³ÉÈËÂÛ̳

That stroll over from the previous beach has sharpened my appetite nicely.

I'll get that bacon sizzling and some rolls buttered up for eleven o'clock geralds!

Ah, a nice new Beach - and just as my heating was restored in RL!


Drinks all round.

I'd like to announce that I'm resigning from this week's beach because I found out from looking at someone else's 'phone that my bodyguard has had an affair with one of the camels. This has rendered my position here, sitting on a deckchair, completely untenable.

Not nearly as untenable as the bodyguard's position, mind you.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to resign from The Beach as well. I knew all along that The Cat was looking at other peoples’ phones but I pretended that I didn’t. And I’ve informed the RSPCA about the mistreatment of the camel.

I can today confirm that I've resigned as deckchair attendant for the Stainless Steel Cat on this week's beach.

It's been a privilege and an honour to work for the SSC for three-and-a-half hours.

I'm extremely proud of the part I've played in helping him sit on a deck chair.

Unfortunately, continued coverage of the affair of his bodyguard with one of the camels has made it difficult for me to give the 110 per cent needed in this role.

PS I am resigned to the fact that my resignation is unlikely to stop the rumours circulating about my earlier involvement with the bodyguard in question, but I would like to make it clear that there is no truth in these rumours.

Nice deckchair, don't mind if I do.

Do what, Lucien? Today is not a good day for 'doing'.

I'd better pass on this statement from my bodyguard:

'I *had* been advised by a vet, a priest and a solicitor that my relationship with the camel was unwise, unnatural and illegal, but since I had not officially asked them, I took the view that it was in fact perfectly fine and that the three would realise this once they knew all the facts. The facts being that if they didn't say it was fine, I'd stick my fingers in my ears and shout, 'La-la-la, I can't hear you!"'

So that's all right then.

Eddie. Please ask Andrew Lansley why neither he or anyone else in he UK parliament say England when speaking specifically about English issues. I'm sure the answer would be very interesting.

The recommended period of time having passed since my resignation at (4) above, I now feel able to utilse the skills, expertise and knowledge that I gained in my Beach career. Please think of me as a taxi for hire.

The Cat has my phone number if anyone wants to contact me. He has plenty of other phone numbers as well, if you're interested.

I must deny that I have any 'phone numbers, not even my own, and I should inform my equine friend that I have engaged Mssrs Raker-Muck to protect my reputation against slanders, libels and lurgi.

I feel it is time to put my past behind me and move onto new pastures; I shall be devoting my time now to the blogs of Nick Robinson, Stephanie Flanders, the news editors, ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Comedy and that bloke with the thing, until such time as I can be sneaked back onto the Beach without anyone noticing. (Probably next week.)

Just don't defect to Peston's Picks, Cat, or there'll be no way back ;)

Is this one of those beaches along the Camel trail in Cornwall...........

I’m afraid I’m also going to have to resign from The Beach.

I have known all along that The Stainless Steel Cat was using his feline telescopic powers to look at other peoples’ phones and that the Occasional Equine was in on it.....but....*sob* I was in denial.

By the way the RSPCA are here looking for Roger the Camel or something.

I've been reading this blog, & have found out lots of secrets about some people. I'm willing to spill the beans for the right price. The true stories behind those so-called resignations, for instance. Cat. Horse. P Nutt. You're all in trouble now.
But if you'd like to retrain we might be able to get you a placement managing a fund-holding consortia by next week. Whadd'ya say? It makes sense for you to climb aboard now, while the money's there, surely?

There's a vacancy in Downing Street, Annasee - Perhaps we should put their names forward? ;)

annasee 16, Did Shirley resignate?

Annasee (16) - Can I claim expenses, second home allowance, tennis court maintenance grant and 2nd wife subsidy, etc.?

Let's try that again:
Horsie, I know your area code...

Yes Dave, you'll find it's the same for 100% of the Northern Ireland population!
Nothing gets past you, does it?

Fake shakes all round, courtesy of Andy Coulson.
Mine's a strawberry

Oops, I gave you a raspberry, Lucien - Apologies! ;)

TIH 21, Did I say anything about N Irl? Has 5 or 6 phone books now instead of one. Or did the last time I looked up McN in the library.

TheIrishHorse 21, Did you know that everybody in the US has a basic telephone number that begins with 555?

25 dav
You watch too much telly.

ld 26, Laura Norder?

ld 26, Roger Melly?

