Greetings
from the PM office. Odd being here but not doing the programme. Everyone is still very festive. Nigel is here ready to bring you tonight's programme. He's brought in some mince pies from home. They'll be gone by lunchtime, you mark my words.
Now I must embark on this online legal course. By the end of it, I'll be able to help you with any legal problems you have. You'll be able to write in and I can sort them for you. And then I'll start fighting crime and solving mysteries. But, one thing at a time.
If I get a chance later, I must tell you the story about the day I interviewed Duke Hussey, whose death has been announced. Or maybe I'd better run it past a lawyer first. Hey - in a few hours I'll be able to run it past myself!
RSS feed
Email us
Listen to PM
Oh no, not the dreaded online legal course! I heard about that one somewhere ........
Nice mince pies, Eddie? Would you like a bite from the cheese board that's going the rounds on another thread? I believe a slice of sharp Wensleydale might complement a mince pie rather well.
So now you're offering your services as a lawyer, too - Is there no end to this man's talent?
I think I like the idea of you as Sherlock Holmes, Eddie. Then you can try James Bond. Danny Craig had better watch his back!
This sounds just like the exercise regime I had planned for myself this New Year.
Before embarking on your new crime fighting/mystery solving career I think you need to declare a superhero name and come up with a costume design. (Anyone who has seen The Incredibles will be able to tell you why a cape is a big no-no in modern crime fighting.) But I am sure your fans will swoon at the thought of tights in a suitably gaudy shade.
Jason: You are WRONG! Men in Tights is a no-no. Please do not demean Lord Mair in this way.
Now, Eddie (like Jason) has rapier wit, so would not look amiss with said weapon.
I have some Paisley-patterned tights from the 60's - never been worn guv, still in the packet. You interested?
On a less 'tongue-in-cheek' mode, Eddie, is the course interesting? Are you enjoying it?
If you 'take' to it, will you consider changing career? I can see you now,
'M'Lud, a Frog is something on the wind up screen thingey which isn't a television. It doesn't like pictures as much as TV, though, and if there are too many pictures at one time it will break'.
Of course, you could always call an expert witness like Lissa.
Expert witness? Is that the religion where they are absolutely certain they are right but later someone else comes along and proves they were making it all up?
We do need to know more about this course - what's in the syllabub?
But Eddie, don't you already fight for truth and justice (although not the American way naturally) by trying to pin down politicians and get them to tell it like it is and not take liberties with the verite?
But now I see the problem - most government politicians won't come near you or Paxman or indeed anyone with a slightly harder edge than Richid'n'Joodi.
That's why you need the coloured tights and the rest - so that you can fly out and bring the 'guilty'** men* into the studio, kicking and screaming, to be held down until you get the answers we all want.
* other genders (well at least one)are available
** Guilty is a subjective term and the use of it here does not imply agreement by any employee of the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ or their friends or relatives or next door neighbours or that slim Swedish blonde that one employee may or may not have met at a cocktail party in the house of a junior govenrment whip in 1996. None of them endorse the use of the word 'guilty' in the above paragraph.
Probably.
Glad to see I'm not the only one at work. I'm sitting in a completely empty office and it's pretty difficult not to drift off for a three hour lunch break - anyone else doing the same?
This online legal course 'requirement' sounds extremely dodgy to me.
In future when (oh, let's say 'a') government doesn't like what an interviewer says, the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ will be able to wash its hands of the matter saying:
"All our interviewers are trained to know the legal implications of their words. Not me Guv."
Eddie ... don't go there!
Sorry, I fell asleep in front of the DVD of the Da Vinci Code last night. My conspiracy theory antennae are twitching again...
Fifi
Watch out, John Waite! And Winifred Robinson better look to her laurels, too.
Be careful nobody overtakes you while you're running it past yourself.
Did Greg Dyke do the online course, I wonder?
Big Sister (3): It would be an honour to be Eddie's weapon. Ah, that wasn't what you meant, was it?
I think a cutlass would be better. Or is that just an excuse for my pirate joke?
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they aaaaargh!
I have just found the site and sorry this is not a comment on the legal training or the mince pies but a question. What happened to all the photos?- I was so sad that I forgot my camera that day though I usually always have it with me and now there only seem to be a few odd photos- please I would like to see them but I cannot see how to find them- or am I just too late?
