Five
Venturing into a previously unchartered corner of Television Centre on an important errand, I took a lift to the fifth floor. Actually I got in the lift on the ground floor and looked for the fifth floor button. There wasn't one. There was one for floors 1-4, and 6, and come to that G and B.
I asked another man in the lift whether there was a secret entrance to the fourth floor, and he chose to get out before the lift doors closed.
I went up to the sixth floor and found some stairs and, in time, the office I needed on the fifth. I asked people why there was no lift to the fifth floor. They variously looked away, pretended to make a phone call, or in one case, immediately threw themselves out of the window.
I think perhaps it's been axed as part of the Value for Money savings but it's a mystery to be sure.
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Listen to PM
'Agent Eddie: Your mission, if your chose to accept it, is to find out what secrets are hidden behind the 'other' doors on the fifth floor. This email will self destruct in five seconds.'
The Beeb can only operate within the limits of its charter. If the fifth floor is unchartered then no wonder the lift doesn't go there.
Perhaps it's where they film 'Spooks'?
What was the 'important errand'? I think we should be told. Had the Gents on your corridor blown up again? Or was it a hunt for the misappropriated stationery 'borrowed' by Fig Lover? Were you acting on information received?
How did you manage to get there? Stairs, abseiling from the 6th floor, tunneling through the floor? Details matter....
Si.
That's spooky. Northwick Park Hospital admin block has exactly the same thing. You'll remember what happened there. Have you started feeling strange yet Eddie- more than normal I mean? Any feelings of inflation?
Eddie,
When in the lift did you make race car noises and say "Ding"! at each floor?
... I think it's a secret entrance to the fifth floor you were looking for, Eddie...
Are they developing the all new generation of news programmes, without any perception filters, that can all see into the past and the future? Did the guy who jumped out of the window get saved by his pet flying robot?
SB1 but I doubt it.
Maybe the fifth floor is just a figment of your imagination...
Didn't you once present a programme on 'Five'?
'Eddie Mayer Live at Five'... has a nice ring to it... unlike the lift.
The Fifth Floor is your imagination. No wonder people there looked odd, yet strangely familiar.
Couldn't think of anything smart to say, so I Googled instead.
Turns out there's a film called The Fifth Floor with the tagline "Once the door closes here, it never opens"
According to IMDB the plot outline is "College disco dancer is wrongly committed to an insane asylum." and apparently its based on a true story!!
Eddie, was there any dancing going on...?
Actually, hold on - if this is a secret floor - why were you going there at all??!!!???
If you made it to the office that you were looking for, then the fifth floor must still exist. Could it just be that the people of the fifth are suffering from middle aged spread and are being forced to take the stairs? Unless of course the entrance to the stairwell to you to an alternate dimension, and the fifth doesn’t exist in our dimension, but does in the other one…did anyone else just see a white rabbit bounce past?
The Eddie tapes (cont)
[Whoosh – lift doors open]
Commissionaire: Going up, Sir?
EM: Well, I thought I was before that d* Kirsty came on the scene…. Oh, I see what you mean. Yes, fifth floor for me
Com (in puzzled tone): But, Sir, surely you’re mistaken, there IS no fifth floor….
EM: What do you mean? The Boss told me I had to go to the fifth floor … He’s never wrong (well, except for the Kirsty business, of course – but then, she does have hair ….). Get me up to the fifth floor, my good man, and no further arguments, please!
Com: But, but, but …….
EM (sounding masterful): No ‘buts, let’s get on with it!
Com: Well, Sir, don’t say I didn’t warn you ….
(Lift doors close. Mechanism/whoosh/ general off stage sounds)
Com (trying to make conversation): I hear they’re thinking of doing a remake of ‘The Prisoner’, Sir. Did you ever watch the original series?
EM (Impatiently): ‘The Prisoner’? The only telly I ever get to see is the racing or the wretched goings on in the Houses of Parliament. I don’t have time for that rubbish. What are you on about?
Com: Well, I think you’ll wish you had [Sound of lift doors opening] – This is where you get off, Sir
EM: Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [Sound of body falling down lift shaft, rugby shirt tearing on sides, hip flask clattering, etc., etc.}
Maybe the Fifth Floor is for those who want to keep fit or to lose a few pounds - the stairs will do them (and you) good.
The lift in our office has all the numbers from zero to nine, a decimal point and a negative sign (we only have 2 floors).
It also has Braille which I feel is a little cruel as the lift controls are touch-sensitive.
