That's Entertainment
As most of you are probably aware by now, Russell Brand has indeed left the building. Yes at this precise moment, as your eyes peruse through this very page, somewhere on a small tropical island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean; a rather tall Essex boy with long dark hair is prancing around vigorously practicing his "Sexy Dancing" for hours and hours on end. Hawaii is most certainly the place and ol' Russ has recently been hob-nobbing with Hollywood moguls, film stars and hopefuls on the set of his latest movie.
And what of the rest of us? (I hear you cry.... er...perhaps not...). Well, Mr Nibs is in training, executing special manoeuvres in preparation for his next mission. Mikey (our engineer) has been busy tending to his ever-increasing (ahem) female fan-base. Matt's been settling into his new flat and is thoroughly engrossed in writing TV scripts and inventing stuff. Christophe's behaviour has however been getting stranger and stranger; he's apparently taken to wearing dark shades and a protective mask and has made a bid to buy the Elephant Man's skeleton!
As for myself, I went to East Africa for a few days to help with a charity project that aims to bring electricity to a remote village. Actually, I only arrived back in London late last Thursday evening. No sooner had I stepped off the plane, I was warmly greeted by a welcoming text from the lovable Mikey, "Hey Gee, can you be in the studio to record a show at 5:30 tomorrow morning?". I rolled my eyes to heaven and had to call back to double check. It seemed that apparently Russell had been out riding his horse along the beach and suddenly declared to the world that he wished to record a show in a few hours!
Now I don't know what spiritual vision or flash of inspiration had crossed his equestrian mind, but I do know that countless commands were barked across the oceans as a result of it. The next thing I knew, I found myself alongside Matt and Mikey at an ungodly hour in the morning in the radio studio that Tim Westwood normally uses. We were not a pretty sight to behold: looking tired, broke and busted with big happy shopper bags under our eyes, we all trundled in to do the show. Sadly we're no longer top of the podcast charts anymore (we've been beaten by The Apprentice). This is a shame, as I had hoped that Westwood was going to "Pimp out" the ice cream van that we were ordering to celebrate being No 1.
Speaking to Russell long-distance though was different matter. Before he'd flown out he'd been all hyped-up and excited about going off to shoot the movie, but now he was sounding a little bit forlorn and homesick. Even the torrential outburst of Westwood's notorious gunshot and siren sound effects seemed to somehow add to his longing and reminiscing. It's strange what you find yourself missing about home when you're away isn't it? Matt was once out in Australia and heard the Jam's "That's Entertainment" playing on the radio, he then got instantly nostalgic for the U.K. I once spent some time in Brazil and I remember getting all excited when I found a small bottle of Worcester Sauce in some tiny restaurant!
So in order to make Russell feel a little closer to home, send him your well wishes and a little memory of Blighty to comfort him. It could be pictures of your home town, lyrics to a Chas 'N' Dave song, even a story about living abroad and missing Jammy Dodgers... anything!
Straight Coasting
Coast to Coast, Pacific to Atlantic,
London calling Hawaii, transmission glitches are gigantic,
Delays in transit, explaining movie studio antics,
Sporting Rash-Tops and Thongs, horse riding's looking frantic!
Russell seems to be homesick, hoping to get home quick,
Finding solace in a Westwood jingle, wishing he could own it,
Alone with the No 2 spot on the podcast charts?
Download quick before the ice cream trip takes place on an ice cream cart!
Please have a heart ;)
Coast to Coast, Atlantic to Pacific,
Hawaii calling London, Russ to Matt to be specific,
Noel sounding off, but sometimes fame "lost" can mean freedom gained,
Unless dropping all those bombs lands us in Guantanamo Bay(!)
Come home Rusty! The yanks so won't get you so don't waste your time hun! There's also far too much temptation over there and they can't play footie as good as us Brits (at the moment, that's really saying something!)
Give us a live show soon - the pre-records are good but the live shows ROCK!
CtD x x
You seem like a man of the world Mr.Gee, jetsetting around the globe, picking up kitchen commodities in each continent, Worcester Sauce in Brazil, Ketchup in Africa, Reggae Reggae Sauce in Australia... God knows what else.
What new movie is Russell starring in (by the way) that requires him to do these things - sounds like the bible if it was written by the same people that created baywatch, with the 'Jesus look-a-like' roaming around an exotic location, occasionally surfing and of course, the piece de resistance, a sexy dance.
Maybe its kinda like 'When the Flinstones met the Jetsons' where George Jetson goes to the modern stone age (Russell - Hawaii) and then Fred Flinstone goes to the future (Lukela - England).