Hopes for a more peaceful 2007,
Love,
Sandi Beecher
p.s. You can ignore the comment below as I have just found the photos - am rather concerned about the number taken whilst driving - not quite as exciting as I expected- but interesting
best wishes,
Sandi Beecher
I have just found the site and sorry this is not a comment on the legal training or the mince pies but a question. What happened to all the photos?- I was so sad that I forgot my camera that day though I usually always have it with me and now there only seem to be a few odd photos- please I would like to see them but I cannot see how to find them- or am I just too late?
Hopes for a more peaceful 2007,
Love,
Sandi Beecher
I too was at work this morning. I failed to get my client's bail. Maybe Eddie should have swapped with me, as my legal brain is just a little dulled by the festivities.
Mary
p.s. You can ignore the comment below as I have just found the photos - am rather concerned about the number taken whilst driving - not quite as exciting as I expected- but interesting
best wishes,
Sandi Beecher
I have just found the site and sorry this is not a comment on the legal training or the mince pies but a question. What happened to all the photos?- I was so sad that I forgot my camera that day though I usually always have it with me and now there only seem to be a few odd photos- please I would like to see them but I cannot see how to find them- or am I just too late?
Hopes for a more peaceful 2007,
Love,
Sandi Beecher
(Quiffs hair and dons 50s garb.) (That's tricky given the hair is a number 1 all over and the waistline matches my age.)
Sandi, can't you see, I'm in misery...
OK my little legal beagle, now you're trained, tell me - does a text confirming the renewal of a joint assured shorthold tenancy qualify as written confirmation, even though the other joint tenant does not wish to renew?
You're going to wish you'd never started this aren't you?
Let us know when you've finished sorting your briefs Eric ..... (and will they go with your tights?)
That's bound to get moderated
KAteH - we're all in work too, but kept busy which is probably better than your situation? 4 more hours to go here!
madmary (15) I was once told that a defence solicitor's job is to get dangerous people out of police stations as fast and with as few restrictions on their liberty as possible so that they can go back out and do more dangerous things. Is that true?
My first day back and first 3 patients did not turn up. One called in at lunch time with humble pie. Last three are a family so if they come I'll be finished by 4.15. I may then just shut up the practice and go home early or if guilt gets to me will send my receptionist home and sit downstairs pretending!
Eddie, How good are you on employment law? I want to know whats the fairset way to split bank holiday hours for the staff? All part time. :=)
I loved the Incredibles!
Eddie, hope you're making everyone's cups of tea while they are all on air & you are skiving? Oops, not to self; legalities are not trivia Sparkles, but what does happen on the tea round?
I once worked for large team in large retail HQ & had to fetch about 10 coffees each round, it was a machine so the tea was undrinkable, it also took at least 15 minutes which was horrid when it was busy & not much better when bored! If this subject hasn't bored you all, do pray tell how it operates where you work.
Helen Sparkles (22): re. the coffee round.
Where I work it doesn't (work). My day job is doing freelance IT support in primary schools and no one ever, EVER makes me a brew. And despite continuous gushes of gratitude I got 3 Christmas cards from 5 schools worth of teachers and admin bods this year.
I used to work in an office where everyone had coffee or tea every quarter hour. I couldn't manage anything like that much so would politely refuse most times. It got to the point where no one bothered asking me. But if I got up and made myself one I would get attacked for not offering everyone else one.
KAtHe
You back from lunch yet?
No such chance here. We're sitting here practising slumping alertly.
HelenSparkles (23) : Where I work there is only one other worker (my SO).
After sharing the first mega teapot of the day, we mainly fend for ourselves, as I like a variety of colours of tea (green, red, white) and he quite likes coffee.
I usually cook lunch, on the spurious grounds that SO claims not to understand how I eat any more. This stems from a very successful year on a low-carb diet when I lost over 3 stone ... now I eat more or less normally but still limit the spuds rice pasta bread.
More tea/coffee excursions, plus journeys to the kitchen if Daisy happens to wake up - because if she's awake she thinks she's hungry, during the afternoon.