I have been eating a Hot Cross Bun, must be Easter already.

Ln 29, Invented at St Albans Abbey, you know. (No, not the ones you are eating.) And, no, I won't argue about it. M&YouKnowWho had them at the check out on Wednesday.

Darn you lucien, I'm still whistling "Little Boxes"!

And my new treehouse looks like a lego building...

Time for Eggheads. Dyed for Easter.

Here you are Ellis ... something to help get Little Boxes out of your head.

Too late I'm just a plastic man in a plastic house on a photoshop beach....

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

, silly me!

Where's your earworm gone?

Wow - everyone has resigned? Great. I get a better hammock then. Glass of red anyone?

30. davmcn
Oh yeah, there has been some debate about this. The problem is that other people made buns with a cross shape on them but St Albans Abbey put a Christian cross on them.

My mum is old and she has always lived in the Diocese of St Albans and she was eating hot cross buns when she was little. So they must have been eaten in the St Albans area in historical times and that is a long time ago.

My children tell me that the Victorians ate hot cross buns, Loot. Amazing what they teach them in schools these days...

I can't hear the jukebox. The winch in my treehouse is too noisy...

Oh yes please, Alan.

Selective deafness... brilliant plan!

Is that a New Zealand 'winch'?

All those posts about resignations (earlier up) did make me laugh. You are a funny lot!

lucien, you'd better mind yourself! That winch might have strings attached.

I'm told they always do ... but what would I know?

40. Alan_N
Ah but do your kids know if Churchill ate Hot Cross Buns.

Looternite, who cares?

We have all sorts of cakes available from the cool counter. Help yourself

Dickens definitely ate Hot Cross Buns. And in WW1 hot cross buns were sent to the troops in the trenches to help them celebrate Easter, however they went a bit soggy in the terribly damp conditions, so that's how bread pudding was invented, by an enterprising army chef trying to avoid wasting the soggy buns. Gospel.
Anyone else read Eddie's column in the Radio Times this week?

Eddie has a column? Like Nelson? Do tell us more annasee. What exactly (I can already feel my teeth resenting this question) is 'bread pudding'? I know what bread and butter pudding is but bread pudding? Sounds a tad, well, gooey, to say the least.

Preparing to be enlightened.

I think you'll find Eddie's a common tater.

Morning Peeps, Froggers, Frogging Peeps & Peeps-a-Frogging!

Tea, coffee and full English, Welsh, Scottish and Irish* breakfasts now available at NCs

The Orange Juice Fountain has been replenished by the Big Sister Tonker so eat heartily, if not healthily, and have a stunning Saturday.

(*other national breakfast meals are also available)

I'll have a full Brazilian, please, Mr Nutt.

TIH 35, The last time I was in the library in ST Albans I was shocked to see that a country as small as N Ireland DID have 4 or 5 phone books. The previous time, there was only one. I was surprised because I didn't know that many people in N Ireland had telephones or even knew what they were.

ld 50, Not a King Edward then?

54. davmcn
Maybe a Home "Service" Guard, apparently it has good scab resistance.

mi lady?

Both of my Grandmothers made this and a slice first thing in the morning would last me all day!

56. P Nutt
Thanks for the link, brought back memories.
My mum used to make either "Bread and Butter" pudding or Bread pudding, depending on amount of bread and time.

We didn't have it often as bread used to be eaten before it got stale.

Don't have stale bread nowadays as it goes mouldy before it goes stale.

Don't have stale bread nowadays as it goes mouldy before it goes stale.

I've noticed that too, I wonder why?

I used to love bread pudding and custard as a youngster; custard was compulsory in my youthful opinion.

Thinking about it I have not yet had custard in 2011. *starts ransacking the dry store for the appropriate powdered goods*

Jam goes furry these days, because they put less sugar in it ... as we asked them.

Sid, I buy jam made without any added sugar (that expensive French stuff made with fruit juice concentrate) I keep it in the fridge & it never goes mouldy or furry. What sort of jam are you buying?? ;-)

Keep shop bread in the fridge, our kitchens are too warm and moist these days which is partly why fridges got bigger.

My wife makes both bread pudding and bread and butter pudding. She uses Delia's recipe for b&b using marmalade, and brioche instead of bread.

Keeping bread in a fridge, while making it last longer, is not generally recommended, as I understand it, Anne. Apparently, it draws out the moisture and therefore makes the bread go stale more quickly ....

