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Tom Morton has volunteered to share with us his top tales from the Tom Morton Show every week...

Top tales this week have included an exploration of goats, not the men who stare at them but what exactly a '' is. (Old Testament, from the practice during the Day of Atonement of releasing a goat metaphorically loaded with Israel's sins, into the wilderness). This led, on Tuesday to a discussion on the orgins of the word 'scape' - thanks to Barbie for that enquiry. And the odd revelation that the green shoots that emerge from the top of bulbs are known as 'garlic scapes'. Scape is the same as escape, in case you were worried, meaning departure or separation, as well as the obvious.

Strange objects people have had stolen (including the rear view mirror from an Austin A40, when a cash-loaded wallet was in the car; a left-foot cowboy boot, leaving the right-foot one behind, and a pair of tartan pyjama trousers, not while they were being worn). And then there were the parking fines, prompted by news that the . Alan informed us that it is illegal to park in the USA (a) more than 12 inches from the kerb and (b) in the opposite direction to traffic flow. You have been warned.

Top tale this week comes from Kevin's Old Man, though, on those little slips you make, Freudian or no. This was occasioned by the interview the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳'s own dear Alan Yentob gave to the during his trip to Glastonbury, when he was asked if he came to the festival often. He took some slight umbrage apparently: "I come to Glyndebourne all the time" he replied...Anyway. Here's Kevin's Old Man:

"My mate at work is very proud of his nephew who plays in the . His parents, when the football star was a wee boy, once went to a fortune teller. My confused colleague tells everyone proudly - aye they knew he would be a great player - the ventriloquist foresaw it in the future! "