And then I usually cook dinner (see lunch, above) or else SO does something with takeaways and a telephone.
It's a simple system that works OK for us. I hope you all feel suitably enlightened and jealous! No machine muck for us!
Fifi
The trick is Jason to drink the nastiest brew. Nobody asks me to make them a drink because my coffee is the strongest coffee in the world. I happen to like it that way, but nobody else does.
Mary
Stewart at 22
Are they contractually entitled to bank holidays in addition to normal leave? How many days a week do you operate? What does their contract say? What has been the custom and practice on the situation?
There may not be a straightforward answer since most of the application of the untested bits of employment law is based on case law determined by the decisions at the Employment Appeals Tribunal. And their decisions are based (sometimes) on legal points, rather than fairness.
Try your local CAB, some have an employment law specialist.
To the tune of the old Spiderman cartoon theme:
Eddie Mair, Eddie Mair,
He fights crime when he's not on air,
In his costume, made of lycra,
And a souped-up Nissan Micra,
Look out! Here comes PM-Man!
Unlike Spidey, he doesn't spin,
He tells the truth and rarely sins,
He asks the questions to find the truth,
With weasely guests he has no ruth,
Ooo-oo! Eddie is PM-man...
I try and work it on a pro rata basis which I think is the way the contract is written. So if you work 2/5 of a week you get 2/5 of a bank holiday. That to me is fair.
The other way to look at it is, if you work Monday and monday is a bank holiday you get the day off, If you don't then tough. This is unfair as one staff member always works mondays, the other never.
I certainly don't want to be a test case!!
OK. Having done the course..I can get you ALL off. In a legal sense. The Duke Hussey story, on legal advice, might have to wait till Tuesday. And Jason (2) what IS it with Man C????
I'm now having a "Fred from Cars" moment - Lightning McQueen knows my name!
Erm, well, Man City. It's a money thing, really. Once promising club hit a low at the moment that Sky threw cash at football. Their keeper went left but missed. So happily yo yo ever after. But a lovely ground and an entertaining manager. I never said this but, in the final weeks of last season, he was the only thing worth watching.
And those of us that you can't get off, I can represent at interview in the police station. Provided you are under 17. And provided your mum or dad won't show.
Appropriate Adults do it with PACE.
"My day job is doing freelance IT support in.. "
Jason you must be the man to answer my question from last night? No? Why has Y*uTube stopped working? it says I have disabled javascript or need a new version of m*acromedia fl*shplayer (downloaded that 6 times and it keeps saying that it is installed)? Any ideas what's up?
Did we ever get the Jack Straw interview?
Anyway just being serious for a moment and I should have posted this yesterday really but too lethargic then to bother - now I feel a rant coming on.
there was that army guy all over the news programs saying that 'our lads' arent getting the support they deserve from us back home.
Now I find that odd. I am one of those people Tony Bleaaggh said he didn't understand because I was against the war but donated lavishly to Christmas parcels for servicemen out in Iraq etc - as the only concrete way that I could show my support for them. He said that wasn't a position anyone could take as I remember it; against the war but supportive of the troops,?He 'didn't geddit'.
No? What do they teach at these private schools? and on law degrees? obviously not subtlety of thought. Or expression. Or how to distinguish between a thing being done and the poor saps who have no choice but to do it.
So here I am, against the war but for the troops. And what more can I do? I'm just wondering what this military bod is really wittering about when NC says 'why should the public support you' and Colonel Neddy says 'Because they sent us to war.'
NO NO NO NO NO COLONEL NEDDY. I DID NOT SEND YOU TO WAR. I DID NOT WANT YOU TO GO TO WAR. MILLIONS LIKE ME SAID THE SAME. WE DID NOT WANT YOU TO GO THERE. WE DID NOT WANT YOU FIGHTING IRAQUIS ON A TRUMPED UP EXCUSE. WE DID NOT WANT TO LOOK TO THE REST OF THE WORLD LIKE SHRUB'S POODLES.WE DID NOT WANT OUR COUNTRY'S MILITARY EMBROILED IN THE TOTAL MESS WE KNEW IRAQ WOULD BECOME.
