare version of God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols is the most valuable record of all time.
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32. French police are currently allowed 25cl of wine or a small beer with their lunch while on duty.

33. Transparent typewriters are sold to prisons, to avoid the risk of hidden contraband.

34. The perfect nap lasts 26 minutes.
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35. New York taxis used to be red and green, but in 1907 were all repainted yellow to be visible from a distance.

36. It costs $60,000 to train a Navy Seal dog - like the one that accompanied US special forces on the Bin Laden operation.

37. Humans stare longer at people with bad reputations.

38. There are only two beret factories left in France.

39. It is illegal to sell moon rocks in the US.
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40. "Dong xuan" means frozen garlic in China, but winning an election in Taiwan.
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41. Heart disease is less common among religious people.
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42. Vultures are better than sniffer dogs at searching large, overgrown areas for dead bodies.
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43. The odds of scoring two hole-in-ones in the same round of golf are 67 million-to-one.

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44. Chimps can outperform eight-year-olds in solving problems.
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45. Women don't see Porsche drivers as marriage material.
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46. The yellow brick road leads to a car park.

47. Sonic the Hedgehog's shoes are based on Michael Jackson's footwear in the Bad video.
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48. Half of Britons have German blood.

49. The US only got its first roundabout in 1990, in Nevada.
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50. The male water boatman insect sings with its penis.
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51. California has drawn up a legal definition for the hot dog.

52. The UK's Speaking Clock still receives 30 million calls each year.
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53. Stick insects can go without sex for a million years.
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54. Cows have best friends.

55. Apple has more cash than the US government.
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56. Uganda's national anthem is the world's shortest.
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57. There are poisonous rats.
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58. A hole dug in the ground qualified as a private members' club in Wales.
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59. A shorter than average tongue makes it more difficult to speak Korean.

60. Singing sparrows are actually trading insults.

61. Asda Illustrated is the UK's top-selling magazine.

62. Mr Men author Roger Hargreaves was the third best-selling author of the last decade, topped only by JK Rowling and Dan Brown.

63. The average Briton suffers 726 hangovers in a lifetime.

64. Steve Jobs patented designs for two glass staircases - now used in many Apple stores.

65. Getting married increases the risk of putting on weight.
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66. The world's atmosphere is worth £4.3 quadrillion, going by the air we breathe in and the price of CO2.

67. In 1941 state surveys in the UK asked how many bras women owned.
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68. Crocodiles go off their food when stressed.

69. The Queen's swans get flu jabs.

70. Women remember men with a deep voice more than those with a high voice.

71. Australians have a third choice when describing their gender on passport applications.
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72. Yawning cools down the brain.

73. MI5 used to have special kettles kept solely for steaming open envelopes.
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74. Facebook remembers all the devices you've ever used to log in, and who else has used that same device.

75. Letters addressed to Kabul include directions - there are few street names and numbers, and no postcodes.
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76. Preston bus station is on this year's list of at-risk cultural heritage sites, along with the Nazca Lines in Peru and a Greek cemetery.

77. The first e-book, back in the 1970s, was the US Declaration of Independence.
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78. One in six mobile phones in Britain is contaminated with poo.
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79. Piranhas bark.
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80. There is a decrease in natural births on Halloween and an increase on Valentines Day.

81. Alice Cooper runs a Bible class.

82. Staffordshire town Burton upon Trent now has its own perfume, Eau de Burton, with hints of football boots and Branston Pickle.

83. Polar bears have a surprisingly weak bite, while giant pandas have a very strong one.
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84. Rival rugby teams face a fine if they stray over the half-way line while the All Blacks perform the haka.

85. Horses with distinctive black-and-white leopard-like markings roamed Europe 25,000 years ago.

86. Scottish remembrance poppies have four petals and no leaf, unlike the more common two petals and a single green leaf.

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87. Jimmy Savile and Margaret Thatcher celebrated New Year's Eve together 11 years in a row.