Late, as in the late Maireddiemair.
sb 6
Something similar happened to me ,,,
Take care, young man ,,,
No mystery at all, Eddie. You've solved it in your opening words: ' [it's] a previously unchartered (sic) corner.'
It was probably denied Charter status because of an auditing oversight.
You'll be telling us next there really is a Studio S1.
C'mon Eddie. For you I think the War is over.
Eddie, I think you must have entered the Twilight Zone --- doodoo doodoo, doodoo doodoo, doodoo doodoo........
One of my daily pleasures has been denied me since today's pm newsletter is unsigned.
Can one charter parts of the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳, like yachts? Perhaps if no-one has chartered the 5th floor yet, that's why there's no lift ....
I would look for a small wooden door hidden behind a filing cabinet on floor 5, and when you find and pass through it, you'll either be able to tell a politician what to think or do, or find yourself near the M25/M4 interchange.
SB21
Alex (20) is probably right - that was the first thing that occurred to me. The second was that it might be how the staff get to Hogwart's.
(How do I know anything about Hogwart's when I've never read any of the books or seen the film? Frightening.)
Oh! Just realised it'll be the current access to Narnia! :)
Alex (20) - yep, was thinking similarly.
But you don't think that PM could stand for "puppet master" do you..?
uh oh
I shouldn't worry too much about it Eddie unless they ask you to go back to the 5th floor and find room 101.
What is the diffreence between a blog and a chatline? None, apparently. Good bye.
Ah - I'd love to see Sir Ed on Room 101 (not IN it, with rats in a box round his head etc, obviously).
Uhoh - have we given Eddie's blog a bad name to someone else now? David 24? Howabout, if Sir Ed keeps on doing multi blogs, and every day he makes one of them Serious and one Frivolous, and then, no, no, no what am I suggesting?
Once again I'd draw your attention to the tone of Ed'sBlogs and then you can draw conclusions as to why they oftentimes go off at a tangent. I do think that if you zip back through a random sample, then you'll find that in amongst every poster's flippant blogs you'll find, at the very least, some thought-provoking stuff from each and every one of us (possibly excepting meself!), ah but it's the exception which proves the rule, non?
Not only thought provoking, of course, but also downright creative, entertaining and supportive stuff....
Perhaps we need to deconstruct "the desired outcome of a Blog", its purpose and intent?
It occurs to me the Blogmeister has the last say - if the way it is, is not the way they wish it to be, then they could moderate, or wrap it up.
Other Blogs are available, obviously.
SB25
David (24) Never having tried a "chatline", I wouldn't know.
(Got the "stop being offensively fast" message again...)
Oh, well said, VP, on your 26!
I also take the view that the way the comments tend to go on this blog is a defining feature of the blog itself. Thus, if it were meant to be something else, then I suspect there could be a shift in another direction through moderation, cajoling, etc and most of the current contributors would prolly drift away to be replaced by those who enjoyed the new "thing" - whatever that might be.
I seem to remember this discussion in the early days - with some (obviously veteran) bloggers/blog-commenters basically implying that "we weren't doing it right". Cometh the hour, cometh the blog, I say. Vive la revolution!
I have a (possibly false) memory of a telly prog about Belgium and Belgians suggesting, as we watched a little Belgian chap waddle around his appartment dressed as a penguin, that perhaps Magritte wasn't a surrealist, he was just painting the world as a Beligan saw it. This was priceless since I had a Belgian girlfriend at the time. Anyway, after trawling the comments on this blog, I'm not sure if I'm not coming to some conclusion about the Monty Python crew.
Aperitif (27),
I don't use chatlines either, but I've heard that they are just silly chatter. I do, however, use a forum and all sorts of topics from serious to frivolous are discussed. When I came here, because it was mentioned by Eddie on PM, I expected something a bit more serious, not just a few smart, er, um, alec remarks from Eddie followed by an Eddie fan club full of luvvies making 'Isn't Ed clever?' remarks. So, off I go.
Aperitif (27),
PS I got the message again also.
Aperitif (27),
PPS I sent a message before 29, but apparently it wasn't liked.
Aperitif (27)
PPPS It is now 29 and 29 is 30. I assume 31 will remain 31. That's another thing I don't like about this blog. The forum I use accepts my posts in seconds and people can reply to them and I can see their reply less than a minute later. Why is this thing sooooo slow? Bye now, really.
So long David - and thanks for all the fish