成人论坛

Police described it as a heartfelt plea..

The Strawberry Delight one makes a run for it..

All aboard the Love Train!

鈥淩ight鈥�, thought Brian, 鈥渓et鈥檚 see if they can pickpocket me now!鈥�

"Aisle always be there for you".

Heart attack when hearts attack.

"I told you - if we'd have used BUPA they'd have brought you in a nice chilled freezer box, but you insisted on the cheap option!"

And as if to prove how the world has changed, no-one offered their seat..

The Campaign to Use Public Transplant

....last thing I knew I was in San Francisco

"Keeping the shoulder pads for the second series, Ms Devey?"

Valentines Day - when wearing your heart on your sleeve is just not enough.

"It's the hat isn't it? You're laughing at the hat!"

A fare of the heart.

Another lonely Valentine's Day?
Tried Cupid? Now Tricuspid.

Pullmanary Circulation

On their way to the latest Euro crisis meeting, Jean-Claude Juncker and Angela Merkel ditch the power suits and take a softer approach to persuading Greece to sign the bail out deal

Man in the suit in question - "So 'coraz贸n' (heart) is not related to 'cortejo' (train) here?!?! I am so 'embarazada' (pregnant)."

"Tickers Please"

Does my bum look big in this?

Aorta gone by bus

"Tickers, please"

Rod Stewart should never have worn red pants

Camera catches moment when suicide bomber realises it was a mistake to put on his rucksack before his lycra jacket.

It's definitely not me

Yes, I have always been a fan of the Fruit of the Loom guys

Roses?! I don't need to show you no stinking roses

It beats buying an engagement ring

Pedro's girlfriend said he should express his love for her

Yes, actually I AM going to a big art exhibition ...

Better red than dead

A milk tray is so pedestrian

Oh no, I should have gone before I left

Of course I'm not expecting a truly intimate evening. There's no easy way out of this thing.

Joan Collins' couture was still popular in Peru

When everyone chorused "Hi, Jack" he was glad he hadn't taken the plane.

If Carlsberg did greeting cards

Just try packing them in now

Making me stand? That's just heartless.

In the off season, I'm a Gorilla Gram.

My route today will be a double bypass

The Morph tribute was suggested by Toe-Knee-Heart

There's a reason this is the last train to Clarksville, actually

It looks as if Willy Wonka is starting up a Chocolate Heart Factory

Unintelligent student wants everyone to know that he now realises cardie-ology isn't the scientifc study of knitwear

Please look after this heart

Unintelligent student wants everyone to know that he now realises cardie-ology isn't the scientific study of knitwear

(correction)

Ticker to ride

The traffic news had warned of bad circulation on the main artery.

Lima? When you get to the next station, you'll have to have a change of heart.

Unfortunately, after the cosmetic surgery, Loretta's bum was put on upside-down

Her fake boobs may have been put on her back by mistake, but I bet she's fun to dance with!

Peru's first heart trains-plant

It being a leap year, Norma got far more than she bargained for when she reversed roles and called Bernard to ask him what *he* was wearing...

What he hadn鈥檛 counted on was the love rat in the next carriage..

Every year, Quasimodo looked forward to donning his Valentine's disguise and feeling a little more accepted.

Has anyone seen my friends, I, N & Y?

As news of the Slade comeback tour breaks, Dave Hill begins to wish he'd taken a cab...

Carlotta was training at heart school

Gok began to regret telling Sam to dress appropriately for her shape...

All Heart's friends said they'd ride on the roof of the train, but Heart was a chicken ticker

The German-speaking tourist said: "Does my Herz look big in this?"

The transition from capillary to butterfly came at an awkward moment

"Stand clear of the dorsal aorta..."

The train-driver derailed his loco because he didn't want to brake her heart

NOW can you find Wally?

On Peruvian trains passenger airbags come as standard.

Police have released this picture in a plea for potential witnesses to come forward after a man was shot with an enormous arrow

OK, so that wasn't the cord for my rucksack

Commuter misunderstands Drs instruction to go for a CardioGram

New official mascot makes his way to Wembley for the Man U-Liverpool game.

Dolly Parton regretted turning around so quickly

Heart for Art's sake

Any Juan Who Had a Heart

David Blaine was pushing his street magic this time. He not only hoped the girl on the platform chose the Ace of Hearts, but also that the train wasn't late...

Mad Hatter 鈾� Trains

For a healthy heart, one should train more

Heartache? Let the train take the strain.

Excuse me, is this the Heart of Wales line?

Murder on the Auricle Express

I say, this train is offal nice

If your brand new all-in-one funky outfit is made from stretchy wind proof fabric and the openings are elasticated with rubber banding, there鈥檚 one tiny little drawback..

Ridiculous on the Virgin

You should see the size of my Donor Card!

"None of these people will give up their seat for me - they are totally heartless!"

Look out! Here comes the ticker collector.

It's crush hour

Maybe Tim Burton wasn't the best choice to direct "Paddington Bear - The Movie"

I lost that to a Starship Trooper; looks like she lost it to Paddington Bear....

Tony 'Blinding Obvious' Phillips wasn't going to be subtle in letting Victoria know his feelings or her

"You're all heart"

I told you to see a doctor about your heart ... but not Doctor Beeching

"Yes, I forgot her Valentine's Day card and this is my penance"

Poor Alvarez had a broken heart after Doctor Beeching's cuts

I wasn't going to give up my seat, but then I thought aorta !!!!

"No no, no. I said the new suit should be a work of ART"

"Is this the stop for the hospital? I've got a heart problem, you see"

"Yoiu should see the stethoscope..."

I'm the organ grinder .......... anyone seen my monkey?

If he says "I wuv you" just one more time ...