88. Thierville in Normandy did not lose any service personnel in France's last five major wars.
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89. Many Afghans associate the number 39 with pimps.
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90. Until 1912 there was no set design for the Stars and Stripes.
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91. In the fifth and sixth decades of life, you are less likely to die over the coming year than at any other time in your life.
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92. Facebook users average 3.74 degrees of separation.
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93. The world's only sex school is in Austria.

94. Wasps recognise each other's faces.

95. You are given a lottery ticket if you clean up dog poo in New Taipei City in Taiwan.
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96. The girl on the classic British road sign "children going to or from school" is based on a school photo of its designer Margaret Calvert.

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97. Alcohol tastes sweeter when loud music is playing.

98. Hairy limbs keep bed bugs at bay.
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99. Lakes can be given village green status.
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100. Fish walk.
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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

During the post-Christmas, pre-new year period, journalists are filled with as much festive ennui as the rest of us.

But they still have newspapers to put out. As such, Paper Monitor salutes the Stakhanovite efforts of the Daily Telegraph's Bryony Gordon, who turns in both (in which Gordon is pictured alongside her subject in an energetic-looking yoga position) as well as an op-ed piece about why she will be

Paper Monitor isn't surprised. Take a holiday, Bryony.

Other titles also tap into this mood of irritation. The Daily Mirror reports with an almost-audible harrumph that

The Daily Mail also joins in the bah-humbug chorus with news that was U2's The Joshua Tree.

Apparently some 24,958 copies were exchanged for cash and vouchers at one online retailer on 25 and 26 December.

Roll on January.

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A service highlighting the richness of the daily press.

As is the custom at this time of year, the newspapers are starting to reflect on who is the face of 2011 or the Briton of the year.

And to fill the vacuum of news that usually happens over the Christmas holiday, some have also decided who has the lips of the year, what was the jumper of the year, the shoes of the year, the handbag of the year and many, many more.

The Daily Telegraph names the Duke of Edinburgh, 90, as its Briton of 2011. Not because the paper feels a bit sorry for him after being in hospital over Christmas - it's for so much more.

His Royal Highness claimed publicly to be nearing his "sell-by date", but there was no evidence of that - he carried out some 300 engagements in 2011 and remained as forthright as ever, recently criticising wind farms as "absolutely useless"

The Times names Mohamed Bouazizi as its Person of the Year. The Tunisian street vendor became the inspiration for the Arab Spring. He set himself alight after the fruit on his cart was confiscated by an inspector, who then slapped him in public. He was no revolutionary, but his protest was the catalyst for a wave of revolts.

Pictures of the Year feature in the Guardian. The images include many from the UK riots. These include Amy Weston's unforgettable shot of a woman jumping from a burning building in Croydon. The photographer remembers that night:

A Romanian man pushed through the crowd to the police, shouting that there was a woman still in the building. The next minute I saw two little feet on the window ledge of the second floor. After a few seconds she just fell. The police and crowd below didn't really catch her, it was more like they broke her fall. She was crying and ran off really quickly"

Then it all gets a bit silly. The Times awards Lips of the Year to singer Lana del Rey. Apparently her smackers "caused more controversy than Leslie Ash's". Had she or hadn't she? Paper Monitor is assuming the paper is talking about collagen here. Its conclusion? "Course she had."

It also awards Jumper of the Year to the Gudrun & Gudrun chunky-knit pullover worn by Sarah Lund in TV series The Killing. Shoe of the Year goes to pale peach stilettos worn by the Duchess of Cambridge and Bag of the Year to a Celine shopper. Apparently it "singlehandely changed the handbag landscape".

Enough already? Paper Monitor agrees.

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A service highlighting the richness of the daily press.

Paper Monitor has long enjoyed the letters pages of the newspapers for the slices of life they offer up. Today, in particular, an insight is given into the minor trials and tribulations encountered by some over the festive season.

The Letters to the Editor section of The Daily Telegraph features an uncle who taught his nephew a at Christmas dinner, a father baffled by an "excess fee" on his daughter's Christmas card and a husband whose wife could only find sterling chocolate coins - rather than the euro confectionery of previous years.