Try wrapping in a plastic bag and seal with a clippit.

Wem puit cheap sliced bread in the freezer and it lasts for years.

61. Anne P

I keep my bread in the fridge, it does last longer but does eventually go mouldy.

60. annasee

Jam, I generally don't eat it nowadays.

When I was a kid during the fruit-picking season, we would be sent out to pick blackberries. We would return with blackberry juice all round our mouths and a basket of fruit.
Then one of us would be sent up to my grandmother's to get the brass preserving/jam pan. It was donkey's years old even then. Nobody knows what happened to it, carrying it back was awkward and so we would put it over our heads.
Then my mum would make apple and blackberry jam or blackberry jelly, using a muslin cloth to strain out the bits. She would also make damson jam, blackcurrant jam, and almost anything to hand.

We would have to take it in turn to stir the jam and not let it stick or burn. Then my mum would test a bit, and then we would help pour it into the jam jars. From memory, we would place a circle of greaseproof paper on top and then a cellophane cover. This was first wetted and as it dried out the cellophane would go tight as a drum. Labels added and we would write the labels in our best hand.
Jam labels and the tops etc were brought from Woolworths.
Around 1960 or so, we were instructed not to collect blackberries if they had a white powder on them. It was not mildew but probably DDT that was being sprayed everywhere.

We had our "secret" blackberrying places that we would return to year after year. That were away from the fields and so not likely to have a lot of chemical on them.
My mum also made wine but that was later in the early 1960s. I think the law may have changed or the paraphernalia became available.

Once opened the jam was eaten fairly quickly. A neighbour used to give us some of her jam and quite often, it would have mould on it, we just used to remove the mould and eat the perfectly good jam. The mould if I remember would only be a spot or so.

Anyway, this reference to jam has brought back such memories of the mid to late 50s and early 60s. A bygone age, when the world was so different.

looternite, lots of us still make jam, the problem is fewer of us actually eat it! Screw on tops have replaced the wax circles, cellophane and rubber bands, but otherwise the process is the same and still as enjoyable I think.

68. Anne P

I bet your jam tastes better than the shop bought stuff.

Was jam made with preserving sugar, or am I mistaken.

It was as it dissolves better having larger crystals, although it's not essential, and these days you can also buy jam sugar with added pectin. I'm not sure how easy it is to buy pectin alone. It used to be sold in bottles for adding to strawberry and other low pectin fruit. You tested pectin levels with meths - something else it's probably harder to buy now :-)

I was rather disturbed to see Ruth in the Edwardian Farm apparently bottling fruit without either sterilising the jars or pasteurising the contents - was I alone?

70. Anne P

I also noticed Ruth not baking her Kilner jars before use.
Maybe she had prepared them earlier.

Ln, I make redcurrant jam to eat with game and lamb. You can still buy jars of pectin. (Checks spelling...)

Ln, I use any old jars and put them in the microwave with hot water in them for several minutes. I top the jam with candle wax.

73. davmcn
Candle wax? Is that the recycled candles from St Albans Cathedral.

From Beach to Beach!

Away from Aber Beach through the hills behind the town. There, the whole sky was blue and white stripes, with the widest parallel bands of white cloud I have ever seen.
Blue and white bands of equal width ran east-west. Twelve such band pairs filled the whole sky north to south.

The sun was hot in our faces as we crossed the Dyfi Bridge. We turned up past Corris, where Dick the shepherd must surely blow his nails, for icicles, three feet long still, at lunch time today, hung by the rock wall by the side of the road! All weekend the frost had refused to relent there, the trees festooned, the stone walls of slate, layered by the builders exactly as the strata of the original rock can run, now clothed in cloaks of alpaca-fleece ice.

We were glad to descend into the Tal-y-llyn Valley where the lake was a perfect reflection of the hills above it.

We had just enough time to return to our own Beach to see an exquisite sunset.