Instead of tearing Mr.Brand away from his movie, get him to marry Wilma and then get some Haiwiian bloke in from the street and give him a radio show - with hilarious results.
Carry on writing them poems Mr.Gee and for goodness sake, keep it cool.
I worked out in Greece for a few months and I used to get my mum to post me tins of heinz baked beans (other beans are available but she didn't post them). Wots the name of this film and when are we going to see it?
We all miss the big fella!!!! Does anyone know when he is coming home?????????????
The show is all well and good, and I enjoy your random banter. But really I am shocked at the blatant lack of Pok茅mon related material on the show. Having a popular podcast (number 2, sorry about that) like you do I thought few references to the world Pok茅mon would be made. I have listened to five episodes now and not even a mention of the word Pok茅mon let alone the various creatures and there special abilities. I heard on your last instalment that you wanted to drum up support, to regain your title of number 1 podcast, and what better way than to get involved with the vast Pok茅mon community. I think you鈥檒l find it to be the quickest solution to your problem.
Yours Hopefully
Level 17 Pok茅mon Master FRANKIE PUME from Norfolk
reminis about the awkward shuffleing into a bus queue, then the silence as you wait for said transport.
RUSSELL!
I know you said nobody really spotted when you got into the airport, but you were.
You were spotted and were in Heat magazine!
The pinnacle of fame...
Enjoy Hawaii, but come home soon!
x
Awwww, never mind, you'll always be my no 1 and anyway, no shame in no 2 huh??????
I downloaded it anyway, to display loyalty but must admit, I am partial to be a bit of Sugar!
x
ooooh dropped from the number one spot ay?
see the golden gooses egg have gone all off now! the backcombed messiah has turned his back on the true fans in blighty in favout of coco nut br5a and grass skirts.....i had tickets for a cancelled gig and everythin guvnor!
whats the movie BTW and how big is rustys part.
in the movie, not his penis as thats his bussiness!
Come home now young man - The Hammers need your dulcet chanting tones at Upton Park!
x x x
Thanks for this gee... a nice update on what's going on! I'm thoroughly upset that ole' russ has been shunned from position on and have been trying to push us back up. It's not working yet....RUSSELL COME BACK TO BLIGHTY
I can really empathise with Russ I am a total home girl and always miss blighty when I'm on foreign shores. Most of all you can't ever get a nice cuppa!!
I think it's my age!!
Come home NOW x x x x x
Russell...............
Since your fansites been updated,I dont know how to easily leave nice warm messages for you.
You have to fill in a dirty great form to get on.
Hope you an Mat are ok. Look forward to show.
Can you PLEASE send some pictures back, of your time in Hawaii!
We all want to see everything, thats there....please?
Set up a sight that can go just below the Radio 2 googly site so I can feel in touch. You can snap happily away, then download them frequently.
Oh and leave a little comment box, so we can say what we think of your life.
Would that be too much like "The Truman Show"?
I,m sure with modern technology you can work your magic.
You,re a national treasure now and we want to know all about you.
Only so we can support you.
I agree with Fluffy Mummy at #13. I've just listened to the podcast from Saturday's show and now have several images of Our Russ adorned in a Jesus-like gettup, with a rash vest looking coy on his surf board and best of all yomping along the beach astride a fine equine beast!
GIVE US SOME PHOTOS!!!!
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, Essex Boy - when are you coming home? Can't you surf/horse ride/sexy dance at Clacton or Canvey Island???
Loved the Noel Gallagher interview - really seeing him in a new (favourable) light, thanks to your show!
Awaiting those photos ......
CtD x x
PS: See Chris Evans' blog - he does photos!
On the show you sed you were goin to leave sum pics on the site. ........Where are they?...........Oh you didne get round to it, so inconsiderate!
Between surfin, ridin the horse prosy, an oogelin Mikeys biceps,theres not a moment in the day, ooh lovees what a trial!
Fittin it all in, what wiv the sunburn adventures.
Now, you obviously left no notice to yer Radio Two chums that you were orft into the Awaiian sunset!
Rossy doesnt evenknow where yous are!
To be honest I fink e was a bit miffed that you didn turn up fe work on Satdiy!
E rather likes comin in your studio and giving a lovely rendision of expletives.
E said "OH I think ez off filming for St Trinians", Then cast a doubtful eye over the appropriation of young girls and dodgy blokes in a school environment bein seen as PC in this day an age.
Praps you cud send im a postcard with Palm trees.
Oi! fat chance, seein you were mentionin about you with pics of you with flowers around yer neck on the web. WHERE... I need stupid instructions to find em.
No, you do need to keep Jonathan sweet as he,ll probably be reviewin yer filmy poo.
Mmm wonder what e,ll say....
" Great location, Lovely leadin lady, SHAME there was No on screen chemistry, she didnt seem overly confident with our star, as he was so GAY goin on about Mike .
Great sun sets,on the back drop of Pearl Arble.
Russell had obviously bin consentratin on is surfin instructor, coz E surfed like a native Hawaiian demon despite is crushed nuts.
Actin was a bit ropey, singin reminded me of my little cat when e wants to come in.
This crazy guy did very wel in is debut,but I think he should keep is day job, as a comedien. Iave to say I laughed my way right through this entertaining spoof of a predictable teen falling for rock star love story."
You cant make a hooar an housewife, the sun as gone to this LONDON bowiys ead, alwight."
Ahh, Im so cruel.
Oh and another thing. Those shows, when you carried over the Dolphin Theme, were not purile or wasted. A comedy show after Jonathan Ross refered to having heard of "dolphins draggin people around by their -------s." I wonder where!
Some of your quotes will be part of the english language soon.
You lovely lot!
I,m Creeping around you all for acid remarks I made!
The photos are lovely!
It didnt enter my mind that it may take a little time to put them up, cracking the whip, regardless of Sunday supposedly being the day of rest.
Sorry guys!
Russell its time to get that hair back combed and laquered again, like Samson, you may lose your powers if you dont.
Its time to put on ure glad rags and get on the back of a moped and see Hawaii!
As no one will bother you there, wherever you go, the anonimity can work in your favour.
Get all the brochures about local things to see and sneak out with some amiable non showbizzy types and live a little.
Be a proper tourist.
Then you,ll get a feel for the warmth of the real Hawaiin lifestyle.
You can never really get a feel for a place if youre cacooned in luxery life, which, when taken in large doses can be horribly tedious and have an indiginous flavour of a cardbourd box.
Away from the unintentional fakery of the sickifants you can throw caution to the wind.
They must give you time off?
You could do some moonlighting and go and doscover the old haunts of the old" Hawaai five O" team. Then when you get home; plan to do a programme rediscovering the old hit tv show. Rather like Justin Lee Copllins did about The A Team.
I,m sure channel four will be up for it!
Then you can re visit your new found second home again.
Now , those photos were very good. You look adourable in the white outfit. Bit exhausted, and sort of shell shocked, and spaced out, will you be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, I dont think so. You have addapted. Not to be mistaken for assimallated
Get that hair goin in yer free time. The americans love big hair sweetie!
No seriously! Any snipes about the tightness of your troosers is an immediate give away of the jealousy of the accuser. The plaintif is innocent me lord.
Ez always bin a very cleanboy!
Bloody hell half of the youth are wearing the skinny pants, and of course only certain lovely men can even get away with them, you being one of course. Theyre FAB. MMM this flannel is becoming disturbing....
Parhaps I will fall into the catogary of a groupie,MM but is there a cryteria?
I hope not. Or youll have to have sub groups of groupies so theres somewhere for mumsies to fit in, sQueesed between the young burlesque types.
I,v got 15 mins left in this I, cafe. Litluns at St Johns ambulance cadets an I av to pic im up in 35 mins.
Its hot in here my skin is drying out as we speak. I could imagine I was a correspondent in Egypt or Beirut tapping away the latest story.
The story is...MM it rained a bit yestarday, Howards end was on telly, Emma did a great job opposite Anthony Hopkins.
Oh ,OH, and we got the first season of the original Starsky and Hutch. Which we savour watching one episode a day.
Its very muggy but I think the swines have turned the heat up in here to get you to buy a coffee.
I,m burning up.
You know what, the heats comin from the screen, so ....if I sit back a little, bit better.
Gotta go soon as the Heat is searing an invisible code on to my face to be read by the secret police at a later date.
So my divine lovers SYONARA, for tonight.
Oh an if your gettin the drinks in mines a malibu and lemon.
Byeee!
WELL! Mr. G! I,m holding you personally responsible, for ruining my Saturday night!
Who eva decided to overrun Sweden with all of Europes nutters to stage the annual Eurovison, a fest for all of the village idiots, saught out from hiding in the recesses of all of the eastern block.
I, m not bieng racist or anti Europe and free love an acceptance for all.
I, m just very depressed that my show wasn,t on.
Now I need to vent my anger, and you seem like the kinda guy who will take it in his stride. True?
Well, thanks anyway G, I think you,r seen as a calming factor in the madness called Russ an Mat do Radio 2.
I, put the radio on, and was greeted by KEN BRUCE!
Ken? Really! At that time of day. NO
So, got into bed and gave the abismal charade a go!
It were no better than watchin QVC!
Terry,s welcome little chuckles of exsasperation said it all, " Ah these Eastern block all voting for themselves. I suppose they see it as a way to be political"
POLITICAL? Fight the war of equilibrium in Europe, by makin underhanded plays at a cloak and daggar sentiment of votin for Serbia.
Oh I SEE, this is the modern day, 21st century way of democratic government and politics, wel judging by what is seen, coming from the top, as suggestions of how to run the country, I cant say it contradicts itself , it all seems to fall into place with ramarkable fluidity.
Dont, I sound stupid when I,m triyin
to sound as if I know what I,m talkin about.
Please excuse.
When it was like QVC I meant the running descriptions of the reprasentatives atire.
" Oh, now thats an unusual top." When guy on screen wearing rhinestone diamonte black lurex top, shining industrial torch in his face in attempt to look a bit cutting edge.
"the German, looks like he,s got a butchers hat on"
chuckle, chuckle.- Terry
- me- He actually looked like the character in the league of gentlemen, bless im, the outfit could have been taken straight from the series, down to the accent and cream tie and waist coat.
-The German teacher that goes to stay with the family with the teenage boy.
When the woman from Russia came on to give her points, Terry said " Ah heres Mrs. Putin". ????
That was funny,
but I didnt laugh cos of mournin for the show.
Again I, m not being horribly nationalistic, Its a trait that comes over one in moments of dellusions of grandiure. Not a lordable persuit.
But when giving up precious Saturday night viewing time,
to watch something as dull as ditch water, that has usurped ones favorite show,
one has to make ones own entertainment.
All the time thinking that, at that time I would normally be filled with the warmth of the guys banter, my face hurting with laugher, with a big rainbow of love hanging over the kitchen.
Its allarming isnt it how dependent I have become on this cycle of weekly events. The countdown. Then the surprising arrival of the precious little show.
Sunday afternoons,mmmm.
Bin Rainin all mornin. Had to put a bucket under hallway roof as water comin in.
No such problem,s to be found in Hawaii.
-Nice internet bar. Avin a brandy, barmans made it a double, so sun will have his hat on.
When I said , its starting to take effect, he said a few more and youll be on my wave lenghth, I said good I need to be on someones wavelength. I seem to have lost the art of intimacy, and have unasumingly developed me own little granite heart. What a tradgedy. One will just have to grab at whisps of love and kiss it as it flies, as William Blake would say. My comment was tellingly detatched. Not really the reply filling him with confidnnce that his kind gestures of automatically replacing drinks is going to pay orft.I hope e dusnt see this now. ooh er!
I used to love Sundays when I was growin up.
Radio 2 playin all the family favorites, "I was born under a wondrin star", and" What a beautiful world" blarin out by Lios Armstrong.
GO to the pub wit me Daddy, an sit in the car wi coke an packet of crisps, then home for a Sunday lunch.
My brother an I helpin Dad wash up, A few tea towel flicks, We would all sing songs like Hitler Has only got one ball.
Then out for a walk with mum with the dogs.
Bath an hair wash night, ad our toenails cut. Dried our hair infront of the fire. Dad would do hot buttery crumpets and steaming strong mugs of tea. Peter Kay said that was done in his house, must be a good British institution.
Ah how life has changed.
Now, we,ll be lucky if there any food in.
I like goin out. Gets so borin at ome.
We brought a big bar of chocolate. Yumm
Top gear was on last night, hillarious as ever.
I love those Guys theyre the epitamy, of how you would want English blokes to behave. What a tonic.
Predictably funny.
James May lost a race against a cycalist through the back streets in Lisbon, His remark at the finish, when shaking the hand of the cycalist was ," Permision to say "Oh Cock!"
It was an old rerun from 2005. But still had the old charm.
Russell and Mat you WERE missed!
Youre little infusion of madness has become so vital to escape all th horrors of monotonous reality.
I supose Russell is running through the beaches of Hawaii will a massive scarf billowing behind him. I guess he is charming everyone he meets, with his glorious frivollity. I dont want to hear anything of draggin feet and looking to the ground.
Mmmmm now its time to work it baby.
Put a flower behind your ear and let the adventure begin.
Thinkin of you , we,re all in this crazy world together.
ADIOS MI AMIGOS