The uncle, we learn, is "persona non grata" at his brother's house. His crime? Extracting the streamers from party poppers and replacing them with a grape, "thus making an admirable food cannon". Not so heinous, you might think... until nephew cottons on and fills the poppers with chocolate mousse. Perhaps uncle could offer to pay for the curtain cleaning bill?

Next, a father in Cardiff relates how he and his wife on Christmas Eve received a "dreaded '£1.12 Excess to pay' slip (12p underpaid and £1 administration fee). After hurrying to the depot, the card was presented. The father, scratching his head as to why an excess fee was necessary observes that the card did not appear oversized. When a check was made, it "easily dropped through the sizing slot". To conclude, he writes:

So the supervisor let me deliver the card to myself, with no offer of an "administration fee" for my mileage. I wonder how many have naively paid up.

Moving on to the chocolate coins, the man whose wife announced that there were no euro chocolate coins to be found in the shops, asks:

Do you think the chocolate manufacturers are ahead of the game?

Over in The Guardian, letter-writers have been commenting on the unseasonably mild weather. One writes:

Christmas day 2011: turkey roasting in the oven, cornflowers blooming in the garden.

In The Times, one reader questions journalist Sam Leith's advice not to microwave a mince pie. Speaking from experience, he explains that heating it for between 10 and 15 seconds and letting it stand for two minutes, "does the job well". It might seem "counterintuitive", he writes, but:

The microwaves heat the mincemeat very quickly, but the pastry case is hardly affected. Letting the pie stand allows heat from the filling to spread to the pastry.

Now that's a short-cut Paper Monitor likes.

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I hardly thought Queen Visits Philip in Hospital justified its headline status. Now, "Queen Refuses to Visit Philip in Hospital" would have been quite a story!
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales

But which is the left side of the bed, 10 things, No 7? Is it the left side if you are lying on your back in bed, or the left side if you are looking at the bed from the foot? I'll get my dressing gown.
Paul Greggor, London

Why do most, if not all ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ presenters, pronounce the word "sixth" like "sickth" if that pronunciation is considered incorrect?
Martin Dimmock, Leyburn, UK

First thing I find in the barn early [Christmas] morning is a new-born calf! Suggestions for names please? Current contenters are "Noella" and Yulia.
Becca, Trandelag, Norway

BaldoBingham: "No matter how they lit it, Salford in summer was still cold and uninviting" -
can't get much better than that, cc of the YEAR.
Phil, Germany

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A service highlighting the richness of the daily press.

Top of the list of things that are best avoided, is the scrum of the sales. You might get hurt, you see - a sharp-elbow in the ribs as you reach for the last, must-have chunky-knit sweater, for example.

However, if the thought of sitting in your car as the traffic snakes back for miles outside the shopping centre, listening to that Michael Buble Christmas songs CD again, doesn't curb your zeal for shopping, a story in The Daily Telegraph might.

The paper reveals that carrying . According to researchers, shoppers who are physically weighed down subconsciously think about "more important and stressful" thoughts.

And what could be more important than weighing up which wine to serve with your festive cheeseboard? Red wine and cheese are simply made for each other - aren't they? Apparently not. Under the headline, , The Daily Telegraph writes:

It's enough to give an aspiring dinner party host nightmares and breaks one of the most established rules of dining, but experts say white wine is a much better match for cheese than red.

It goes on to say that among cheeses often associated with red wine are those with a particularly creamy texture and blues. But the creaminess can be drowned out by the more bitter tannin contained in the reds, it says. Reds, experts say, dominate all but the most strong-tasting cheeses.

More good news for white-wine drinkers. The Guardian reports that the first English sparkling wine made by a French champagne maker is to go on sale soon. The papers welcomes the news as "the clearest sign that British fizz is coming of age."

It reports that the planned release of the English wine by the owner of a grand cru vineyard in Champagne "comes as established English vintners of champagne-style sparkling wines report a dramatic growth in sales and demand."

Now Paper Monitor will raise a glass to that.

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