All that happened. But not by the will of the public. You want support, you go and ask Bleaaggh to come and visit your troops in Iraq. And bring his wife and children with him. He was the one that sent you. Not us.
And by the way if what you really mean is that you want a bigger defence budget then for goodness' sake have the nerve to say that straight out instead of whining on about how your lads aren't supported and blaming the poor bloody taxpayer for lettinghthem down. It wasn't us that sent soldiers out on patrol with duff equipment and no body armour.
Whew - didn't realise quite how annoyed I was about that until I got going. But now I feel better.
Good song, SSCat!
Re Dukie Hussey - had forgotten he was the one who sacked Alasdair Milne. Or had him sacked.
remember the raid on ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Scotland, Eddie?
Where can I take the online barrister course?
Jason can represent people Eddie can't get off, marymary can defend them, & I could write about it all on my blog. I like a task divied up! Probably why I raised the tea round issue...
I used to get everyone else's, but got really fed up with it taking so long, until I realised it meant I could hit the misnomer of an espresso button repeatedly & get coffee in my mug which had the taste of spending some time with (coffee) beans at some point in its recent past.
When I moved jobs, I got out of the tast completely by taking a mini cafetiere in, because there was a proper kitchen, & I just don't like instant coffee. The alternative was putting money on a plastic card, to use in the cafe, which I kept losing anyway.
Nobody else ever made my (very strong coffee madmary!), because it was too complicated so I was off the hook for theirs.
In a social work office teamaking was a brilliant opportunity for interesting chatting. I was working with a fab team of people, even if I was completely out of my depth on the work front (as a student on placement), which was a deeply unpleasant experience except for the tea chats! I suspect the replacement placement will be more boring but more manageable. It is in Feb BTW so I will need lots of hugs, it is really horrid to be under scrutiny like that, as I am sure people have experienced in other roles.
Right now, I make my own, because I'm 'working' at home, but it is SO's job otherwise because he otherwise could forget where the kitchen is.
Where is Dr Hackenbush? I suddenly realised we haven't heard from him for ages. Doc - are you out there?
Today I got one of those wonderful "home" catalogues - you know, the sort that sell the clutter that fills your home & that you spend the rest of the year trying to get rid of. Instead of putting it straight in the recycling like I usually do, today I looked through it. And what a treasure trove it was!
Battery operated heated gloves & waistcoat (in the days when I did outdoor concerts I think I might have bought the gloves, but can't think when I'd use them now. )
A folding dog ramp (£40)for the car - when you take the dog for a walk, but he's too decrepit to climb back in the car afterwards. Begs the question of how much of a walk he's capable of doing if he needs a ramp for the car, but lets leave that...
Foam-built, fleece -covered steps (£40) for same dog to climb onto sofa. Boy, he really is past it, isn't he?
An electric water fountain for dogs & cats. Fresh running water (except it is stored in a plastic reservoir & recycled constantly). Honestly, you're just spoiling that dog.£50 or £70 (big dog size)
But my absolute favourite, (Lissa - are you taking note - Mr Knibbs needs this!) is the "Faux wicker litter tray cover". £40. Showed this to daughter, & explained what "faux" meant. Then asked - so what do you think this litter tray cover is made of? "Plastic". Yep. Got it in one. I note they've missed a trick though - although you can hide the sight of cat litter, you can't hide the pong. There should be an inbuilt battery -operated fan with automatic deodorising spray released every 15 minutes. Oh, I'm scaring myself now, I'll have to stop. But, the very best bit?"Litter tray not included"
I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Eddie - I need your help now you've got all the legal stuff sorted. I may need to sue the company for libel or something, as the front page of my copy says "Dear Mrs X (misspelt, & calls me Mrs which I don't use)...as someone who enjoys catalogue shopping..." blah blah . I ask you, is that an insult (as well as being a lie) or not? Can I take them for all they've got? Or at least get a discount on the litter tray cover?
Hey, good to hear from you again Roberto! You can take the Law course anywhere you want... but not at high speed as that's probably aginst the law.
Am I being too subtle here....? nahhh... I mean, who ever heard of anyone joy-riding an online law degree...?
Eddie??!?!!!
bloomin' eck!!
I just noticed - I'm the strapline!!
