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"The atmosphere here is literally electric. Harold Millar has got the taste of Lambeth in his nostrils. And Rowan Williams, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction on the question of gay bishops".

Later:

"It's Lambeth 0, Jerusalem 1, and the longer it stays like that the more you've got to fancy Jerusalem to win. Actually, the match was settled either side of half-time".

For those of you who prefer to watch in black and white, you need to switch to Jerusalem or another denomination.

Maybe the report from Lambeth would go something like this:

Anglican bishops meeting in Lambeth this week agreed it would be good to agree to agree, and have therefore decided to agree not to disagree for at least another few years, by which time it is hoped that they will be able to agree not to disagree again. At least we reached agreement, even with the people we disagree with, we're all agreed on that, and if we can manage to agree to agree again in the future there is less likelihood of further disagreement. Archbishop Williams was particularly pleased with the level of agreement saying, "There’s never been this level of agreement before."

Towards the end of the proceedings a resolution was agreed that an agreeable time had been had by all. No one felt as if they'd been had.

"There goes Tommy Walsh running with a sheet of plywood and his drill to board up the Lambeth goal as it seems that Rowan Williams has got the knack of scoring own goal’s, Rowan William’s has just realised that it’s not a goal keeper that he needs but a joiner"

Hi folks and welcome to Lambeth. In American Football parlance I suppose we could term this conference a 'Hail Mary pass'.

Slightly off topic here but Motty should have done this match (and this is my favourite football pee-take).

Eh - and here we have bishops listening to Trans people and this is a colourful sight I can tell you.

There's Primate Harper talking to Titti von Trent - an absolute picture in plum and cream with discrete gold and amethyst accessories and Titti's looking quite fetching too in a matching stole and chasuble ensemble - loadsa colours and a kinda passing nod to the Arsenal strip.

For those of you watching in colour Rowan Williams IS grey...

... and here comes Akinola and the boys - lotsa people didn't think they'd show but here they are, lining up for the walking meditation on Mary Magdalene. What's this they're doing? Oh I see, they're starting-off with gentle stretching. You can say what you like but these African lads are big...

... and Rowan Williams kicks off proceedings - fair enough I'm waiting for him to screech "I'm a laydeee" any moment but you'd never guess this guy recently swam the Channel...

William:

I am not sure that John Motson should be described as the 'James Joyce' of sports commentators. Barry Davies, who did football as well as many other sports, was more of a literary wordsmith than Motson, as was John Arlott, the cricket commentator. As for 'howlers', I think Brian Johnston trumped him in that department.
The immortal one is actually quite appropriate for the current Lambeth charade: "The batman's Holding, the bowler's Willey".

...and here comes Michael Jackson - no sign yet of that smooth episcopal glide morphing into the famous Moonwalk - but at least he's brought along Bubbles. Wait... Wait... Haha ... No sorry folks, you're not going to believe this... Haha That's not Bubbles: it's the Bishop of Connor! Haha..

And, would you believe it, after the main event special seminars have been arranged with Trinny and Susannah - 'What Not to Wear to Worship'

Commentary on 'Bishops listening to Trans people' II

... and who's Titti talking to now? It's Archbishop Neill (she likes her Primates does Titti). And what are they talking about? Archbishop Neill is saying brown is not a liturgical colour but Titti is having none of it... It looks like they've got their wires crossed - Jensen will not like it, Jensen will not like it...

My favourite commentator was David Coleman OBE, surely one of the all time greats. However, shame on the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳. This from Wikipedia:



He retired without fanfare or recognition by the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳, despite working for the corporation for over 40 years

If Motson - for the sake of balance - went to Gafcon...

... and the bishops are going head to head on the question of overt heterodoxy... I can tell you they're pulling no punches... Orombi and Kolini are making their presence felt... there's nothing fuzzy about these guys' theology but looks like poor old Corporal Jones got it right: 'They do not like it up them. They do.not.like.it.up.them'.