We wondered what a meterologist would call the cloud type we had admired. We resolved to eshew the internet and wait till we next visit my father-in-law. He has an excellent poster in his loo displaying every kind of cloud type. Others may keep a novel by them to pass the time in situ but he was a librarian and books have their proper place.
He paints. Excellently. We thought we would tease him that nature itself, in a still lake surface, is the perfect artist.
I remembered as a boy seeing my boyhood hero paint an obelisk set behind a lake and wondering why the people walking their dogs in the picture were upside down as he put the finishing touches to his painting.
My mobphone photo of the icicles, the wall and the hanging dead roots had looked like a deep ice cave. I was pleased at the trompe l'oeil. But then Corris had looked like Naters in winter

On the Beach the sun found a strip of cloud and became a visible disc, another moon but less bright than those we had seen last week.
They say it is we who bring beauty to nature, from the time we saw animals in shapes on cave walls, but we must acknowledge nature's deliberate camoflagues when we boast of finding and creating its visual puns.

Morning Peeps!

Sorry breakfast is a bit late this morning but I feel a bit out of sorts.

Anyhoo, tea, coffee and crossaunts now available at NCs.

Now if you don't mind I am going to grab my towel and enjoy the sunshine.

76. P Nutt

I do hope you're not out of all sorts?

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

2/10. See me.

24. At 5:32pm on 21 Jan 2011, davmcn wrote:
TIH 21, Did I say anything about N Irl? Has 5 or 6 phone books now instead of one. Or did the last time I looked up McN in the library.

35. At 6:16pm on 21 Jan 2011, The Intermittent Horse:
davmcn (24) - You make two short planks appear incredibly thin. Northern Ireland didn't have 5 or 6 phone books the last time you looked up yourself in the library. It never has had 5 or 6 phone books.


78. At 10:32am on 24 Jan 2011, davmcn wrote:
.... I have in front of me four (4, count 'em) photocopied pages from four (4, count 'em) N Ireland telephone directories.

Maths clearly not a strong point! Or maybe the numbers are shrinking in line with the intellect.

78. davmcn

Some years ago a university analysed name distribution and the movements of people around the UK.

They used census data and compared data from some time in the 1800s and more upto date data. I checked my family name and in the 1800s people with the same surname as me were concentrated in West Scotland and Northern Ireland. Nowadays we are more spread out, but still more concentrated in the original places.

My mothers maiden name was more prominent in Hertfordshire, Essex and South Bucks.
I have noticed that telephone directories are a lot slimmer now because so many people are ex-directory or are not with BT.

78. davmcn

Then of course there is the "Yellow Pages" directories.

TIH 80, I was guessing the first time. You will do anything except admit that you were wrong. And I have better things to do than copy and paste your posts.

TIH 80, Care to discuss calculus or differential equations?

TIH80, The Witch of Agnesi?

Ln 81, They were discussing the thinness of directories on TV the other day and whether they might disappear. Not because of thinness.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Have been woken from my morning snooze by a chickadee wurbling in the palm trees ... so, coffee's on (tea too, if you make it yourself), and there's a variety of sticky buns/cakes available ...

davmcn (83) - You say: "You will do anything except admit that you were wrong."
I'll word this very simply so that even you might understand the question: What was I wrong about?

Time for tea, with home-made scones and hedgerow fruits jelly. Tuck in.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Yum!

Ha ha TIH.
Anne - you are so right about the jam making! I used to make it but now as I don't eat it I can't justify making it. But I still pick blackberries, freeze them & add them to apple crumble, or to smoothies, can't bear to see them go to waste!
Previous to that, my memories of jam making & of helping my mother were exactly the same as Looternites (though we used a stainless-steel stockpot, not a brass one). My mother often used to get bits of mould on the jam, naturally we'd just scrape it off & eat the rest. Drew the line at the jar I found in the cupboard last trip though. It must have been there some years, topped with cellophane which had given way, and overrun with ants. Horror movie stuff!

TIH 89, I'm not going back to check. Got better things to do. That's up to you.

I's easy to slag someone off when they don't know who you are, innit? A bit like wearing a balaklava.

Or maybe a baklava.

I see where the Burrowed Frow is now closed for comment. Why? Will there be a new one?

TIH wherever, Besides, there are 5 or 6 directories. I just found the fifth and it is the business directory with three entries with my name in it. So, you is wrong.

96 dav
They'll close down the beach too if you carry on like this ... why don't you have a nice cup of tea with one of Anne's scones and chill out.
That baklava looks really good on you.

ld 98, TIH started it, Talk to him. They can close down the whole blog for all I care. I have a forum that I use that isn't so sensitive. Take a look at the Delphi Forum, Idle Chit-Chat.

Ahh ... but on other blogs you don't get national radio presenters showcasing your art.