(blush) I'd like to thank my mother and father and family and niece (hello Amy) and and and....
hmmmmm, now that I've noticed, who the hell can I tell at 23.37 before it changes at midnight?????
[sigh]
nah - didn't get to tell anyone about me once being a strapline.....
ho hum.....
these things used to last a week didn't they....?
[sigh]
anyway, its enough that people here noticed....
both of you.......
;¬´Ê
Re: Whisht, the nice (or not) thing is that at least your comment about the strapline will be archived forever!
Should we ask Lissa for a daily strapline posting. Perhaps should take screenshots.
It's all sounding very sad and I'll try to go to bed now.
Dracula and 'prisoner breakout' haunted me and I couldn't sleep :-(
I should have kept to listening to the Radio.
Re: Annasee,
I love the dog fountain idea -- our little Rupert would love it.
Not sure of the whereabouts of Dr H though. He may have not approved of Nigel being a suitable stand-in for Eddie
Only joking Dr H -- You'll get it anyway ;-)
Helen Sparkles (37) - how did you manage to keep losing a cafe? Surely once it's lost it's, well, lost.
Valery P (33) it's difficult to diagnose the problem at such distance - I only have short screwdrivers. If it were me I would be restarting the computer first (cures 99% of all known problmes - dead), then uninstalling all the related things (the flash drivers, the browser you are using, any music cds of poor taste) and reinstalling them again (bar the cd). Please remember, though, that I do Primary Schools - we tend to discourage 5 year olds from YouTube.
Valery P (33) - I have just been informed that the YouTube site has been undergoing maintenance so the problem may not be at your end. Before any of the other advice, try loggin on there again and seeing if they still show as being maintained.
Can I just echo the sentiment, "what is it with Man City?"... I've always considered sympathising with City as something more akin to an affliction than a lifestyle choice. I suppose it's a bit like smoking - you might start dabbling when you're really a bit too young to be sensible. Perhaps you want to emulate your ever so slightly cool friends and so mistakenly associate what you think they are with what it is that they do and before you know it, perhaps you've got a scarf or a bobble hat. Oh, I was making an analogy with smoking - well, I'm sure you get the drift. But that's it, you're hooked - you try to give it up but you can't help checking out "ceefax" or, these days, the web, to see how things are going. But it never changes. People who don't understand suggest that you simply swap your allegiance to They Who Must Not Be Named. And because being a City sympathiser is in fact a direct expression of the human condition, it is not possible to settle into an acceptance of ultimate mediocrity - it taps into the innate belief that whatever travails you have suffered today, tomorrow is a new day, and therefore worthy of new hope. In essence, then, having an emotional investment in how City perform (and "do") is a form of living purgatory.
Did I see a headline today saying that there is a belief that a "cover-all" flu vaccine is round the corner? Perhaps it will help with City sympathising too.
John H (45) - take a read of the very first posting on my blog for an alternate route to this affliction. Click on my name and look at the September part of the archive.
AA @ 34 YES YES YES, beautiful, I really couldn't have put it better. VERY well said.
Annasee @ 38, what a joy they are. I got well known household equipment catalogue that includes a special banana carrier = Yellow and bent (?), a 'tea bag bin', 'porto sippers' the description of which defies logic- you pour the port into glasses with an integral straw, then suck the stuff through the straw to 'prevent the port from oxidising' - even though it's in an open glass!
Hours of fun.
SS Cat (29) Love it!! Hahaha!
Am I the only one thinking that I always knew Eddie could get us all off?...
Jason, thanks for the loan of your screwdriver. Tried your suggestions, but alas and alack, no solution yet....
btw 10 years ago when involved with our local primary school, the most enterprising user of the IT facilities was the P7 teacher - who was smacked on the back of the hand for doing the T*sco online grocery order at school!
Appy -48 - you just might be the only one who said it.
Jonnie - if you want the address for the dog fountain, email me & I'll dig it back out of the recycling bag. I had to bin it - I was spending hours looking at all the things I wasn't going to buy. Most of them "faux" something or other.
Whisht - I noticed you were the strapline last night! I did! I did! Next time I looked it had changed. That Cinderella moment...
Aperitif (48), now should that have been moderated or is that just me?! (-: