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Swine blue

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Yeah, technically I’m a pygnotist

Winnie the Pooh loves you ... Winnie the Pooh loves you ...

Yeah, I'm a sowchologist

Pigs in trace

And, when you come out of your trance, you will see a picture on the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ MM Caption Competition page

The Dutch clearly don't believe in nominative determinism - Scheepens in the pigsty?

High of the hog

The whole pigsty had been stressed ever since they had opened an all-day breakfast café next door

Kees also performs on the stage under the name of Paul BaKonna

Oh well, a thousand words are worth one picture...Dolly must have mucked up the links again.

Look, sauerkraut goes with many things. This is nothing to worry about.

There never would have been any stress if the farmer hadn't left a copy of "Animal Farm" lying around

Pigs often get stressed under the pressure of trying to keep the place clean

Yrs. Kermit was your father.

Kees couldn't understand why the pigs were so stressed. After all, it was hardly barbecue weather ...

"Dolly - a word in my office, now."

300 Caption Competition guinea pigs participate in imaginary caption competition.

My methods are indeed sloppy.

Frankly, mud ear, I don't give a damn

The lipstick is just not on, I'm afraid.

Scheepens was able to calm the stressed pigs by saying over and over again the phrase "Mint sauce, mint sauce ..."

The piglet was pleased he'd ticked the box for "No publicity"

How creative! Make up a caption and a photo to go with it. I spy with my little eye...a man...and a piglet...and lots of clowns, of course.

He's just a hamateur.

"Do your wurst! C'mon, I dare you!"

You will grow up to admire Kevin Bacon.

Nintendo reveal the new Wiiiiii.

When I snap my fingers and say "Bacon" you will wake up and run for your life.

And this little piggy went Z, Z, Z, all the way home.

It wasn't much of a consulting-room, but there as no way Kees was having the pigs on his couch

Diederik – the loaf and ketchup now please..

Nothing a silk purse can't fix.

At long last, Pork Farms manage to breed the baguette-sized pig

"So, that's two goals for Germany and none for Italy?"

Now cast your mind back. What exactly did this wolf look like?

You are getting sleepy...your eyes are closing...now picture yourself...please.

"Did you say 'runt'? Cos now I'm stressed".

How to cure bacon.

Jazz hands a go-go at rehearsals for Babe the musical.

And this is how you make a bacon roll

''...and there you are, a perfect, sausage roll.....''

And then the bartender says "I was talking to the goose"

Stressed? I though you said stretched.

And when you hear the phrase 'four legs good, two legs bad', you will awaken feeling completely refreshed and remember nothing.

Miss Piggy goes on a Celebrity Fat Club workout

Yes. Kermit was your father.

OK, so maybe that medicine ball was a bit heavy for you

OK, now he's quiet and stress-free, stick that apple in his mouth!

Und the roast is history.

You are feeling streaky ... you are feeling streaky ...

(piglet stalling for time) "Try and say 'beer can' without sounding like a Jamaican saying 'bacon' - can't be done."

Unfortunately, Kees had registered his London-based company as Trotters Independent Training.

The psychologist was just thinking how much he'd like a few rashers and a Freud egg

Ein. Schwein. Fry Fear

Stressed? I thought you said stretched.

(correction)

Boy, is this piglet heavy! You'd better get a pork-lift truck.

And, to complete the cure, I'd recommend a massage, a mud bath, and two hours at Regulo 8

When I snap my fingers, you will awake and have no desire to smoke cigarettes ever again.

On the count of three, just relax and then lean back...

A fish may not need a bicycle, but a pig certainly needs coping skills.

Haribo prepares to go into production with their latest sweet, Swine Gums

Piglet told to wait 600 seconds before posting gives up the will to live.

But you're a pig - you can't go cat-atonic

Who says we don't have a sense of humour?

Perky didn't know whether to be relieved or worried to discover that "Kees Scheepens" is Dutch for "Kiss Sheep".

Miss Piggy goes into a stupor after begin rejected once more by Michael Parkinson

We're all worried about Greece, but we're doing all we can.

The Empress of Blandings reacts badly on hearing she is to be rehoused on a council estate

Just humour me - try holding the apple in your mouth.

Single razorback, 5 points. That means I'm winning!

Rip Ham Winkle

The customs officers at Berlin were still laughing at what Kees had in his passport under "occupation"

And when my wife walked in, "swine whisperer" was the first thing I could think up ...

"'......and this little piggy had none'.That's why I get stressed!"

Good, he's under - now where's that blanket?

And when you awake you will think you are a sheepdog.
3, 2, 1, you are back in the room.

Jiggery piggery

Actually, I'm a Swiss wine-pourer, but I'll have a go

'Vorsprung Pork technik'

So, you're really only three degrees of separation from bacon...I mean, um, Kevin Bacon.

Closer, closer...
Vlad the Attack Pig's play dead ruse was working, as the prey crouched down nearer to his gaping maw...

Kees was glad he'd worn his hard hat as the enemy started throwing ever-heavier livestock at him and his men

Lovely plumage, the Norwegian Pink ...

As Kees broke wind, he never got the chance to hypnotise the piglet.

So, Kees. How are you getting on assembling that flat-pig wardrobe?

Its not dead. Its resting.

Unfortunately, this little piggy didn't speak German, and went oui oui oui all the way home

If you really dream of being LIBOR-rated, I think you need to talk to Barclays

..... and then we just roll in salt, pop him in a tray and roast on a low heat for 3 hours

As David Tennant rehearsed with a little pig, he clearly hadn't understood Shakespeare's underlying concept of Hamlet

600 seconds! That's like 10 minutes in pig-years!

A Dutch psychologist tries to cure Porky Pig of his stutter

I was only joking. England didn't win the penalty shoot-out.

A financial analyst discovers that Barclay's has been telling porkies again ...

Nah, there's not a lot of money in this game. In fact I'm barely pork scratching a living.

Yes, your pigsty is very clean. So how long have you suffered from OCD?

...and when you wake up, I'm no longer a three bar electric fire but a talking piglet lying on its back...

I'm afraid she's determined to have those pearls. I blame Miss Piggy.